My head throbbed with pain, as I wondered what had happened to Kimberly. I leaned back into the auditorium seats, and I saw the little girl that clutched tightly to her teddy bear. Someone tapped my shoulder, and I turned around, my eyes widened in surprise.
"Kimberly?"
"Hello. You didn't get to answer my question." I said.
"What is---"
Just then, a swarm of people left the door. People from all over the world. Some of the men and women joined our small population. Others went up to the auditorium with the other government officials.
"What is your question?" I asked.
"Never mind, I tell you later." she replied. She laughed softly, and sat next to me.
"What do you think they're going to do?" she asked.
"I don't know." I replied.
The noise died down, and there was thirty people on the stage. The president walked up, and grabbed the microphone.
"We decided to take the survivors, and put them in a community where they can thrive. Books, cars, TV's, cellphones, will all be destroyed."
The people sat in the auditorium seats, surprised at their attempts to stymy pain.
"Everything will be provided for you. Food, shelter. But if you wish to escape it all, there will be a station. A station known as Among The Twinkling Stars."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hi Cesare!
Especially after all the adrenaline rushes they must've been having to keep them going!
Hehe, I guess we get to know why this novel has been titled this now, seeing as the station has that name! Also, it is nice to see Chris and Kimberley reunited... I feel like a romance might start blooming there sometime as well. I wonder how it will go in this new world where everything will be provided for them. I hope it turns out to be safe and also, their best option. I hope they get to escape from all the destruction around them they have been seeing as well!
One thing I am curious to know is, how did Kimberley manage to find Chris so quickly? The thing is, Chris was blown far away from her in a tornado... unless she was also that tornado too, then it would be impossible for her to be there with him! So, when the meet up like they do here, I think Chris should ask something along the lines of: how did you get here? And then we could have a detailed retelling of what happened to Kimberley, how she found Chris (maybe all survivors were just being hoarded here, so there was no else to go and she thought he was probably there already as well). One thing though: don't forget to show us her feelings all through this as well! We want to know how panicked she felt as she frantically searched for Chris and wondered if he was dead or alive or not. And then how she steadied her breathing and calmed herself, trying to convince her mind that he had to be and will be at the place where these men were taking her. Something like that
Also, I noticed this with Vampiric too. The pacing in your stories is quite fast, and it seems like everything happens in one day alone. Make sure you space things out a bit so we get to see some time passing as well as make it more realistic (I struggle to do all my homework in one day, let alone all this stuff!) Now would be the perfect time for them to have a day break, where they get to rest where they are and all before going to the station. Humans need sleep to survive as well
I think you mean a swarm of people entered through the door. If they were leaving, it wouldn't make sense because they would not be there to hear the announcement. Also, I am wondering, how did they manage to gather all the survivors so quickly? Maybe, when the man is making the announcement, he can mention how they did it. With rescue parties and helicopters? And perhaps add that they are still looking for survivors and any found will be sent to the station immediately.
How is the community going to thrive without all those things? Maybe mention how it won't be possible to take everything with them, so they have to start again and go back to how things used to be without books, cars and etc. That would make more sense than just opting to leave them behind.
This is another novel of yours I like following Cesare! I don't know how you manage to write them both and balance everything
Deanie x
thanks for the review!
Hey there! I'm here for another short review. There was one thing I thought could use some editing. So I get that she wanted to find Kimberly and is the end of the last chapter bit thing, it said something like "I will do anything to find Kimberly even if it means giving up my life" or something like that. Now, that was a very deep line telling how much the main character cares about Kimberly and that she has some unanswered questions so I think that it kills a big chunk of what could have been part of the story when the main character sees Kimberly sitting right there. There could have been a part of the story after the one before this that was about finding Kimberly and how dangerous it was. All I'm saying is I love the story but could have gotten a big part of it out of that.
Oh yeah, I was meaning to tell you before but I never got around to it. I love the cliffhangers you make for each story!
Thanks for the review!
Hey! IamTraunt here to review!
We keep bumping into each other, right?
Okay, so I found this a little bit creepy:
When you refer to 'the' little girl, is she a character that has already been introduced? Is she of any importance to the reader? If you put 'a' little girl, then the reader would feel sorry for her, but when you put 'the', the reader automatically racks their brains to think where you have seen/read about her before.
By this point I am really confused. Who is speaking here? Is the protagonist saying 'Kimberley' and the Kimberley saying 'Hello'? Have you just made a mistake and put 'I said'? I didn't quite understand that part.
This would flow better if you put:
Well done! Keep on writing!
Thanks for the review, I added more stuff to it.
Cool! I'm really enjoying your story! Great work
Oh, and will you please notify me when the next chapter is out?
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My first thought: DUN DUN DUN!
Wow, that additional bit has wowed me! Brilliant!