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Maycomb

by BeTheChange


Cling to tradition,

You're proper young ladies now--

Sheltered southern belles.


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Sun Jul 15, 2018 12:56 pm
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Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for this poem which is based on the novel: To Kill a Mocking Bird. In order to properly review it, of course, one has to be familiar with the novel itself. Otherwise the nuances of expressions will not have the intended meaning.

The primary themes of To Kill a Mockingbird involve racial injustice and the destruction of innocence. Scholars have noted that Lee also addresses issues of class, courage, compassion, and gender roles in the American Deep South. The book is widely taught in schools in the United States with lessons that emphasize tolerance and decry prejudice.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Kill_a_Mockingbird



The word "sheltered", to me, or any other person familiar with the story, conveys the whole southern Jim Crow tradition of keeping the white woman pristine by laws prohibiting miscegenation. It fits in with the novel's portrayal of a black man a falsely accused of having raped a white woman and how a white lawyer prov him innocent. the poem's statement is called verbal irony.

It is a statement that superficially seems to be approving of the "proper" southern belle tradition but is in fact condemning it because of the racial injustice it could and did instigate.

Verbal Irony
irony in which a person says or writes one thing and means another, or uses words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of the literal meaning.
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/verbal-irony


Within the parameters of the Haiku, I think it did an excellent job of conveying what it set out to convey.

Thanks for sharing.

BTW

I gave your Haiku to an on-line syllable counter and it came out perfect with:

5
7
5

Online Syllable Counter
https://www.howmanysyllables.com/syllable_counter/

Also, traditional Haiku restricts itself to nature. However, Modern English Haikus do not. So you are within acceptable literary parameters here.


Contemporary English-language haiku

While traditional hokku focused on nature and the place of humans in nature, modern haiku poets often consider any subject matter suitable, whether related to nature, an urban setting, or even to technology. Whereas old hokku avoided topics such as romance, sex, and overt violence; contemporary haiku often deals specifically with such themes.

Writing traditional hokku required a long period of learning and maturing, but contemporary haiku is often regarded as an "instant" form of brief verse that can be written by anyone from schoolchildren to professionals. Though conservative writers of modern haiku stay faithful to the standards of old hokku, many present-day writers have dropped such standards, emphasizing personal freedom and pursuing ongoing exploration in both form and subject matter
http://web.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Haiku




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Wed Jun 28, 2017 4:19 pm
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RishabhParmar wrote a review...



Hi, it is a micro poetry. NOt micro, it is a nano poetry. But i loved three lines. It makes one para but some times three lines give you a better explanation than several lines. I loved it. I hope you stretch this poem a bit. Want to hear more from you. Stretch it and make it a brilliant poetry.
Hope to see more poetries from you.
Keep up this good work.

:)




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Sun Jun 25, 2017 7:57 pm
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hi there! I always love a good haiku, so here I am to review your lovely poem for Review Day!

I think a problem we have in this piece is there's no hint to who the speaker is. It sounds like the speaker may be nagging these women to be proper without any reason. A second issue is that we don't exactly have any conflict. What have the women done that has made the speaker react this way? I think you have room to establish both of these things, it might just take some work.

In haiku's the main issue for me is always utilizing your word economy; making each word or rather, each syllable count. And the first two lines do a pretty good job of this. You don't need the word "you're" since it's clear that's who you're addressing because of the first line, but it does make it flow better maybe. But in the third line:

" Sheltered southern belles"
we really don't get anything new except that they're from the south. We already know that they're "belles" and the detail about them being sheltered doesn't add a lot to me.

I think you have a good start, but I would see if you can't amp up the conflict a bit more, or play with giving hints about the speaker. For instance if this poem was from the point of view of a Southern Belle -- I think it might get more sympathy for the speaker and more credence to what is being said. Play around with it maybe.

Anyways, good luck in your future writing!

Best,
~alliyah

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Sun Jun 04, 2017 8:25 pm
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kman134 wrote a review...



Hi. this is kman134. i'm here to review your work.

First off, i have never read To Kill a Mockingbird, but i've loved how it's one of the best books in Southern Literature. i'm aware that it deals with certain things like tradition and racial discrimination. however, that's all I know about the context of the story.

the references of southern belles and the roles of women in the south reflects the sheltered, domestic life women went through during those times before the Suffragette movement hit the south in the 30s. the way it's written in a haiku makes it even better and shouts it out louder than in a normal poem.

this is a pretty good work. i hope to read more.




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Sun Jun 04, 2017 6:40 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



So I see that you're around and posting haikus! I remember you from your old name, bookishminecrafter(?), and I'm glad that you're still around. Moving on from that, let's jump right into the critique of this poem, and to be honest, there's not much that I have to say about this. What I do have to say is that the topic of this is a little off for a haiku since it isn't about nature, though not all haikus have to be. Call it a haiku still if you want, since in its simplest terms, it's just a poem that's three lines long with 5 7 5 syllables. I do have to say that this fails in the syllables compartment, though. The first line has five syllables. The second has eight, and the third has six.

Using a syllable counter if you're not the best at counting them yourself would be beneficial to making the technical aspects of the poem correct. While this doesn't touch on actual nature, this touches more on the human nature, and that's why I say it still qualifies as a haiku. I'll go ahead and link some syllable counters below just in case you want to take advantage of them:

Wordcalc

HowManySyllables

The actual content of the poem is actually pretty interesting, though I'm not sure why you labelled this as fanfiction. I'm assuming that this is a poem based off To Kill A Mockingbird, though I'm not sure and I'd like some clarification on that, which would probably work best in an Author's Note or something similar.

Looking at it as a standalone piece though, it still holds up with the speaker going through a change and while growing into adolescence, is still clinging to tradition. I'm not sure of your full intention of what you wanted the message of this poem to be, though. Overall, pretty solid, though context behind the poem would help! And at the very end I just noticed in your description that this is based off To Kill A Mockingbird--oops. I'll be sure to pay more attention there next time.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

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For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn