i look out at the kids on the lawn
twiddling away their days like there
will forever be a tomorrow to count
on.
how i now long for those days that
were once in my mind. when i was
totally oblivious to the world taking
place outside of my head.
unaware of the beyond.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
This was an interesting collection of poems. It detailed some fandoms I am a part of, others I'm not, yet it still portrayed them well enough. I feel like these are the poems you were telling me about a couple of weeks ago, and they're all exceedingly lovely. I'm glad I found this batch.
I have a few complaints I have to make that may or may not be important, but I thought these would be a couple of things you'd like to know about:
-"Belgravia is a place of scandals and Baskerville a place of hounds" This is just an opinion, but I felt like these two could be separated to make each stronger. You split the other cases differently, why pretend these two are conjoined? Are Baskerville and Belgravia somehow linked in your poem? If it is, then I apologize.
-"Physics, physics, physics, physics" Haha, Doctor Who. I'm not a part of the fandom mind you, but I've seen the memes through tumblr osmosis. Still, do you think this would be a good way to start out the poem? It comes off as almost too much occasionally, even though it definitely is humorous.
-"Resting upon them are destinies and they dare not disappoint" I wanted to suggest the same as the first 'complaint', which you definitely don't have to take.
Other than that, though, I can safely say that this was a fun read. You definitely know your fandoms, and your obsessions have proven contagious. I'd be glad to read more of these poems.
On another note. By any chance are you going to make a Marvel one? Have you already? Or will we never see something like that come to light?
Signing Out,
--EM.
I'm working on Marvel and DC. They'll probably become my NaPo poems because o don't have much yet. I'm working on another Doctor Who one first so they probably will take a while.
Hello!
I am like your idea of short poems, they are, i don't know why?-"cute"!
The first one-
Oh! I loved it so much. I am going to sing that in class tomorrow! I know it isn't necessary but when you write short poems and you want to sing them along try to follow some sort of rhyme scheme! Though, It is pretty as it is!
The second one-
I do not understand it! But I like it's last line is so catchy! Is it about army life?
The third one-
Isn't it from a television series? This acronym? Here two the last two line's are the soul of the poem!
The fourth one-
Why is it all about safety? Never mind, it's cool! I dare not find any grammatical errors till now. Actually your views are clear but since they don't have a topic we can't actually tell how 'relatable' they are.
The fifth one-
Uh! these prose are amazing. You can actually sing them along in a situation. You know what? you can actually write a lyrical..just like the Les Miserable!
The sixth one-
This one is my favorite! Maybe because it is something i always wanted to write about but could never.
Overall, i can't find any grammatical errors in your poems. Aren't they prose? They are good, but i would like it if you can post them separately with headings!
So that we can review from a wide angle.
Finally-SUPERB!
loves and regards!
Each poem is a reference to a different tv show. The first was Doctor Who and the second was Sherlock. Three is about The Man from UNCLE which is one of my favorite tv shows. Four is about Merlin the BBC tv show version. Five was about Percy Jackson. In case you missed it six was about Star Trek. This is why I titled this Fandom Edition because I've written a couple of collections of short poems. I'm doing all sorts of crazy stuff for NaPo so some of them will probably become another edition.