Glass. cold, dark, motionless.
screams, blood, promises
Beating heart slows to silence
dreams, nightmares, reality
Velvet curtains hide the light
shadows reflect your hate
were hearts made whole
just to break?
Mothers pain, daughters tears, fathers abuse
left, motionless, dead
unwanted
living among the dead
eerie silence
black magic
take the hate, tears, and pain
till we find the grave
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140,390 Literary Works • 673,150 Reviews
This is very powerful. Awesome job!
Hello Hsarver here to review your interesting poem. First thing is wow, the way you express the horror and the pain is very good, it really shakes the reader up and makes them think about situations in their lives and others around the world. It was well written and I honestly can't say much negative about it. I just think you should have more comma placements, for instance, errie silence, black magic, there should be a comma there. I would just go back over and check the grammar in it, but other than that it was absolutely perfect. Good job and keep writing !
- Hsarver
Thank you so much! c: I'll try to keep the grammar better.
Hello my friend! It's BlimeyLimey here to review! Excellent job on this poem! It was very touching. I could feel the pain through the words. Your expression was perfect! Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more of your future works!
Keep writing!
~BlimeyLimey