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Agent Lightning Operation TreeBeast Chapter 2: Teachers and sawblades

by Boluk


What happened after that felt like a blur. But I remember most of What happened. First I sprinted out of the bathroom and ran towards my room. I undressed as quickly as possible and began to put my clothes on. I put my beige pants on and was about to put on my T-shirt when suddenly Clara ran into my room with my backpack in hand. She threw it at me and grabbed my hand before bolting out the room, we fell down the stairs and mom threw a peice of toast at me. I caught it in my mouth just as we reached the bottom. I got up, ran too the door, opened it, and sprinted outside. Our parent's don't own a car so we had to walk to school or in this case run.

We were running like we had never ran before. We were running so fast that in a few seconds of running we were out of breath and panting. I looked to my side at Clara. Her long brown hair covered her face. She took it back, revealing her weird set of freckles she had on her cheeks they were in the shapes of pentagrams which I thought looked kinda neat. I looked ahead and smiled. I could see my middle school. We ran, ran, and ran until eventually we reached the steps. At this point, I was super tired. In fact I was so tired I sat on one of the steps and touched my chest. My heart was beating so fast I felt like it was gonna pop out of my chest and run off into the distance. Suddenly I realized something was very, very wrong. If I could feel the skin on my chest I wasn't wearing my shirt. I must've dropped it while we were running. Clara had already beaten me and was gossiping with her friends.

I frantically looked around for it. Eventually I saw it. The only problem was it was next to Snidely pines. Snidely is the most boring person in the universe. If he makes eye contact with you he will immediately tell you a bunch of idiotic nonsense He will go on and on and on about how the government genetically programmed cat's to be irritating. And how Aliens are taking over the world to use humans as fuel for their spaceships. along with a whole othe bunch of super weird stuff.

Once Snidely gave me an entire rant on why And how his cousin is in the mafia and some dumb stuff about his uncle being an hitman for four hours straight.  I hid behind a small tree to avoid him but it was no use as he walked towards me holding my shirt. "Is this yours?!" He growled at me. I quickly nodded and he smirked and threw the shirt at me. "Okay if you want to wear the flesh of Lidian babies that's your problem but don't blame when the Lidians get their revenge and turn you into a pumpkin.” See what I mean? This guy is super weird. He did probably lose his head if it wasn’t screwed on tight. I quickly put my shirt on and raced up the steps and got to advisory Class just as the late bell rang. It was music to my ears and for the first time ever I actually felt kind of good to be at Merlin middle school. Unfortunately, my sister came to class a hair's breath later.

But unfortunately for her, it was too late. Our Advisory teacher, Ms. Hollyhocks looked at Clara. With beady eyes before saying: "Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. Your late Clara, you know have lunch detention." Clara looked at Ms. Hollyhocks with hate-filled eyes before frowning and Ms Hollyhocks was a somewhat old looking woman. She had grey hair and wore circular red tinted glasses. I walked across the room, sat in a chair, and waited for the teacher to role call . "Trinity Blossom," our teacher announces. one of the girls in the back raised her hand. She was black and wore round green glasses and had long blue painted dreadlocks. "George Copperfield," Ms hollyhocks called. A kid near me raised his hand. He like Trinity, was also black, although he was much lighter and had a caramel color complexion while trinity's was pitch black. Ms Hollyhocks went over a few more names until eventually the bell rang signaling advisory was over. Normally this would be a godsend for most kids because it meant they could get away from their boring advisory teacher. But unfortunately for us our teacher was our advisory teacher and she was also my history teacher!

Ms. Hollyhocks Put a hand under her desk and pulled out a huge cup of coffee. To my surprise, Ms. Hollyhocks gulped down the entire cup in about 4 seconds and threw a small pebble at the class. The second the peblbe hit the ground it exploded into a purple mist. I let out a cough and rose from my seat. so did most of the other kids. Strangely enough, some of the other students were Completely ignoring us. They were just doing their homework. I saw one girl close to me look right at me and giggle.

Suddenly I heard another giggle from behind me. I turned around and saw a boy breakdancing. At first, I was confused but then I realized something: there was a kid snorting pencils up his nose. “Stop that dude!” I cautiously told the boy. Strangely enough he acted like he couldnt hear me. I tried to touch him but was pushed back by some strange force. I tried a few more attempts, but it was no use. I would always be repelled like one magnet facing another turned on its opposite side. Ms Hollyhocks looked kind of funny. It was as if there were two versions of her interloping over each other. Suddenly Ms Hollyhocks walked over to the door revealing that there were in fact two of her! One that we could see at the door beckoning us with her wrinkly finger, and another that was at the desk preparing a test of sorts. It didn't take a genius to know that something was very clearly wrong.

