This is Weirdo, here with a review for review day. The usual stuff-
Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your work. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. You also might want to completely ignore this, after all, it's just the opinion of a random person in the middle of somewhere. Sorry if I miss read something or misunderstood something and pointed it in the review. I didn't have the time to go through the previous reviews, so sorry if I repeat something already said.
That being said, let's get into this review.
I like the humorous theme your poem has.
These are the critiques I have-
The flames crawl in
The flames crawl out
The flames begin to enter your snout
they scorch your eyes
they blow up your nose
they even eat the jelly between your toes!
Then a blood red flame with pitch black eyes
Burrows into your stomach and scorches your sides
Your weird looking face turns a slimy green
As your eyes begin to bleed.
One thing I'd like to point out is that in the starting of the poem you maintained an aa bb rhyme scheme, here, not a particular scheme was maintained, and towards the end, it was an aaa rhyme scheme. Even though I agree that poetry needn't follow a strict rhyme scheme, here, I felt that this disturbed the flow that was otherwise well-maintained. You might want to look into that.
Also,
they scorch your eyes
they blow up your nose
they even eat the jelly between your toes!
Then a blood red flame with pitch black eyes
I don't think the repetition of eyes is a good one as it sounded odd, but it's up to you if you want to change it.
Your weird looking face turns a slimy green
here, the word 'weird' sounded odd and out of place. It just made the part awkward, and I guess removing 'looking face' would sound better.
Overall, a nice poem. Hope this helps,
Weirdo out
Points: 1334
Reviews: 67
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