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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Wow! That was great! I really enjoyed reading it, and it totally captures the feeling of what it's like to have a crush on someone. I had a crush on this one boy for 5 years (from when I was 13 to when I was 18), and sometimes I wish I'd been brave enough to say just that to him. Still, it turned out all right for me now because I met my African guy when I was 18, and he fortunately did have the courage to say those words to me.
Thanks for sharing!
Somehow, the line "I...miss when you're not in the room" seems to capture the most emotion and the most memories for me. My first experience with having a crush on someone manifested itself in wishing all the time that they would just come back into the room. It's just a very tangible, relatable feeling.
The only thing I wish I could have with these lyrics is a tune! The rhythm is very difficult to capture just reading it, but I'm sure it would work out set to music. Don't you have a tune for it? It feels like it must already have one.
All in all, it's a good read: cute, relatable, and nostalgic.
Hi! I'm glad you liked it and were able to relate to it
It does have a tune, and someday I will figure out how I want to put the tunes on here
that touched me I cannot believe the skill I see in these simple words. I can feel when I read this a lot of heart went into it. I was smiling the entire time, imagining this coming on the radio and just singing along its so up beat. the kid next to me was looking at me like I was crazy because I was humming while I read it, I DONT HUM WHILE READ not unless im really into it. carlito you got potential that you cannot waste keep writing these. it makes me so happy seeing this kind of work that shows untapped potential do not stop please.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it
hi jessiebear here to do a review.
Okay this is a lovey. But I do have one are tow things you need to fixe in it.
Okay I think you are saying I to much maybe find some thing ells to say. And you don't have some full stopes in some pleases where that should be.
That is all I have to say. and it is really good. And I hope you will let me now when you have posted some poems so I can review them.
So I hope you have a good Day/night.
Hi! Thanks for the review and like!
With the use of "I" - I'm guessing you're talking about in the chorus? My thought there was trying to emulate the moment when you're about to say "I love you" and so you're like "I..." and then you chicken out and think of something different to say until you finally just spit it out :p
If you're looking for more lyrics to review - over on the right side is a list of other songs I've written sort of recently.
Thanks again!
you are welcome.