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A Day In Early April

by BeTheChange


Barren winter trees

Stand starkly against grey skies,

Branches reaching up.


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69 Reviews


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Sun Jul 02, 2017 8:35 pm
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gxldencrxwns wrote a review...



Hello, hello, gxldencrxwns here for a review.

Overall I don't have much to say about this because of its length, but I'll try my best. What really did knock me off though was the first line. "Barren winter trees" is pretty odd since it's April. They might look like that in early March/late February, but not April. I don't know, maybe it's like that where you live, it just sounded weird to me.

The line, "Branches reaching up," makes me feel that winter has just ended and the trees are getting their leaves back and getting stronger again., moving into Spring. Despite the three lines, you managed to make a small little representation in my mind of what the scene looks like.

Keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns




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17 Reviews


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Mon Jun 05, 2017 6:57 pm
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Hey!

So its small and pretty witch are to awesome things but I feel like you could do more with Branches reaching up.
Just saying.
Hope I was able to help, take care :D




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Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:37 am
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klennon14 wrote a review...



Hi there! Here for a quick review :)

Overall, I enjoyed this piece. There's a solid kind of simplicity and beauty to it. Can haikus about nature be predictable? Of course. But the poetry reader needs a simple, refreshing, to the point piece here and there to refresh the palette.

I think this poem flows nicely and is refreshing. Good job!




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Sun Jun 04, 2017 9:26 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here back for another review! So I'm quite certain that this isn't a fanfiction based on your genres, so I don't have to worry about that aspect this time around. ;)

An overall opinion of this poem that I hold is that it's pretty standard for a directly-nature haiku, but it's effective. Just because something has been done before doesn't mean it can't be done again in a different manner. The main problem that I have with this poem is that there's nothing particularly provocative about the images that you use. 'Barren winter trees' is an odd way to describe them, though it tells us the condition of the trees, there's also the word 'winter' that threw me off, because April isn't winter...in any place in the world? I could be wrong, though, but the title with 'early April' and 'barren winter trees' is a little contradictory, as I see it now.

I understand that you're attempting to create this image of winter still crawling into spring, though I want to see it done in more inventive ways. Do this in a way that gives the reader a new way of thinking about it. The last line isn't particularly strong and does worse than the rest of the poem at building the atmosphere, which is actually nice in the first two lines. Try and play around with the wording of the last line, because in the state it's in now, it doesn't leave much of an impact and there's nothing about it that makes the reader think further than just the surface. It's effective in being a nature poem, but there's nothing quite spectacular about it that makes it stronger than other nature poems of the same essence.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Image




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Sun Jun 04, 2017 8:17 pm
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kman134 wrote a review...



Hi. this is kman134. I'm here to review your work.

i like Haiku. it is one of the most transpiring forms of Japanese poetry. the way it's structured is more unique that western poetry, starting with five syllables, then seven syllables, and then five again.

the way this poem evokes natures gives off a sense of serenity, despite how short it was. the description gave such a visual that shows the environment you are displaying. it reminds of the poem Tree by Joyce Kilmer.

The only complaint was that it isn't long as some haiku's are much longer, yet still follows the system.

Anyways, this was a nice work. i hop to read more.





I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.
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