I love you so much for writing this, this is amazing! Can I show it to my english teacher, if it's alright with you? she loves these kinds of poems.
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Hateful Enyalios, hound of war!
guide my spear, that it may fly
straight and true, pierce the shield,
tear flesh, and sunder.
Sacker of cities! before me wracks
Ilium, heaving in its death-throes,
an old woman ravaged by disease,
agonizing in her nuptial thalamos.
Curse of men! I see the Danaans
tremble at the doors of the palace
quivering shields up as naked blades
of grass in winter.They cower! I
am the scythe, the grim harvester!
I am Neoptolemus Pyrrhus, conqueror!
demons of fire, grasping claws of smoke crush
the rosey-fingered dawn as I consume my wrath!
Ripped are the doors from their hinges, like
the son from the arms of his wailing mother:
there is no escape! The palace halls echo
with the cries of widows. Purposefully I stride
towards the altar, unviolated sanctity.
Mad-eyed Polites stumbles into my path
spear drawn, ready to protect all he holds
most dear, I strike him! his life-blood
froths to the floor, he staggers back.
The altar is near now. I see Hecuba
clutching her daughters, fragile caryatids;
standing guard is Priam,pathetic
simulacrum, a shade of whom he
once was, donning his youthful armor.
Polites crawls towards his father, arm
outstretched. He falls in front of the altar,
in a pool of blood. Priam stares at me.
his face is arrogant, but his body is weak.
he speaks, but I do not hear him.
He throws his spear, uselessly. It clangs
against my shield and falls to the floor.
weak!
weak!
weak!
I drag Priam to the altar, knees trailing
in his son's own blood,his daughters scream,
attempt to drag me away, but they are like
twigs that would dam an impetuous river.
My sword cuts into Priam's neck, inexorable.
blood erupts from the wound, staining
the marble altar room crimson.
I am Neoptolemus Pyrrhus, conqueror!
demons of fire, grasping claws of smoke crush
the rosey-fingered dawn as I consume my wrath!
I love you so much for writing this, this is amazing! Can I show it to my english teacher, if it's alright with you? she loves these kinds of poems.
Hey there! Shey here for a review!
I didnt see a whole lot of issues to nitpick... You left out a few spaces after punctuation, but that's small stuff. The rhythm flowed nicely, and the stanzas were broken up well.
I don't know the context personally, though, so it was hard to understand. Maybe give a bit of background? Its just that it was such a nice poem, but I didn't get most of it.
This was a short review, since there wasn't a whole lot to comment on. I only really suggested to add some contsxt, but I hope it helped. Bravo on writing such a nice poem! Adieu!
-Sheyren
Hello! LadyShadows here for a review!
I absolutely loved this piece. This definitely gave me Dante flashbacks. It has a very old poetic feel. This is definitely old fashioned. This piece was filled with figurative language and imagery, which is always good to have with any sort of literature. It was just lovely how you could make the war, blood, and violence come alive with just words! And I love how this is not only a poem, but it seems to have a story feel as well. I also love how you worded this beautifully. I swear, you are a reincarnation of Dante. I have no other words for this lovely piece. Keep writing. I'm a fan!
120,208 Literary Works • 649,084 Reviews
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