"Chaos of emotions"
It's so dark in this place.
Are those stars that I see?
I don't think I'll understand,
What they really feel.
You said I'm selfish.
I was in pain.
You really test me.
I’m going insane.
Your eyes? So full of life.
What about mine? Empty.
What is it? Is it a heart?
No. That's not what I see.
I'm going further,
No hand to hold.
You're simply a loser,
If you can't handle this cold.
I asked for help,
You said ‘do it alone’.
I really hate this game.
It's draining my blood.
Don't be nice, stop being nice.
Does it make you feel special?
Helping this little lamb?
Is your ego better now?
I needed help.
You said ‘no’.
So I've decided,
I don't need it anymore.
Help? Is it what I want?
I see dark.
I see dark.
I'm stuck in this endless hell.
One melody is still repeating.
I don't feel so well,
My heart. Is it still beating?
I'm dancing alone.
In small circles, slowly.
I need to move on.
But it still hurts, what you told me.
Do I look insane?
While saying it all?
I don't care, I don't know.
I'm humming my favourite song.
Hey! Let's all rise up!
Drink up now!
For the broken hearts!
Drink and dance, dance and drink!
That's all we can do.
While living like this..
It's so funny, it's so pathetic.
But oh.. The pain..
It's so magnetic.
Keep me close, keep me close.
You may lose me here.
What are you doing? I said keep me close!
You may lose me, and the end is near..
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hi! It's your friend CATS here! I thought your last poem was great, written from your heart! Aren't I AWESOME, leaving a review? Haha XD. Let's START!
First, I like how you start always with the title, a grand opening! I like how you write about your feelings, I do that too in poetry sometimes when I want to take a break from my stories or from my life. Emotions are hard to understand; I'm glad you wrote a poem about it! It is very dark, I agree. What do you represent using stars, I wonder? Cause stars can mean lots of things, I think it is really good though.
This part is actually so relatable. For me, it's my friends. My kindness, no matter how hard I try, they just aren't grateful
It flows along smoothly again. I'm no professional, but I think your talented poetry is really good, and engages the reader. I can feel the thickness of emotion, the relatability...it makes me want to cry. That's HOW GOOD IT IS.
O! Now the narrator is insulting the person that he meant for this to be! Tears falling, anger rising. Such an impactful part. I feel like it could do well without a 'this' in it, it would flow along better then it already is!! The rhythem will improve! I know, I know, I probably spelt that wrong. It's ok, it's just a review for my wonderful poet!
Sorry if this insults you, I'm trying to help, I swear! So, blood and alone don't really rhyme well, I would like if you had the same rhyme pattern throughout the entire thing. Maybe 'making me groan' is better, but again, my opinion that you totally can ignore! I really like the lines though, it is unique, and relatable at least!
If I was to say anything, it would be the same as what I said above. BUT I LOVE IT. LIKE LOVE. Your poems are so special, Bluuru! Keep writing them; they are so good. I would like to know who this is about? A friend in your life who is toxic? A family member? A bully? I'm really curious to know!!!
Yes. Stand up to the bully in your life that is causing you stress or pain. I love the rhymes! Be independent, your life is your OWN and your OWN ONLY!!!
This sounds like a song. Well done!
Okay, this is what I call a good rhythem pattern. It moves along smoothly, leading to the next part, awesome!
This part is a bit bumpy, but I accept, because I don't want to change anything cause it's my favorite part.
OOO, kinda relates to the last one! Your 'favorite song'. I would like to know what it is heheh. You are not insane. I LOVE your poems. And I'm insane. Heheh.
The energy of fire burning inside of this powerful verse...inspirational, FULL of energy. I love it. The reader's bound to get inspired, knowing that they aren't alone in this huge world. That's all I have to say.
Exactly.
The first stanza, MWAH. The smoothest thing I've ever seen. The rhyming is so good. It's perfect.
The second one, I love the repetitive 'keep me close', very interesting. I feel like without the 'and' in the last line, it would be even smoother. Like, 'You may lose me, the end is near.' It would be awesome, if it weren't already lol.
OVERALL: I think this poem has improved a lot past your previous one, you have stabilized the smoothness and fine rhythem, just a few rhymes and bumps here and there. When you fix that, it would be absolutely GREAT. I PROMISE.
Happy Reading, Happy Writing, And Happy Review Month!!!
Love,
CATS
AND IT IS GREAT ALREADY> YOUR POEMS ARE SO NICEEE AND FULL OF EMOTIONNNN CAN"T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU COME UP WITH NEXT!!!
