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137,702 Literary Works • 672,063 Reviews
Padawano,
Like I said, I am impressed. This is by far your best work to date.
Cole's analysis was thorough (last stanza notwithstanding), so I'll skip that and go straight to technical things.
First, while you are developing a better grasp of what 'content > everything else' means, you must keep in mind that 'content' covers not only what you put in, but also what you leave out. There is a lot of good stuff here, but there is also stuff that can be lost. Stanza by stanza:
We get it, the Word has been made obsolete by time. No need to labour the point. The last line is so good, but struggles against the previous three.
Again, second and third lines are great, cheapened by the fourth.
Third stanza is fine.
Secondly, word choice. While it's a personal thing, I have to question some of your more exotic word choices. Poetry is all about efficiency of language, and part of that is employing one word to evoke many different connotations and associated ideas. Y'know, many for the price of one. But if the reader does not know the word how can they associate it with other things? The effect is lost. For example, to the average reader "idol" has many connotations, but "simulacrum" does not. I understand that "simulacrum" has elements of automata, mechanical 'life', etc., but does it serve in this context better than "idol" would? You decide.
Like I said padawano, this is good. Best of luck in the competition.
Mentoro.
OH. I just wanted to say, in Italian, the word simulacrum means translates directly to 'false image or statue of a god'. However, in English, idol works just as well.
Excellent. I'm liking your style Louis! I'm completely disagree with the message your sending to your readers, but I'm not going to comment on that because I'd probably sound biased in my religion. Although some of the words/adjectives and descriptions used don't fit accurately or metaphorically for me, I won't list any because its a translated poem and I'm sure they're superb in your language. Same for me with Arabic.
Anyway, your imagery and flow of ideas/thoughts is excellent. I especially love how you interconnected so many subjects, folklore, and how you slowly developed ideas to give a sudden impact with the would message in the end. I didn't really expect you'd actually claim that about god. I dunno! After the first stanza I was like.. Ok he might, then I said no he won't then argh!
I only have one slight negative comment, but its nothing you should change in this poem. I've read some of you wrote and I notice the structure of the poem is slightly inconstant, my advice is to just tweak the long verses and throw out some of the useless words. After that you'd have a masterpiece!
I commend you for keeping my complete attention in your horribly beautiful piece of writing. You might be the reason I'd take Italian classes soon. XD Keep this up! Here's an idea.
^ sorry for the dumb type-os, was on an iPad :/
Okay, impressive poem here, very impacting and . . . interesting.
Personally I cannot put this poem in better words than Cole has, but I'll at least back him up!
Your wording is impressively strong . . . dead . . . lost . . . Auschwitz . . . gutted . . . quite nice. They take your point across.
I see this kind of thing a lot. (Note: I don't want to argue with anybody here!).
I know an impressive number of people who look at the world like this, who look at Christians like this. It's sad really, because, as Cole pointed out, the irony of it all is that at the end of the day the bad guy wins.
Not because the good guy's better than the bad guy, but because he has something the bad guy doesn't.
I see people (Not just satanists per-say) who go around taking things pointed out in this poem and using them against Christians. I've had them used against me.
Why would an all loving and all powerful God let his 'Sheep' die like they do?
I mean, the principle of a shepherd is to guard his flock?
Isn't it?
Well, it takes a bit of Christian belief to hold up against that, and to tell the truth, at the end of the day, in a real practical argument, I always loose this one. The thing is a true Christian's soul is never actually killed. God's about more than just bodies.
You use a lot of words that are very powerful, but rather boring.
One thing I like about Satanist poems and Satanists themselves, is they, unlike a lot of people, actually will say that God does exist (Though they claim they're killing him or that he's actually the bad guy, or whatever). You do it in here, you say 'God is dead', but don't deny his existence! I love that for some crazy reason.
Anyway, impressive work here!
Keep writing (No, kidding, don't!).
~Black~
I deny both God's and Satan's existence, for the record. I am no Luciferianist. Merely an anti-theist. ^^
Hello Luce. A review.
A note: One, I imagine this is much more intense in Italian. Nonetheless, it is still brilliant in English.
I'm not going to comment much on the mechanics used--your wording is vivid, your rhythm and dynamics are remarkable, and it is paced and formatted very well.
Now, the content.
As I read, the poem spoke to me in a very powerful way and I was able to extract great meaning from it. However, whether my interpretation is what you intended I am not sure, but, poems tend to speak to people in different ways. This is how it spoke to me.
Firstly, the title, "INRI"-- Iesus Nazarenus; Rex Iudaeorum (Jesus the Nazarene; King of the Jews). This ties the poem together. The sign INRI on the crucifix is a symbol of great irony. The purpose of it was to mock Christ, an innocent man being killed as a blasphemer, a criminal, and traitor. However, the fact that Christ truly was God and the eternal King of the Jews is the extraordinary source of irony in INRI.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." The use of the passage from John 1:1 is very clever and, again, maintains the element of irony. The scripture is used sarcastically, as the rest of the piece describes great destruction, including the downfall of God.
I interpreted this stanza as coming from the perspective of an accuser, a malicious observer or participant. He points out that the sheep are lost without their Shepherd (God), because they worship an idol/idols. Then, the narrator spits cynically about an archaic text, about the metempsychosis of a/the Creed as it is burned. The stanza is ended with mention of the sheep being attacked, slaughtered by an invisible force. The death of the sheep (which I have interpreted as God's people--Jews, specifically due to your WWII references) murmur the motif of persecution revealed in the title.
This stanza struck me. The allusion to the Holocaust is so thoughtful and mirrors the maltreatment of Judaism and God that you began with the title. Here, you describe smoke from the burning Creed eclipsing Scripture. I saw this as religious criticism from our pessimistic narrator. Does the Creed/tradition and practice obstruct the truth of Scripture? Intriguing thought. Furthermore, the "Word" is destroyed in the furnaces of the concentration camps, and dies with its writers, the Jews. Very profound. Lastly, your mention of "eyes made of glass" makes me think of the Aryan race—Nazis perhaps, who were obsessed with twisted, occultist worship and infatuated with the death of Christ/God. Did you know that was why Hitler sought after ancient relics, such as the Spear of Destiny?
Now, you mention Samael--the wicked angel of death in Jewish folklore who is synonymous with Heylel (Satan). It really starts to get interesting. Firstly, your introduction of Samael is another source of irony--you beautify the songs of the 'enemy' while the Word is burned, destroyed in the hellfire. The cruel, backwards perspective of the narrator makes the poem ominous. Also, the allusion to Samael leaves a lasting suggestion that the persecution of goodness, of God's people, was a direct result of Satan, who used Nazis and such as puppets.
The factory rises up into Eden--it reminds me of a verse in Isaiah where God compares a tyrannous king to Satan--
"How you have fallen from heaven,
morning star, son of the dawn!
You have been cast down to the earth,
you who once laid low the nations!
You said in your heart,
'I will ascend to the heavens;
I will raise my throne
above the stars of God;
I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly,
on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon.
I will ascend above the tops of the clouds;
I will make myself like the Most High.'
But you are brought down to the realm of the dead,
to the depths of the pit."
The act of rising into Eden inspires the image of Satan climbing into heaven to wage war against God, an ultimate act of treachery, pride, and rebellion. Then, "the sons of the Snake," the spawn of the serpent from Eden. The first mention of a Messiah is found in Genesis when God tells Eve and the serpent that their seed will wage war: The serpent's seed will strike her son's heal, and he will crush the head of the serpent's seed. It is a prophecy about Christ's crucifixion and His conquering of evil. So, though the narrator describes the death of God, the audience knows that it is not the end. He will resurrect.
The reference of a burning church truly impacted me. It is persecution of God's people in its purest form. It is a powerful, moving image.
And you end it with one of the strongest forms of irony. The sheep drink the "putrid" blood of God. However, though it is a symbol of carnage, and perhaps victory of the forces of darkness, the blood of God/Christ is inevitably what turns the "white" sheep red and saves them from their sin, their darkness, and their brokenness. Brilliant!
Overall, this poem stuck out to me. Its themes really hit home as I have recently witnessed acts of terrible persecution against Christians, such as vandalism, violence, and cross/church burnings. It reminds me of a song by Oh, Sleeper called 'Son of the Morning'.
The poem is a strong characterization of Satan himself: he is arrogant, prideful, cynical, cruel, and is always convinced he will triumph. However, good will forever defeat evil, and that understanding leaves the end of this incredible poem ringing with tension.
Thanks for sharing this and let me know if you need another review!
Selah,
H.
Impressive.
You managed to catch the meaning of this almost perfectly, bar the final stanza. There is no redemption, only contamination and hypocrisy.
Well, there is no redemption... yet. But there will be and I believe this poem rings with the promise of it. "It's always darkest before the dawn" and this piece, to me, alludes to an approaching daybreak. But, alas, that is merely how it spoke to me.
Jesus Cole, I was reading this again, it is truly a beautiful review. I thank you for the time and effort you put into this, I greatly appreciate it.
Well, Ita.
This was quite the interesting poem, yes. It seems that 'dark, depressing and soul-eating' poems are now your type.
Well, I like it.
Despite the long words present (many of which I do not understand), there seems to be a dark undertone continuing throughout the poem.
If I am correct, it has something to do with Jesus - 'Jesus, King of the Jews', as in the title. He is the Shepherd mentioned in the first stanza, and the sheep may be his followers?
Then, I don't get the rest of the poem (I'm not good at long words, remember?), but it seems in the final stanza that the death of God has done us good. Maybe. Possibly.
Overall, if you subtract the fact that I don't understand the literal factor of the poem, the way the words move against each other - the way the stanzas seem to flow smoothly - simply adds to the ominous sense already present.
I do not know how to English.
Me likey poem.
May I request the original Italian version? For...purposes...
Ilumi!
You don't hold back, do you! What I love most about this is the power in it. You've made good use of every word and there isn't a syllable lost in it.
It's smart, too. I didn't get all of the references, but you cover a whole lot of ground with them. You've included all the smarts without losing the quality of the writing, and that's something I don't see often.
My only concern is that because it's smart, it's probably not open to a lot of audiences. The best thing about poetry is that even if you don't get the main subject, you can still interpret it any way you like.
Some of the references here are quite specific, and the longer words are uncommon and a bit of a mouthful, which means much of the poem is lost if your reader doesn't understand what it's about.
Overall I'd say this is a fantastic poem, as expected, so keep it up! =]
Ok i have read this over many times and i am not that sure what it is about. Is this like god died or something? It is a good thing to not come out with the topic right away so the reader must think.But you did it so much that you could not tell what this is.If this is like something religious you need to make it more clear so other people can then understand what you are talking.