She walks to school everyday,
wishing that somehow her life could be changed.
That maybe she could be accepted for who she is,
not what they want her to be.
She makes wishes on passing cars
because to her the stars are out of reach.
Waiting for the one who will
pick her up in his arms.
Maybe she would be noticed, not as the girl with the scars,
but the girl in her lovers arms.
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Hi!
Okay, so first I would like to thank you for reviewing my song/lyrics, so as a return for your kindness, I humbly present my review in a silver platter...
I REALLY LIKE THIS. It tells a lot in a span of ten lines. I particularly loved the story behind it, and I think you did a great job in establishing imagery...it made the poem beautiful. I, in particular, loved these lines:
She makes wishes on passing cars
because to her the stars are out of reach.
I also liked what you did with the 9th line. It's a little long but breaking it apart would disrupt the flow of the poem, so it was good, what you did. The flow is also very good.
These are lyrics? That means there is an accompanying melody to it, right? I think it makes for a good short song. Have you tried writing songs using song structures? Like verse-chorus-verse thingy? You could try writing in that style, it would be particularly helpful if you're into songwriting.
My critique is...I really don't know. I think that it is good as it is.
If you have any questions or just anything, feel free to PM me. I don't bite, don't worry. ARRRGH!
-darkangel_05
Thank You Very Much Also! It really helped.
Hi. Storybraniac here to review making a wish on passing cars for red writing hood. Wow. This is really interesting. I really liked the part where she says
"She makes wishes on passing cars
Because to her the stars are out of reach."
Everyone liked that part. I don't have any spelling or grammatical mistakes or any nitpicks.
This is a really great poem. I hope this reaches the featured section. A definite like from me.
See you around.
-stor.
Thank You Very Much!
I appreciate it.
I really liked this! It's simple, beautiful, and relatable. It has a nice flow and beautiful wording. I couldn't really find much wrong with this.
If I'm going to nitpick, technically you shouldn't start a sentence with "that" as you did in "That maybe she could be accepted for who she is..."
I agree with LazyLlama, I love the line: "She make wishes on passing cars because to her the stars are out of reach."
I loved this piece, really well done.
-Ruby-
Okay, thank you for that.
Oh woow this is a nice lyric, I love that piece where you write ''She makes wishes on passing cars because to her the stars are out of reach.'' That is really my favorite one, very powerful and I can relate to that so much.
I love also the story in this lyrics, but to bad that it is so short. Other wise, short lyrics are very strong and they can say so much in a few words.
Anyway, this lyrics let me write lyrics again, I go now further and post a lyrics too, cause I love to write songs. Music can take our fears away and guide us through everyday (-;
> Dazzle <
Awe, thanks!:) & yes it does!
no problem