Still, me and some of the other kids followed the Ms Hollyhocks that could see us out of the room and down the hallway. Eventually, we came across a small silver key lying on the ground. She picked the key up, pointed it in front of her and made a motion like she was unlocking something. Strangely enough to when she did that I could hear the sound of something actually unlocking even though she was pointing at nothing. Suddenly just as she was done making the motion a white door appeared out of nowhere. Ms. Hollyhocks smiled and opened the door, gesturing for us to go in. I felt really weird. On one hand I knew miss Hollyhocks for a long time and knew she would never want to harm anyone, on the other she obviously has been keeping secrets, from us, so maybe the whole teacher personality is just a facade and she is really just a dangerous lunatic.

Still We pretty much had no choice in the matter so me, George, snidely, Trinity Clara, and a few other followed her. The inside was Much bigger than the outside. It was a cold, and white room that was completely empty save for a single well in the middle of the room. Ms Hollyhocks stood behind the wall and smiled. "I have been informed that each of you kids have magical properties and I wish to test them-" ms Hollyhocks began, "and I wish to enroll you into a very special type of school". She emphasized on the word special. "But first you have to complete a very simple test" "what is it?" Clara asked, shaking. "Awaken your true soul!" Ms Hollyhocks cried dramatically. Our teacher waved a hand at us and what can only be described as a beam of darkness shot out of her hand! As the beam got closer it began to change shape and when it got close enough it became a full fledged portal.

At this point me and a few other kids were getting really scared so we decided to go back through the door but when we turned around the door suddenly closed and locked shut. The walls were getting smaller and smaller at a rapid rate and on top of that there were flaming spikes growing out of the walls. As the spikes got closer and closer although strangely enough we couldn’t feel the deadly heat, We had absolutely no choice but to go into the portal, so we all at once jumped into the portal, and into the possibly deadly unknown.


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Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:26 am
ShadowVyper wrote a review...



Hey Boluk,

I see you have another chapter of this up, so I figured I'd drop by for another review, since I've already read the first! You're already familiar with my reviewing style at this point so let's just jump straight into the review itself...

What happened after that felt like a blur.


Okay, so almost always, it's generally frowned upon to have a direct continuation from one chapter to the next. The point of chapter breaks is to give readers a bit of a mental break before diving back into the story. You have have it be immediately after -- but having a direct continuation makes it feel like you just slapped a chapter break in there for the heck of it and aren't actually thinking about what makes for a strong chapter.

I think this chapter would be improved if instead of you having a "what happened after that" you just started directly with what it was that happened.

She was black and wore round green glasses and had long blue painted dreadlocks.


So, you might want to re-evaluate the way that you write ethnic characters, because this is a pretty racist way to do it. A bit later you do go ahead and describe their skin tones a bit more sensitively -- but you can make this description a lot stronger by actually giving details and making her seem like a real character rather than just a blanket stereotype.

This blog has a lot of really helpful, important advice about writing characters that are people of color and I highly recommend that you read up on it, in order to avoid potentially offending your readers.

~ ~ ~

Okay! The main overall thing I have to say about this chapter is watch your choice of adverbs. Using words like "unfortunately" and "strangely enough" and the sort actually makes your writing weaker, not stronger. You need to have enough substance to your writing that we, your readers, are able to feel how "unfortunate" it is or how "strange" something is -- you flat out telling us says to me that you're not confident in your writing ability and are compensating by telling us flat out what is unfortunate.

You also did a much better job with a cliffhanger in this chapter! This sets up some of those questions that need answering and gives the incentive to read on, which is excellent! Great job there!

If you have any questions feel free to hit me up!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)




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Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:40 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here with yet another review.

What I like

I really like how this story is going at the moment, it looks like you have good plan set for your story. I'm not sure what the name to your story means yet, but I can't way to find out. I think it does have the power to bring people in and make them read your story.
Even tho your chapters are short you put a lot of information in them, so that's really good.

Characters

I really like it that you are slowly telling us new things about the characters, it let's us as the reader get to know them slowly. I also like it the you also describe them in small ways through out the story. I also can't way to see what powers you will tell us they have in the next chapter.

Plot

I see the plot moving along really well, I think you have a really good idea here. I really can't wait to read the next chapter and find out what will happen next. I'm really happy that your not moving the story along to fast, making it feel rushed, i think they way your slowly bringing the plot in is just great.

Setting

The way your describing the setting is really good, It's one of the really big things that help the reader become part of the lives of the characters in the book. I don't think you have any problems there. Keep up this great work.

Mistakes

I saw you made a few small mistakes in this chapter, so I would like to point them out. There not big ones that will affect your story tho.

But I remember most of What happened.

What doesn't need a capital letter.

The only problem was it was next to Snidely pines.

Pines needs a capital because it's a name.

Still We pretty much had no choice in the matter so me, George,

We doesn't need a capital.

snidely,

It's a name isn't it, so it needs a capital.

Well that's it from me for now. I really liked reading this and reviewing it for you. I really can't wait to read the next chapter. I hope you have a great day/night and never stop writing.

Your friend
Shikora.





A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief