naturally we will always filter things out and
let our parents filter further things out, even
taking the events from us before we have a
chance to bear witness.
it will keep happening like this, the elimination
of the most important information -
until we're left with no filter to think about things
with all of the deep wonderings and ponderings
of the outside world.
is this good? or is it bad? or will i fall into some
deep, dark pit somewhere? forever falling into
unknown.
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140,281 Literary Works • 673,072 Reviews
Heya, Liz! Casanova here with a short review!
Anyway, I know this is a fandom poem so I won't be delving too much into it, but I'll hit the basics.
Now, I know it's fandom so these lines don't make sense when you don't know the TV series or the movie series that you're referencing. And that was a down putter, I figured I'd at least get something out of this like you naming the fandom. I only know the fandom from asking you, however. Anyway, onward.
Anyway, this one right here actually gives me a bit of stuff to play around with, and I enjoyed that. You have the first line which makes sense without you telling me what it's from, and I felt like that was a step up. The lines after make me wonder about what else it could possibly be about, and wonder.. Well, that's always a good thing. The last line, though, would be strictly for the fandom and doesn't mean anything else besides the Dr.Who fandom, which I've never even watched Dr.Who.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Your battle partner, Crowley
This is a great poem. I've never read a poem about the doctor and his companions before. You did a great job in my opinion.
my only complaint is the line
"Have you seen a mouse, a mouse with a name, in London lately?"
I just think it's a little confusing and could be phrased differently.
Maybe try 'have you seen a mouse in London Lately? A mouse with a name.
Over all great poem.
Keep Writing!
-Ang920
Great poem. I absolutely love Doctor Who, so the title instantly caught my attention, as well as the description. So i know this is just a 'fun poem', but there were some things that caught my eye. First, you might want to write the end note at the beginning, because it was a bit distracting. I thought it was part of the poem at first. Also, 'waits' and 'waiting' are conflicting tenses. You could change that line to 'A face waits, in the middle of time, for your response'.
In lines one and two, I assume you are referring to Rose, the Ninth Doctor's companion. If this is the case, you could change make it singular 'do you know of the red Rose? The Rose of the salty, dark sea.' Also in doing that you should capitalize Rose, as that is a name and therefore a proper noun. You could also capitalize 'river' in the last line, if you are referring to the Doctor's wife.
Again, this is a great poem (some might same it's 'fantastic'). I hope you write a sequel with the classic companions. If you do, I can't wait to read it.
Hi. Thanks for the review. I did not capitilize "river" or "rose" on purpose to see how it would be interpreted. It was a stylistic choice on my part. I'm still working on the classic companion idea but I'm pretty sure I'm going to write 14 poems on the classic companions. I'll probably end up using those ideas for NaPoWrMo.
Thanks again for the review.
-lizzy
Hello, Chips here with a review.
Firstly, the comments you've made to update us such as, "I have been in the poetry mood lately so here's my newest idea."
And "I might do a (much longer) sequel with the classic companions. It will probably be in Short Stories/Possibly poems when I get around to writing Part 3."
These are completely fine, however it is distracting adding them in with your poem, I actually got a bit confused at the end as I thought it was a part of your poem! You could add them the comment of this poem, or in the description or even on your wall.
Swiftly moving onto the review.
"Do you know of the red roses?
The roses of the salty, dark sea."
I liked how you opened with a question to intrigue the readers, and gave further description of the roses. It sets a pleasing scene and interesting imagery. However, the next line seems unrelated to this one,
"Have you seen a mouse, a mouse with a name, in London lately?"
The location has changed, and now a mouse has come into the poem, it just seems a bit incoherent, so perhaps linking them somehow? There is also redundant repetition of the word, "mouse", one would suffice.
"A face waits in the middle of time, waiting for your response."
Again here "waits" and "waiting", are fine but are too close together, hence it feels more repetitive.
"Smith and Jones
Noble and Lord
Pond and Williams, intergalactic humans
A river leads to an Oswald but when is the end"
Perhaps I am missing something, but I don't fully understand the name pairings and their significance. A full stop is needed at the "end", no pun intended.
Overall, I hope this helped. Keep writing!
--Chips
Thanks for the review. This was about the newer seasons of Doctor Who. The "mouse" comment was referring to Mickey who lived in London. I think I had written something in the description about guess the show with a hint. You have to know Doctor Who very well to get it. I just wrote it for fun and hoped a fan would come along and recognize the references.
Thanks again.
-lizzy
Ah, thanks for informing me. I don't watch the TV programme so I wasn't aware.
Ok, feedback time.
I really like this poem, it has clever references to doctor who. And while I feel I am a pretty hardcore fan I still feel like I missed some of the references. I didn't get the face in the middle of time line. I feel it either refers to the face of boe, or simply the doctor and I'm way overthinking it. I like the initial reference to what I can only assume is bad wolf bay, with roses in the salty sea and whatnot. I do really like this poem, each line is carefully thought out and contributes to the next. I also like that you used plural on roses because there are two of them. Overall a lot of clever and subtle references to a great TV series. Do more please.
Ok, feedback time.
I really like this poem, it has clever references to doctor who. And while I feel I am a pretty hardcore fan I still feel like I missed some of the references. I didn't get the face in the middle of time line. I feel it either refers to the face of boe, or simply the doctor and I'm way overthinking it. I like the initial reference to what I can only assume is bad wolf bay, with roses in the salty sea and whatnot. I do really like this poem, each line is carefully thought out and contributes to the next. I also like that you used plural on roses because there are two of them. Overall a lot of clever and subtle references to a great TV series. Do more please.