Hi there Boo. Lavvi in to review for you yet again
So let's get on with the review:
A) Punctuation is always key. I know I targeted this with the other poem of yours that I reviewed, but this time I'm talking about punctuation for the whole poem and not just within parentheses. I won't ramble because I did talk about punctuation as a whole in a poem but I'll repeat a few things:
- i) The punctuation of a poem and the way it is executed can affect the fluidity and/or meter of the entire thing. It's really important because it instructs the reader on how to read the poem, be it abruptly or flowing.
ii) Without punctuation, the whole poem feels like it's going nowhere because the reader doesn't know when to take breaks or continue on to the next line as if it were a divided sentence.
Two little tips that should always be taken into consideration when writing poetry. There are definitely types of poetry that go without punctuation but only in certain cases and only if the poet has a decent reason as to why.
B) Where is this going? I find this poem doesn't really click together like it should. I feel like every time I read a new sentence, it's a whole different concept. It's confusing and makes for a choppy poem. This could also be contributed to the lack of punctuation but I also think you haven't sorted your thoughts properly. Everything feels like it was only just written. It wasn't written with extreme thought that most poems should be.
Overall, it was okay. I didn't get any sort of special feeling when reading this and perhaps it's attributed to the two things I've pointed out above.
Yours,
Lavvi
Points: 18486
Reviews: 522
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