hood up
face down
ear plugs in
ignore the whispering.
Lies run through rumors
and dance into my sight.
Little pin pricks draw blood to light.
Every rumor spread like butter melting
my heart becomes hard, unwanting, begins hurting.
Stares, unwandering, looking me head to toe, belief in only lies.
Who I am, Who I have been, Where my future leads they will never know.
But have forever affected me with lies they bestowed into truths and continued to grow.
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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
The overall shape of this poem is what first caught my eye. I really liked the slope of it. Then, when I read it, I felt connected to it because its almost like you described me. So from the beginning I knew that this would be a positive review!
You have excellent word choice, and imagery. My favorite is in the last line, "bestowed into truths". It's most excellent! Also, the idea of rumors spreading like butter melting is painfully true. However, I have a question. When the stares are "unwandering" do you mean the people never look anywhere but at you, or is it a typo for unwondering? Like they don't wonder about you? Just thoughts.
Other than those questions, I have little left to say. I'm sorry for the short review!
You seem to have excellent writing style and sense of proportion. I like it!
Good luck & Sweet endeavors,
Xyra
Wow, this is really creative, both mentally and visually. I enjoyed the very dark and depressing emotive language you used in this poem, it really increases the emotional effect on the reader. I spotted no particular rhyme scheme, but I may have just missed it. I had only two problems with this piece:
1. Being a bit of a perfectionist, I noticed that when you said 'Every rumour' the previous line didn't end with a full stop, therefore shouldn't have begun with a capitol letter. Whether that was a typo or a simple mistake, I'm not sure, just proofread to check.
2. 'my heart becomes soggy, unwanting, begins hurting.' I'm not sure 'soggy' is the most effective word you could have used, it seems almost childish in nature, which sort of ruined the drama of the poem.
Aside from that, this is amazing, truly. I'll be sure to check out your other works.
DNX out.
Wow. This is awesome.
I like it a lot.