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Helli, Hellue, Demoness here!
I also like your rhymes, they were pretty simple and maybe this piece lacked imagery but they weren't forced which is great!! I also like the topic you choose since it's easy for many people to relate, and you express the confuse one can feel in that state between child and adult. Nice job!
So, to begin with - I thought this was a quite interesting and amazing poem!!
I like the structure of your stanzas and it's a great plus that you've at least tried with the punctuation stuff even though I agree with the changes Kit pointed out
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Hey boo. We need to talk, see. It's about this poem you wrote.
Just today I had the displeasure of incredible insult when I, discussing the process of writing poetry with a co-worker, was informed of his opinion of juveniles writing. "Juveniles write juvenile," he told me. He meant early to mid teens. I had to slyly remind him I was older than I looked to salvage my pride and not look egotistical. But he is kind of right. Has to do with the ability to express oneself adequately. And that has to do with vocabulary. And that has to do with how well read you really are.
Now, let me ask you this; do you think you've expressed yourself adequately?
If you do, you'll waste your time reading my review. I'd hate to waste your time.
This is a little too "young" if you wanted this to be serious. Nursery-rhyme-y. "Young-ness" in a coming of age poem is balk-worthy. Counterproductive to an extreme--"Juveniles write juvenile," (kudos, Jonathan, you're quotable). Plus I always found nursery rhymes a little too quaint.
DID? DID or you badly need to show the reader how you got here with all these scars (uh, following the obviously paraphrased adage, "One day your pain will make you wise," wise as in of-age, the goal for which one would suffer for.). There's no transition--and that's what coming of age is all about.
Also, last line in the strophe is pointless. It serves no purpose.
This too is pointless. This is not what I--a reader of this poem--think this poem is about. This poem is about coming of age, this strophe is about being uncertain you've come of age. That's another poem altogether.
Like I said, read. Read a little of everything.
Good luck.
To continue from S's nitpicking, I would like to ask, why put the question mark in the first line at all?
If the question mark is there, it leaves the last three lines fragmented. "For me, to stop being me, and become the woman I'm supposed to be." isn't a proper sentence, it doesn't make sense on it's own. "Don't you think it's time for me to stop being me, and become the woman I'm supposed to be?" It might be more coherent and substantial as two lines instead of four.
"Don't you think it's time for me to stop being me
and become the woman I'm supposed to be?"
So did you decide to have no rhymes, then slight rhymes then rhyme the last quatrain, as like a technical metaphor for maturity? If so you should highlight it a bit more, to show that it's deliberate. Here would be a good time for some kind of metaphor or supporting poetic techniques that aren't rhyming. How can you make the problem more physical, more real, more detailed?
Reduce this, "I have enough scars to fill a book and they forever tarnished my look" seems like you're twisting the words around for a rhyme. Write what you want those lines to say in half the number of words to find out the focal points, what are the important parts of it. "Grew with my blood that flowed out like ink", again is a cluttered line, clean it up.
I like these lines, their earnest, plainspoken and true, which is really all poetry needs to be. Good work, happy editing.
Hey there, Boolovesyou.
First off, as I normally like to start my reviews off, I just want to say that I really did like this. I think that what you have now is quite nice. However, there were a few punctuational errors that I continued to notice, which drew as a small distraction to my eye. But no sweat, I think I've caught them all. One thing you must remember to keep in mind with poetry and punctuation though, is that if you're going to use it, use it correctly and consistently throughout the whole piece. I continued to see missing periods and such more toward the end of the poem. Whereas in the beginning, it seemed as if you were trying your best to be on key with everything you could. Which is fine. I enjoyed seeing the effort. There was just a few things you had a little off. x)
Not too bad I'd say. For once you fix these tiny errors your poem will look much better. One more thing though I think I must point out aside from the obvious punctuation, was the pace of some of your rhymes. Some were short and seemed to end very abrupt, whereas others seemed to be a little more smooth and free flowing. The stanzas didn't quit seem too similar. You'd have different pacings which didn't quite match, but I'm not usually the best at this either when it comes to writing my own poetry! Easy mistakes can sometimes be the hardest to fix. But once you do, it's usually very worth it in the end.
Anyway though, nice job I think. I hope you decide to maybe edit this a little later. I think it'd make quite the awesome second or third draft. ^-^
-Smylin