This is poem/my feeling for the love of my life. =] So this is not posting the right way lol. But " She is Amazing, and all mine. " Is suppose to be out to the side.
I have decided,
I cannot control my feelings towards her.
She
is way to good, for me.
I know I will never do better,
than her. She
is
a dream girl. Perfect
curves, beautiful golden
hair that wraps around her body.
Amazing,
that she is mine.
I wrap my arms
around her slim waist,
and
kiss her forehead.
It seems she is about to
rouse, but slips back to sleep.
All
I know is that when she
does awake, we will be
one together. I can tell her
I love her, because she is
Mine.
For you, my Angel.
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139,536 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
I think it's pretty sweet when someone shows how much they love their lover with a poem!
The format is very interesting, the way you wrote it made me think of it as a song.
Anyways, continue your sweet writing!((:
Here as requested! (Thanks for that, by the way.) This is a very sweet poem! You wrote it perfectly for the reciever. i think fries got all the nitpicks soo..... *drumroll*
MORE nitpicks.
Fries did a good job, and since you probaly don't want to hear thing twice, I only have a few things.
Amazing,I don't thing this should be capatilized. It works in the message and poem as a non-capatilized word. Also, I think amazing doesn't need the "ly". It works like it is.
that she is mine.
I wrap my arms
around her slim waist,
and
kiss her forehead.
It seems she is about to
rouse, but slips back to sleep. try "into" instead of "to" here. It fits better, in my eyes.
AllHere it is again!
Flow!
This ones flow is a toughy! The flow of this piece is very well, provided with frie's critique's. The flow on it is tossed around a bit with the cute side message. the ending ends the poem sweetly and solemly. If you messed with the flow, I think it would mess with the message. So, good work! Beside the nitpicks, there's no more to say! Hope I helped!
Wow, nice poem. Very cute. Keep writing! =D
Awww, this is so cute! I think your Angel will really love it, and I think it's so sweet that you've written this for her
I think Fries has made almost all the corrections I can see, apart from one:
Should be "way too good".
Apart from that I really enjoyed it, and it's a really nice, sweet poem.
Oh, also, at the bottom,
Should be "For you, my Angel.
Sorry this wasn't very helpful, but there's not really anything else to critique
'Pyre
This is so cute, I love it!
I just made corrections I think I would fix, I might be wrong.
Hope I helped, though I doubt it(first time I reviewed like this
I think your Angel will love it
-fRiEs