by Busheldood

  • Poetry
  • Other

Published April 1, 2011

In Poems

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Comments & reviews · 4
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Paracosm
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Paracosm commented Comment · May 1, 2011

Good work! It was very creative!

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Busheldood
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Busheldood commented Comment · Apr 1, 2011

yes it does, thanks. It does get a bit off beat further in... I'll think about what changes i can do to improve ;) thanx for the correction

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Griffinkeeper
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Griffinkeeper wrote a review Review · Apr 1, 2011

This looks like it may be part of a story?

I noticed a few typos.

Nostrels flaring


Should be "Nostrils."

It seems exausted,


Should be "exhausted."

Tepping forwards


Should be "Stepping."

I persue


Should be "pursue."

Persue of Krornard


Should be "Pursuit.

Freaky friday,
Almost slightly,
Never empty
Lovely days

Something's coming
Almost running,
'Bout to see it
Through the haze

Mind is clearing
As it's nearing,
Squint to see it
As it appears

Nostrels flaring
Green eyes glaring,
It seems exausted,
Full of fears


I like the flow of the poem up to this point. After this though, it seems like it is off time. I'm not sure I have the right vocabulary to describe it; it's just the sense I got from reading it.

I hope this helps.



The words you speak become the house you live in.
— Hafiz