Young Writers Society


16+

Live and Don't Die

by Brigadier


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Screams echo

the Doctor is dying

Poor Polly and Ben

Wait he's not

What is this sorcery?

Those last companions stay for a bit

Eventually escaping to Earth

trying hard not to forget

the Cybermen or Daleks 

Jamie the soldier

Fought the English and found great trouble

Unexpected future or death by a rope

He stayed among the longest

But like others his time came to an end

Victoria was a Dalek fighter from the start

It was natural she went with the Doctor

The end of her companionship was happier than most

The grieving ended and a new future began

Zoe was among the first scientists

to find herself traveling into science fiction

Her end was much like Jamie's

Her fate decided by the Gallifreyan council

Next came my favorites

Characters who lasted the longest

the Brigadier and Sergeant Benton

Just the Brigadier as a title, hah

Alistair Gordon Lethbridge Stewart

Head of UNIT intelligence agency is the name

And that over there is Benton who we don't pay nearly enough

Benton remained through the Fourth regeneration

the Brigadier stayed around a bit longer

But all companions come to the end

Damn it the Doctor had to go 

And die again


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396 Reviews


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Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:00 pm
Pompadour wrote a review...



hullo, Lizz~

apologies for how short this review is going to be--life's got me in a twist so my brain is very scattered as of currently--but i'll try my best to be helpful!

i'm not super-familiar with Doctor Who--i've seen half of the first season--but i do know that the doctor regenerates quite often, so maybe that's something to go by at least. the exasperation of the narrator comes across pretty neatly, but the statements ['the Doctor is dying' + 'Damn it the Doctor...'] are so matter-of-fact that it tinges the entire poem with this light, quirky bitterness. you start with this fact; you end with this fact, and it ties the piece together quite nicely. what i understood was:
- that the poem talks about how anticlimactic certain plot elements can be,
- as well as the recurrent deaths of minor characters to evoke emotional responses from audiences.

and in doing this it actually probes into a deeper topic--that is, the importance of side characters, who are more often than not better fleshed-out or more likeable than the main characters/have the potential to be better fleshed-out. i think the best example for this is in the line: '...Benton who we don't pay nearly enough'. [in passing--it ought to be *whom.]

in terms of voice, i think this is excellent. i do feel, though, that the voice does not get across as well when you read the poem in one go--in fact, the range of emotions came across more strongly when i broke the poem down and reread it. while i appreciate how the lack of punctuation are playing with stream-of-consciousness and lending the narrative the air of a rant, do consider breaking this up a little? it's a lot to take in at once, especially when it runs along with no pauses for the reader to catch a breath!

there is some repetition--i'm not sure how i feel about this--but it does cause the writing to flag. 'lasted the longest', 'stayed a bit...' makes the piece feel monotone and slurred simultaneously. play with this a bit? it's quite an interesting piece, one that i feel has value both as a death count for the fandom and also touches a more three-dimensional topic: the media. pretty meta. i like it.

keep writing! keep it up!

hoped this helped, if a little~

~pomp x




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Fri Oct 27, 2017 1:38 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Well, I never have gotten into Doctor Who, but I know enough about it that this more or less made sense to me. I particularly loved the first three lines and the last three lines, the last three lines the most: they were humorous and just sounded like someone who's kind of exasperated like "ugh, the Doctor's dying AGAIN oh fine just get it over with already" which is a funny reaction to death.

(Even though I know it's just because he regenerates.)

(It's kind of like when Sam and Dean die on Supernatural and you just know they're going to come back to life so at this point you just roll your eyes and wait it out. It's only tragic when someone else dies.)

I think it's kind of interesting you chose to do this as a poem, because it's just kind of a list of fandom stuff, specifically the Doctors' various companions. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's fine as just a funny fandom poem, I guess, but definitely the strongest parts were the first and last lines. Although I could just be saying that because I haven't seen more than a couple episodes of Doctor Who, so you might be able to ignore that.

