Trying to Write a Poem.

Well, first of all, kudos for writing in rhyme. I think that you got a good rhythm going right up to the last two lines. The poem flowed really well and as far as rhyming is concerned you did a good job. However, I think one thing you really have to take note of is punctuation.

The way you punctuated this poem destroyed your rhyme. Despite your good choice of words, your punctuation created unnecessary pauses that staggered the flow of this piece.

This page it waits;
my words it takes.
They gouge and burn,
hurt, as they turn,
in my mind,
I try to find,

You should also think about capitalization. If it's not necessary, don't capitalize. I know a lot of poets capitalize first letters of first lines but with each line of this poem this short, the capitalization becomes very jarring. I put in my edits in bold.

Your last two lines was a bad ending in a lot of ways. First, you ruined the rhythm of the piece. It's hard to find writers who can nail rhythm spot on, and you did that. The last two lines were way too long for the rest of the poem. I think that it looked obvious that you struggled to end this poem strongly. Take more time with this and really find the perfect fit of words. Don't rush to end the poem with an ending like that. You made a good start and you can end it well without jarring the rhythm. Make it flow into one another. Another reason why I thought it was a bad ending is because it's always emphasized that you should end your poem well. It's what the reader takes away with him. It's the one that he'll remember from your poem. You need to have a lasting effect and instead you ended very blandly. It's a cliche for one thing and the 'meant to be', 'right for me' combination is just too predictable. I'm sure you can do better so I look forward to reading more from you.

I hope I helped in some way.

--Nixie