The wings drape down her back in sorrow
you can feel the pain and sadness
dripping off her while she is weeping
a darkening silence wafts around her
part of you questions why she is so sad
and the other wishes that you will never find out
you want to know if they are tears of joy
but you lean towards tears of sorrow
and hope you will never have to go through pain like her
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Okie dokie, hello there.
I'll start off by saying this is fantastic. I couldn't really work out why it's called Angel Wings, apart from that first line which starts of this amazing description of the angel - or supposed one if the wings are actually a metaphor (that just hit me that it could be, so I thought I should add it in.)
I also think the rest of it is great. Personally, I prefer the short poems that fit small snippets of information into them - they just seem far more interesting. They leave you with this feeling of these questions overloading: why is she sad? Is she always sad? Does she not want to be an angel? Etc. if I didn't have these questions to ask, I would've told you to get rid of some information, but no, I really think this is done well. I can tell that you put time into writing it; into finding a subject you could describe and leave questions in its wake. Bravo.
- Bethany
Thank you!:) Tbh: I love your name(:
Aw, well that's very sweet (I'm not a massive fan of it, myself)
Great. I loved this because it takes away the usual things an angel is associated with such as happened and joy and put the thoughts of sadness in there with it. Reading through that it made me starts asking myself about this angel. "a darkening silence wafts around her" I loved that part because it set me off thinking why is she silent? What is the reason for her silence? This poem really does set you off thinking why is an angel who is usually associated with great things so sad. It's great that such a short poem can set off so many thoughts and questions in the readers head.
Really well written, sends off so many different thoughts and emotions in me and provides the reader with so many questions that the poem doesn't answer and keeps the reader thinking.
Well done
thanks!
So I really like how your avatar complements this piece!
It's an interesting poem, but it lacks emotion. Reading what you posted in response to another reviewer, I think what the issue may be is that you had no one particular in mind when writing this. So the imagery and diction is pretty good, but the words lack power. I think if you redid this with a particular person in your life in mind, it would be much more powerful.
Anyhow, a couple things:
I like the first line, but the next two don't seem to flow quite right, and I think it's because of the words "you can feel." When you use words like that, you're telling the rather what they should be feeling instead of showing them.
Instead, consider something like, "the pain and sadness drip off her while she weeps."
This is kind of awkwardly written (you're again telling the reader what they should be thinking instead of leading them there indirectly), but I think you strike a very profound point here that I wish you would expand upon. Empathetic poetry is fine, but it provides only a partial glimpse. Here, though, you show the other side of the coin: that just as we feel empathetic for someone, we also often hope we don't get involved in whatever they're going for. It's the ugly side of ourselves, but also necessarily part of who we are. By honestly touching upon that point, I think you're getting at something that's really quite important.
Good job.
Thank you:)
I really like your poem! I did get a sense of imagery while I read it and that is always a good sign. I did appreciate how you made the reader a part of the story. It adds a nice, personal touch. Keep writing!
It's so sad! I can feel the emotions in this piece and it is very nerve-wracking. I picture the angel, she is very depressed.
Who's the Angel?
Hey Viv here. I like your poem Brittany, it's sad. "You want to know if they are tears of joy" this line doesn't seem to fit since your describing all the sadness emitting from her. It seems more like it should be "You hope they are tears of joy", or something along those lines. I still want to know who the angel is.
Honestly, I don't know. I just felt compelled to made a poem. My friend helped me make it, because my brain wasn't working that night, so the credit goes to her. XD but, i based it off of a story i read about a angel named Maximums.