Young Writers Society

Heya, Liz! Casanova here with a short review!

Anyway, I know this is a fandom poem so I won't be delving too much into it, but I'll hit the basics.

Do you know of the red roses?

The roses of the salty, dark sea.

Have you seen a mouse, a mouse with a name, in London lately?

A face waits in the middle of time, waiting for your response.

Smith and Jones

Noble and Lord

Pond and Williams, intergalactic humans

A river leads to an Oswald but when is the end

This is a great poem. I've never read a poem about the doctor and his companions before. You did a great job in my opinion.
my only complaint is the line
"Have you seen a mouse, a mouse with a name, in London lately?"
I just think it's a little confusing and could be phrased differently.
Maybe try 'have you seen a mouse in London Lately? A mouse with a name.

Over all great poem.
Keep Writing!
-Ang920

Great poem. I absolutely love Doctor Who, so the title instantly caught my attention, as well as the description. So i know this is just a 'fun poem', but there were some things that caught my eye. First, you might want to write the end note at the beginning, because it was a bit distracting. I thought it was part of the poem at first. Also, 'waits' and 'waiting' are conflicting tenses. You could change that line to 'A face waits, in the middle of time, for your response'.

In lines one and two, I assume you are referring to Rose, the Ninth Doctor's companion. If this is the case, you could change make it singular 'do you know of the red Rose? The Rose of the salty, dark sea.' Also in doing that you should capitalize Rose, as that is a name and therefore a proper noun. You could also capitalize 'river' in the last line, if you are referring to the Doctor's wife.

Again, this is a great poem (some might same it's 'fantastic'). I hope you write a sequel with the classic companions. If you do, I can't wait to read it.

Hello, Chips here with a review.

Firstly, the comments you've made to update us such as, "I have been in the poetry mood lately so here's my newest idea."
And "I might do a (much longer) sequel with the classic companions. It will probably be in Short Stories/Possibly poems when I get around to writing Part 3."

These are completely fine, however it is distracting adding them in with your poem, I actually got a bit confused at the end as I thought it was a part of your poem! You could add them the comment of this poem, or in the description or even on your wall.

Swiftly moving onto the review.

"Do you know of the red roses?

The roses of the salty, dark sea."

I liked how you opened with a question to intrigue the readers, and gave further description of the roses. It sets a pleasing scene and interesting imagery. However, the next line seems unrelated to this one,

"Have you seen a mouse, a mouse with a name, in London lately?"

The location has changed, and now a mouse has come into the poem, it just seems a bit incoherent, so perhaps linking them somehow? There is also redundant repetition of the word, "mouse", one would suffice.

"A face waits in the middle of time, waiting for your response."

Again here "waits" and "waiting", are fine but are too close together, hence it feels more repetitive.

"Smith and Jones

Noble and Lord

Pond and Williams, intergalactic humans

A river leads to an Oswald but when is the end"

Perhaps I am missing something, but I don't fully understand the name pairings and their significance. A full stop is needed at the "end", no pun intended.


Overall, I hope this helped. Keep writing!


--Chips

Ok, feedback time.
I really like this poem, it has clever references to doctor who. And while I feel I am a pretty hardcore fan I still feel like I missed some of the references. I didn't get the face in the middle of time line. I feel it either refers to the face of boe, or simply the doctor and I'm way overthinking it. I like the initial reference to what I can only assume is bad wolf bay, with roses in the salty sea and whatnot. I do really like this poem, each line is carefully thought out and contributes to the next. I also like that you used plural on roses because there are two of them. Overall a lot of clever and subtle references to a great TV series. Do more please.

Ok, feedback time.
I really like this poem, it has clever references to doctor who. And while I feel I am a pretty hardcore fan I still feel like I missed some of the references. I didn't get the face in the middle of time line. I feel it either refers to the face of boe, or simply the doctor and I'm way overthinking it. I like the initial reference to what I can only assume is bad wolf bay, with roses in the salty sea and whatnot. I do really like this poem, each line is carefully thought out and contributes to the next. I also like that you used plural on roses because there are two of them. Overall a lot of clever and subtle references to a great TV series. Do more please.