Poetry is...
Pictures made of emotions;
Options are endless.
Every idea must be heard
Through a single, organized mess.
Reality morphed into dramatized fiction
Yearning to be understood.
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Canary word: Present
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140,783 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hey Boo (can I call you Boo?), here as you requested!
First of all let me say that I see much improvement in this acrostic versus your previous ones. You made the wise decision of doing something short, so now you can work your way up as you get better. Great job, very impressive! I also commend you on no grammatical errors
Still, I felt like this poem was lacking. The trouble with doing a short acrostic is that there is the great danger of there not being enough material to really leave a good lasting impression. There is also not much room for expansion. This is where this poem kind of falls short of "wowing" me. You use some great literary elements here that made me nod my head, but the poem as a whole is not very memorable, or "out there," so to speak.
Well, this is a nice start, but these two lines are supposed to be one sentence, but it hardly sounds that way. The first line is fine really, but the second line is a bit too blunt and choppy, so it ruins them both
Let me just say I absolutely love the "organized mess." This is a wonderful use of an oxymoron! Again, maybe you could be a bit more descriptive in these lines, becuase as I said before you have to expand enough in this short space to leave a lasting impression on your readers.
Honestly I like this finish. It is short sweet, but descriptive enough. You really need to just work on the material above it.
Well, that's it form me. Keep going Boo, you are getting better!
Hey there Boo! So I’ll say right off the bat that StoryWeaver already made the biggest point I wanted to make. Using restraining poetic schemes like this can really limit the power of a poem because, well, it restrains you from being as creative as you could be. Being creative with limited formats takes a lot of extra work. A lot!
But with the restrictions you’ve put on yourself, you’ve done a darn good job. Not great, but good.
One thing that would really help, in my opinion, would be to work on your first two lines. For me, these are the ones that through your poem off the most. The other four lines are made of two sentences. Line 3 is the first half of sentence one and it blends seamlessly as part of line 4. The same with line 5 as it blends into line 6. But lines 1 and 2 aren’t the same. Yes, they’re sort of connected with the semi-colon but neither are complete phrases. If they were two complete phrases that blended more cleanly together, I think the whole of the poem would have a much cleaner vibe and it would read better as well.
Even though I bashed on those first two lines, I will say that the rest of the poem is pretty good, (though there should be a comma at the end of the fifth line). You definitely represented poetry and the poetic idea well and I definitely have to give you a huge hug for that. *hugs*
Best of luck!
~lilymoore
This was pretty good, but I felt like you worked too hard to make it fit the mold you're trying to put it into - which is a good challenge, but do what you can to not let it compromise your use of words. Right now if feels to me a little bit like reading a list, rather than a poem, although I like this one better than your other. I like some of the imagery you use here, though, like "Pictures made of emotions." I think I already pointed this out in the other poem of yours that I reviewed, but it's hard to get things to really click in restrained schemes like this, but it can end up being really cool too once you get the hang of it. This was good, I just felt like this was lacking something.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver