Hey Boluk,
Shady here with a review for you this fine evening! My style tends to be to make comments as I'm reading about anything that stands out to me, and then give a general summary of my thoughts at the end. Let's get started...
I looked in the cabinet and pulled out a nail clipper. I reached inside the toilet and began to pull out the toothbrush.
You're pulling out the toothbrush with nail clippers? That seems... odd, to say the least. What nail clippers even open wide enough to fit around a tooth brush?
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Okay! So turns out I have more general comments for this than specific critiques.
1) I think your prologue worked fairly well for the type of story that this is. I am, in general, vehemently opposed to prologues. I think you could probably get away with not having one -- but for what it is, I think it's pretty decent.
2) Focus
I think improving the focus of your chapter is a tangible way that you can improve this. The prologue focused things pretty well -- but in chapter one you have the main character waking up, and then describing himself, and then talking about his sister and their birthdays and all that. And then you have him dropping his toothbrush and it's... well it's kind of a lot, and I'm really not sure what we're supposed to gain from it?
First chapters are really important. It's the first thing (generally -- I know you've got a prologue but still) that your reader is going to judge your story on -- and you really need it to be an engaging chapter that raises questions makes us want to read on to figure out what happens next and find the answers to those questions.
But at the end of this one I still am not quite sure who this kid is or why I'm supposed to care about him. I mean sure it sucks that he's having a bad morning and all -- but who is he? Why should I care about his bad morning? Why should I keep reading to see what happens to him? So far I don't really have a solid idea of where your plot is heading and haven't yet been "hooked" to want to keep reading onward.
3) Having your protagonist describe themselves, especially in a mirror, is a bit of a tired trope. It's a lot harder to describe the physical attributes well when you're writing in a first-person perspective, but maybe trying to find ways to work that in more gradually like "my sister had the same black hair that I did" etc. etc. stuff like that, you know? A bit more of an indirect approach rather than the Good 'Ol Mirror trick.
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I think that's all I've got for you on this one, though! I hope it wasn't too harsh! I think you've got an interesting premise and the prologue definitely makes it seem interesting. Good luck progressing!
Keep writing!
~Shady
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