They are in boxes,
But they fight to break free,
Through kicking, or pushing,
Or finding a key
I am in a box,
But I like it in here.
It’s warm, and it’s safe,
And there’s nothing to fear.
Do I have to be different?
Or can I just stay,
Locked in my box
For the rest of my days
They tell me ‘stand up’,
They pound on my lid,
But I keep my courage
Carefully hid.
I wish I would help them,
But I’m just one girl
So I sit here and watch
Like the rest of the world.
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139,430 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Heyo Bellayor, happy review day! Subtle here for a review. I'm not an expert on poems but this was quite interesting. Contray to the usual, I'm going to get out the box and change the world, this seems the exact opposite, even though it is a bit angst and somewhat seemingly helpless, is not half bad
So,by he poem is about a girl who is afraid to help others so she shuts them out and hides in her own world. Alright, valid thought. But in this case, don't you think it would be so much more if you used figurative language to show us her emotions rather than writing it out so literally.
You told us, she liked it here. But you could have used some sensations to say that is nice there. Also, who is that they at the start? Elaborate more? At the end, I wish you could have develop more on how she didnt have the courage to push open the lid, and why she had to time.
Questions aren't bad sometimes, but when too many of them comes, it just becomes annoying. Overall, I think you have a good idea here. But I get the sense that you haven't really thought about this, or much about developing it further and deeper. You should.
-S.s
Thanks for reviewing! I get what you mean about using figurative language instead of just writing out her emotions. I have a tendency to 'tell' and not 'show.''They' is supposed to signify people who aren't afraid to help others, but I guess I didn't convey that clearly enough. Actually, this topic is something I think about a lot, but maybe this wasn't the best way to express that.
Oh my goodness!! I loved this poem a lot. My preference with poetry is rhyme and if I can't have rhyming then I like a good flow. Obviously this has rhyme and it's not forced. I like the idea of the poem but am a bit confused. Is she being asked to come out and help? Or just come and face her fears? Either way I really like it. The two lines "But I keep my courage carefully hid" is a little bit less flowy (not a word...) but that's just because 'carefully hid' has a shorter line, out of necessity I think.
LOVED IT SO MUCH.
Happy Writing,
CreativelyWritten
Thanks for the feedback! The line 'Carefully hid' is a bit short, I admit, but I couldn't add anything else without disrupting the rhythm.
That's what I kind of figured. So is it about her facing her fears or helping people?
Both, actually. This girl is afraid to help others.