There are benches, but we don't sit down
Our wings are far too big for that.
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
I just realized that every time I read this I think of the angels from Night Vale. Probably affected by your avvie, but whatever.
Hey CesareBorgia here for a review.
I have to say that this poem involved great brevity, but somehow still left an imprint in my mind.
This is going to be a hard review, since it's really short.
It reminds me of Richard Gates' two lines of poetry:
And your poem
Your poem gives the reader a tender moment, as did Richard Gates, which is high praise considering he's a proffesional writer.
Best of luck in writing
~CesareBorgia
This wasn't meant to be a full-blown poem. I just put it under poetry because I didn't know where else it would fit. Sorry if I disappointed anyone!
Do not apologize for art! This was the opposite of disappointing. Hakuna matata, my friend.
WOO LITERARY SPOTLIGHT YOU GO
Hi Bellator,
Thought I'd jump in with some comments for you. As this isn't REALLY a poem, I don't have much to comment on that. I'd rather call it a fragment of some kind. It has no structure or elements pertaining to poetry other than a line break; it's a broken poetic thought that somehow ended up on a page.
Now, I don't have problems with poetry fragments. In fact, I LOVE reading unfinished or lost bits of poetry, but this doesn't really give that feel... most poetry fragments have at least four lines. This is two lines trying to be four lines, and it doesn't really do any work. That said, I like the sentiment of this as a quote or something similar.
For these two lines to work, you have to be saying something really incredible or totally groundbreaking. You need to change something with just two lines; something the greatest poets would struggle to do with four. Therefore, the bar may be a little high here. Just worth considering. I would however, think about using this in a more complete poem.
Best,
MM
Sorry, I meant to send that as a review. Take two!
One of my favorite movies is called the Dead Poets Society, starring Robin Williams as an inspirational English teacher who was once a rabble-rouser at a very prestigious boys' boarding school. He teaches adolescents how to appreciate poetry. In one scene (I'm getting to my point I promise), he assigns the boys to write a poem and present it to the class. One boy, in an attempt at making a joke, stands up and reads, "The cat sat on the mat," before sitting down. Williams' character, Mr. Keating, turns the joke into a teaching moment with one line: "Some of the greatest poems are about simple things; just don't let your poem be <i>ordinary."</i>
That's what I think you could work on with this. I like the image, the concept, the word choice, the syntax, all the technical stuff is right and I like it. But the subject is a little plain, a little ordinary.
One of my favorite movies is called the Dead Poets Society, starring Robin Williams as an inspirational English teacher who was once a rabble-rouser at a very prestigious boys' boarding school. He teaches adolescents how to appreciate poetry. In one scene (I'm getting to my point I promise), he assigns the boys to write a poem and present it to the class. One boy, in an attempt at making a joke, stands up and reads, "The cat sat on the mat," before sitting down. Williams' character, Mr. Keating, turns the joke into a teaching moment with one line: "Some of the greatest poems are about simple things; just don't let your poem be ordinary."
That's what I think you could work on with this. I like the image, the concept, the word choice, the syntax, all the technical stuff is right and I like it. But the subject is a little plain, a little ordinary.
Since this is very short then I'm afraid to say this review shall be rather short too.
Normally short poems are something which I will flock to, but this just seemed far too short. It is a good idea and I still enjoyed the poem. However, it just seemed thin.
Like RavenLords said this does conjure a dragonish image. Yet, I think this poem could be interpreted in many other ways. Both fantasy and in real life. You, however, are really the only person who knows the poems real meaning.
To sum up, I liked the poem but it was far too thin.
Happy writing!
Hello RavenLords here, well usually I would say a lot about a poem but this one is a bit short, not that that's bad. Anyways its short and sweet and it gives the impression of something else(Dragon maybe). Personally I would make it a bit longer, it is nice but there could be so much more to this poem. Also, the name is a bit to general, I would spice a bit its just to bland. Other than that I love it, keep up the good work!
RavenLords
short, but symbolic. loved it!