JDNDJS OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN. I'm so glad that it wakes up emotions in you. I was aiming for it! And yaaa, I do have a problem with rhymes. I need to learn more words in english cause it's my second language. Then I'll be unstopaple hehe. The "stars" were supposed to be either people who are shining brighter, or hope. And this poem is mostly about my family, who is misunderstanding me and my pain, answering to your question "who is it about" ^^ and thank you again!!
THANK UUU!!! Your poems will be unstoppable ehehe. What's your first language? English is my second language too; mine is Chinese
Polish ^^
OOOO NICE
wow...
happy review month! I'm not great at writing reviews but I shall try! :] Into the review!
first off, wow, this is insane. I read poetry a lot cause it's really interesting how people express emotions through alliteration and assonance, this is one of the most emotional pieces I've read in a while. The best way to describe this poem is breathtaking, as I was reading, I felt like I was holding my breath. The emotions I went through while reading this were crazy. Anyway, you are extremely talented, keep up the great work. Mwah Mwah
-STARRYY
Omg THANK YOU SO MUCH! WAAH it really means a lot to me! I'm glad it's emotional! I don't really know how to show it in reply but I'm SOO HAPPY AND GLAD!!
Hello!!! First off welcome to the website- i haven't seen you until now! I hope you enjoy it here!!!
This poem is just so, in a sense, freeing, and I love the vulnerability in this, which truly makes this poem so great. The language and the choices of words are just so casual, they truly just mirror the string of thoughts that occurs in many people who have bad mental health, and even I see some of the thoughts I had (and sometimes have) reflect this poem. In contrast to the usual image of a poem "needing" flowery language to wrap up terrible, wrecking thoughts and feelings for the readers, this approach of being more casual with the language and word usage makes this poem feel way raw, grounding and relatable, which makes this poem uniquely impactful.
There is so much complexity in how the speaker feels. Especially with the tone shifts in the poem. To possess this frustration about themselves and how others perceive them, to be at the edge of their breaking point, to have this lingering resentment and bitterness (or well, perhaps even jealously) towards others who they perceive as feeling more lively than them, to want to escape the torture of these thoughts while simultaneously being so used to this that they "embrace" this suffering... it's all here. The cruelty (of yourself and others), complication, and complexity of what it means to be mentally scarred.
The darkness, and then the stars, create such isolation that makes the audience more intimate with the speaker. I also interpret this is a metaphor of how the speaker feels isolated from others. As if the speaker sees people as "around them" instead of living with people, and that the stars' brightness and "fullness" are a metaphor to how they perceive other people as more lively and "full" in compared to them. The speaker feels so detached (or far) from others (the stars), that they can't grasp how these people navigate life in and outside of them.
This also really stands out to me when it comes to how people perceive bad mental health and interact with others with that health. The way people push and pull, and are so flimsy when it comes to perceiving and interacting with other people's bad mental health is like a "game". Trying to figure out when or if someone who is supposed to be there is truly going to care about the suffering you go through is like a "game". It's so ingrained in life for many people, even important people in your life, to perceive bad mental health in a way that demeans or downplay other people's health, that at some point you start to see less value in life itself- like its a "game".
Personally these have got to be one of my favorite lines. So meaningful, and poetic. Going over and over when it comes to hurtful thoughts - this is a great way to represent that.
This comparison to how you get used to bad mental health to being a song—how it goes up and down, how it got its own pattern and structure, how it can get stuck in your head and consume you— is really interesting to me. It's just really compelling, which makes these one of my favorite lines. I do get that "I'm humming my favourite song" is literally just announcing the speaker will sing a song about them being used to this state of their mental health, but even that line can be a metaphor itself, which is interesting.
But also I like to imagine that line gives emphasis on that the speaker is so used to their mental health, their thoughts just casually string along from their depression then to something else quickly (to like literally a song they like), since these thoughts of theirs are just so apart of their daily life. Because yeah, that happens.
The final stanza is so lovely. The shift from the song about being used to it all, then to this last shift about them mourning how isolated they feel is so impactful. The desperation, the snap towards the deep reality that they truly, really, can't ever be used to this is so heavy.
What a great poem!!! It's so raw, heavy and vulnerable, and so grounded too. I hope you are well, and keep writing!!
I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Really glad! Thank you soo much for your review! It means alot! I'm so happy with how you described and understood it! I'm so bad with replying but just omg. I don't even know how to show how happy and glad I am! Really!
AW and thank you so much for this reply! aw you're welcome - but most of all, i just really appreciate that you enjoyed this review, and that i was able to read this poem in a way that's close to how you intended it to be read, especially considering how this poem is so layered and complex! haha i get it, words are too complicated to even express yourself sometimes... i'm glad this review made you happy ^^!!