I was going to suggest cutting down the middle, because it just reads like a long, dry list of companions and their various fates, but since I don't watch the show I won't get into that. Instead I'll say that the first and last lines make it sound like the poem is going to be more about the Doctor and his regenerations, but then the middle bits are all about the companions and don't always relate them to the Doctor's regenerations. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not sure what the point is supposed to be.




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Thu Oct 19, 2017 7:44 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello LadyLizzLovelace! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Screams echo

the Doctor is dying

Poor Polly and Ben

Wait{,} he's not

What is this sorcery?

{Add a "--" here to separate stanzas}

Those last companions stay for a bit

Eventually escaping to Earth

trying hard not to forget

the Cybermen or {DALEKs}

{--}

Jamie the soldier

Fought the English and found great trouble

Unexpected future or death by a rope

He stayed among the longest

But like others his time came to an end

{--}

Victoria was a {DALEK} fighter from the start

It was natural she went with the Doctor

The end of her companionship was happier than most

The grieving ended and a new future began

{--}

Zoe was among the first scientists

to find herself traveling into science fiction

Her end was much like Jamie's

Her fate decided by the Gallifreyan council

{--}

Next came my favorites

Characters who lasted the longest

the Brigadier and Sergeant Benton

Just the Brigadier as a title, hah {this is weak}

Alistair Gordon Lethbridge Stewart{,}

Head of UNIT intelligence agency is the name

And that over there is Benton who we don't pay nearly enough

Benton remained through the Fourth regeneration

the Brigadier stayed around a bit longer

But all companions come to the end

Damn it the Doctor had to go

And die again


This should be rated for language - even though it is already rated - it should be rated specifically, I think. Where I come from, "damn" is a swear. Also, I wouldn't put this as "general." I would put this as "fanfiction." Even though this is a poem, this is a fan poem of DW. Otherwise, great job. Keep up the good work.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:15 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Liz! Casanova here to do a review for you!

Anyway, I'll just do a quick overall summary for this and let you nitpick what I'm talking about. I'll be reviewing this as poetry although it says other, so I hope you don't mind.

Anyway, overall I can tell that this is a fandom poem. And I honestly hate fandoms, but I think besides the style and a few nitpicks this is pretty decent. Anyway, the style isn't a preference of mine. There's the regular line spacing between each line, and it's really long. I see a thousand works like this every day and honestly sometimes they can get boring. Anyway, the next thing.
The next thing is some of your lines are cut offs. What I mean by this is they randomly seem to cut off, because they're too short in length.Your lasts line, And die again, doesn't have this problem. But, this being said, I do think that you handled this well.
The next nitpick is the lack of style and flow. It's continuous and besides it being based off of a fandom tv show I find that it seems to lack a bit of direction. Prune this and nurture this and I think that you might have decent poem on your hands.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on

your battle partner, Crowley




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Sat May 14, 2016 5:51 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



I like the idea behind this, but it felt very choppy reading it. A lot of the phrasing is awkward, for example:

"Benton remained through the Fourth regeneration."

This line feels very removed from the situation, where most of the work is rather emotional and casual. The tone overall seems to flip-flop between the emotional and the cut-and-dry.


It seems like this is from the point of view of the viewer of the show, but the Doctor's "death" and regeneration as referred to in the beginning should not be a huge surprise, especially as the companions referred to spread over many different incarnations of the Doctor.

Overall, it could use some polish, but I like the perspective it looks at. :)




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Thu May 12, 2016 8:27 am
MicrohieraxFT wrote a review...



Sounds nice. :) Though I didn't get most of the wording. You see, the only punctuations I've seen is a question mark and a comma. I even mistook it for a poem before rereading, or maybe it's in the wrong category (?) I hope it didn't sound bad when I said that. I won't intend to hurt people. I honestly think it should be written in a slightly different manner, and having quotation marks added.




Brigadier says...


Are you a doctor who fan? If not it won't make much sense. Thank you anyways for the review.




“Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all -
— Emily Dickinson