Young Writers Society

This is so sweet, Carlito! <3

Recommendations

But this time I think
It is a risk to take

"That it's a risk to take" sounds better to me. It's just a recommendation, of course!

But how do you know

So by the end of the song, we know that "I think I might be" ends with "in love." So what is "but how do you know" referring to? Is she asking the boy she likes, "How do you know I'm in love?" I wouldn't think so, because I think that the narrator is trying to figure out if the guy likes her in the first place. Especially because it's the last line in the chorus and is therefore repeated quite often, I'd revise it ever so slightly. Something like "But how can I know," which is saying, "how can I know that I'm truly in love this time?" I don't know xD That was really confusing, wasn't it?

Enough of me trying to find nitpicks in this piece.

Things I liked
Random thing I noticed: I love this old duo known as Simon & Garfunkel (you might have heard of them - Mrs. Robinson? The Sound of Silence?), and the structure of your chorus reminds me a lot of the chorus of this song of theirs. In both songs, the chorus consists of three repeated lines - each one six syllables, and the middle one accented the most - and a final line. After I noticed that I read your lyrics again in that melody and it kinda (that word's important) worked. The verses, not so much, but the chorus, definitely.

*Randomness over*

It's weird - the rhythm, the word choice, or something you have going on in this song fools me into thinking that it rhymes. But it doesn't, except for that pairing of "do" and "you." But still, my brain swears that it rhymes. Dear me, what is this sorcery? Let's look at the first verse. "Failures" and "liars." Quite similar if you look at that "urs" part. "Dreams" and "me" also share the "ee" sound. "Taste" and "take." Very similar too. Hmm... Did you do that on purpose, by using similar-sounding words? Is that why I'm fooled into thinking that this song rhymes?

I think I’m stalling
I see it in your eyes
You feel what I feel
You have for all this time

That's my favorite bit from this piece. It's the happy resolution, answering the narrator's relentless question. It's also structured nicely with even syllables.

I pretty much liked this entire thing. It was a sweet little romance packed into well-structured lyrics and a catchy chorus. As I expected, knowing I was going to read one of Carlito's perfect songs, I don't have much else to say. To put it simply, you're a pro at this. Good luck assembling the rest of your album! Hopefully I was helpful in some way.

~Wolfie