Possibly Lethal & UnDivine

by BrittanyNicole

Published November 26, 2013

12+ Violence Mature Content

In Poetry

The look in your eyes doesn't tell lies

what you see is what you get they say

but what happens when you become the main source of her pain?

And everything you stand for becomes to hard to follow?

What do you do when she cries and begs to be forgiven

and you turn and walk away

Did you ever look back

to see the pain in her eyes?

It surrounds her like smoke

I beg you not to be bitter to the one’s who love you

because one day they won't be there

to hold you when you are dying.

No heart can bear it, flesh or steel,

when you left my world ceased to spin

The sun lost it’s fiery glow, the moon lost its shine

my words had no meaning

They say the pain lessens when time goes by

but it’s getting worse

possibly lethal

Comments & reviews · 2
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Mystique
Review
Mystique wrote a review Review · Dec 2, 2013

i like your theme, its a really nice theme and while your words are nice, the problem is that one line doesn't flow into the other. i'd suggest highlighting a phrase maybe, repeat it, emphasize some words and tone down the others. otherwise this becomes monotonous. "no heart can bear it, flesh or steel" that sounds good but the next line " no words can describe how i feel" takes away that emotion. see, the pain has been brought out very well but the reader doesn't 'feel' the pain. so try out with such themes okay, keep writing! :D

TakeThatYouFiend wrote a review Review · Nov 26, 2013

Overall a good poem, a nice-ish theme, and good prose. I'm no spelling bee, but you forgot to capitalize the I. I wouldn't mention it but it puts me of the poem, just a personal thing. Also, just a small matter of taste, but I thought the last line was a little weak. Try extending it a little.
Hope this helps. :-)



The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown