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140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
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Plagiarism.
Hello again!
I actually liked this one, and your emotions and descriptions were wonderfully executed. As bubble said, I like this the way it is. This could easily be turned into a short story. It would be really cool though if you were to write a story based off of this.
Favorite part:
Simply beautiful.
Good day,
~Angel
To be honest, I love this just as it is. Kissthewitch is right in that"window" having it's own line makes it stand out, but I'm not wholly convinced this is a bad thing. I'm not sure I have anything to critique, so I'll just say I really loved the lines from "How you leant out there..." to "...to be decieved." Very vivid imagery. Kudos
~bubbles
I'm terribly amateur-ish at poetry, being a beginner. Feel free to tear apart.
You are not Sarah. You are not! 
______
Ok; I shall go through it line by line
I'm terribly amateur-ish at poetry, being a beginner. Feel free to tear apart.
______
Forgetting all other things
I adore this first sentence, it drags me in which a first line is supposed to do. It makes me want to know more, moreover it's romantic and beautiful
I take to sitting underneath my attic
The language you are using works perfectly for this poem, I adore it *looks up in deep admiration*
window,
Hahah whoever said something about why window has its own line. It's probably just a typo, I don't think she meant to do that. Did you? Either way I think it's fine, don't worry about it
hearing crows chatter and
pigeons skate down the roof tiles
Beautiful imagery (Although I hate birds, I am terrified of them, if I'm near one I have to run away or have someone chase them away, pathetic I know
with their three pronged feet.
That works very well indeed there, Sarah. Fantastic imagery
And in the dirty morning hours
Lovely description. It's very fitting and works extremely well.
staying under mouldy glass.
I am so strangely fond of this line, it hurts to remove my eyes from it.
I turn over hurts like chewing gum.
How you leant out here, bare-chested,
:) I love this line
troubled and planned to leave
I like it
without telling me.
Simplistic, but oh so meaningful.
And I let you,
clinging like a rash
Hahah this line was so funny, I was in hysterics
to what was already wasted.
Again the simplicity is oh so effective
A lady in waiting
Again
to be deceived.
Aaargh! You keep doing it Sarah, pulling out incredibility from your belt of superpower creativity.
You walked
the easiest path,
and I did not follow.
I love it
Goodbye means goodbye
where I'm from
and is not just a final
empty gesture.
This single line is so powerful that it pretty much could be an entire poem of its own. It's an incredible way to end Sarah, you have once again out down yourself. I adore this line, it is my favourite in the whole poem, and I seriously love this poem.
Narrative voice
Was incredible. It was Sarah, seriously it was. Hahah I'm having a lack of smiley's so as to appear more serious so that hopefully you'll believe me. *note the apparent lack of them* This Sarah, is a masterpiece. I adore it with all my heart (Cliche line or what?) No but Sarah, I swear on the deadliest of things to swear on that this poem was amazing. Believe me, people'll have conflicting opinions as to whether it's their favourite or not but this one is mine. Simply because it is. You need to change the folder's name. Not Poetic in Denial? I think not. More like Mindblowingly amazing poetry, see my fantastic descriptions? *rolls eyes at self very sarcastically* Keep writing more poems Sarah, even if they don't 'flow through you' they are part of you, evidently from these you are not at all terrible at poetry, quite the opposite. *scurries off to read more*
Looking up with admiration I have one word to describe your poetry Sarah:
Amazing.
It's beautifully sad. It sounds like it was writ by someone who had been deserted unrightfully. It's not like all of the sappy desertion poems people write today. I'd like to steal your inspiration for sometime xD. I really, really liked this one alot. I especially loved this part:
Simply beautiful Sarah! You must never stop supplying me with brilliant works to read.
Keep writing!
June
Well, this doesn't need tearing apart. I actually liked it a lot-could only find one thing to nit-pick:
I don't like how window gets its own line, compared to all the other lines that are longer. It jars the rhythm-you're just getting this flow going, and then the 'window' line just stops it, and then the reader has to start over getting the beat back. Also, giving one word its own line usually means that you really want to emphasize that word, and I'm not sure 'window' is what you want to emphasize here. So, let's see, if you wanted you could go with:
I take to sitting underneath my attic window,
or, (and I actually like this one better)
I take to sitting underneath my attic
window, hearing crows chatter and
That's my only suggestion. I love the rest of the poem-I can just picture the girl, sitting at the window, remembering. Good job!
(and, congrats on being purple!)