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Tell My Dad

by AutoPilot


Hi 

I know I'm flawed

I'm a teen, perfection is not listed on my resume

For life

But I'm still trying

And could someone please tell my dad?

Tell him that I'm actually great

Well actually not

With depression and anxiety

And this problem with always needing to lose ten pounds

No matter what the scale says

But outside

I'm a great kid

I have access to a list of illegal  fast forward, pause, and slow buttons

But I'm clean, and purposefully so

But can someone please tell my dad?

Because what he hates is that i like the same thing as him

Meaning, girls

Can someone tell my dad?

Being gay 

Isn't rebelling, acting straight would be rebelling against myself

And can someone please tell my dad?

Because his ears are deaf to me


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45 Reviews


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Reviews: 45

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Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:04 pm
potatoefry2001 wrote a review...



First, I would like to say, I really feel what you are saying. I feel the mood and darkness of the poem. I can relate to the anxiety and depression and the heavy desire of losing 10 pounds. I'm sorry if your dad does not appreciate you for who you are. Being gay is not rebelling, it's just a preference. I hope you find a way to connect with him and talk with him. Even if he doesn't agree with some of your life choices, he should remember he is your father, and should love you for who you are no matter what. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you or support you. I think expressing yourself through your writing is amazing and you are really, very talented in the way you do it. If you have not already, I ask that you go to the Green Room and read the poem called "Hurt" written by me. It is my first piece and would love to hear your thoughts on it! Thanks! Again, I hope everything with your dad gets better!!




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Fri Nov 02, 2018 10:12 am
Muzzammil wrote a review...



Hey AutoPilot.

I will start with this . I feel it . The deepness of poem , the darkness of world . As i am also a teenager , i can really feel it . Specially the way you decribe it , it's beautiful , amazing and intresting tooo.

I hope you will get on this , you will reach the , my prayers are with you , keep going and never give up . ☺.




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Wed Oct 03, 2018 2:41 pm
AutumnDawn wrote a review...



YOU GO GIRL!!!!
I know how it feels to have people judge for what you like. boys or girls.
I am still struggling with the fact. if I am bi or not. I still haven't told many people who care about me.
I hope that you will find happiness. and that your dad will understand you. and that never stop reaching out your mind, heart and soul to the world with your work.
did you ever end up reading this or giving this to your dad?
I am curious thats alll
yours truly - Autumn Dawn




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Points: 18
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Thu Sep 20, 2018 10:00 pm
Littleredsstoryline wrote a review...



I just want to start off by saying this is a really really good read! It's such a relatable piece for most every teen struggles with the relationship they have with their parents in some way or another and you did a great job of voicing the frustration so many teens struggle with in their home lives.
I don't have much to critique honest but I would say that some parts of the poem would flow better if it we're structured a little differently and unnessary words are taken out for example

"Because what he hates is that i like the same thing as him

Meaning, girls"

Could just be

"what he hates is that i like the same thing as him,

girls"

I was given the same advice recently and it has made such a difference in my writing, sometimes when you use less words it makes it more impactful. I do think you are a great writer just going off this poem alone, so keep up the good work!




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Tue Sep 18, 2018 12:14 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there AutoPilot! You reviewed my poem so I'm here to return the favor.

First off, I'll say that I really like the last few lines, especially "acting straight would be rebelling against myself".

However, I think this poem takes a little too long to get to the point, and it unintentionally makes some not-so-great correlations along the way. The speaker starts by saying she's flawed, and as much as I like the line "perfection is not listed on my resume", I'm worried this opener leads to the conclusion that being gay is a flaw, which is literally the opposite of what you're trying to say.

Then the speaker takes a detour into talking about their mental health issues, which again makes the false correlation that being gay is equivalent to being mentally ill. I can almost see the dad deciding that the speaker has these problems because they're gay. Even though that is absolutely 100% not true, I think I would save the reflections on depression/anxiety for another poem.

I have access to a list of illegal fast forward, pause, and slow buttons

But I'm clean, and purposefully so


This is a unique way of saying "Hey look I don't do drugs, yay me", so kudos for that. Unfortunately, I think the only way to write a poem like this is to pump up the speaker's good qualities before explaining that their dad's main problem is that they're gay. I say "unfortunately" because, well, poems like this shouldn't have to exist. The speaker shouldn't have to justify their "awful" gayness with a laundry list of great qualities. No one should have to say that being gay isn't just teenage rebellion, because it should be known that being gay isn't a choice and that it's perfectly fine. Okay, sorry I'll stop ranting now. I guess this means at least your poem pushes the right emotional buttons, at least.

Overall, I like the message of the piece and there are some good lines, but I think a stronger focus on the speaker's positive qualities would be beneficial. Keep writing! :D




AutoPilot says...


Hullo niteowl, thanks for the review, i really appreciate it! I guess I wasn't expecting a reaction like this... I suppose it's worth saying that this poem was written in an (obvious) moment of extreme frustration. My dad assumes that because of my sexuality, which he doesn't agree with, I must also being doing a bunch of other things he considers awful... This poem is to combat that. And it is written with a rather jerky structure, but in a way it's on purpose.



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Mon Sep 17, 2018 7:38 pm
mavisknightley wrote a review...



Hey @AutoPilot,

This spoke to me immediately. To be perfectly frank, I haven't been on YWS in months and your piece pulled me into reviewing! (I only came to poke around.)

Anyway, onto the review!

******************************

Hi

I know I'm flawed

I'm a teen, perfection is not listed on my resume

For life

**I'd take out "For life". Throws off your rhythm.


But I'm still trying

And could someone please tell my dad?

**Again, for rhythm, I'd take out the "And". Flows better without it.


Tell him that I'm actually great

Well actually not

With depression and anxiety

And this problem with always needing to lose ten pounds

No matter what the scale says

But outside

I'm a great kid

I have access to a list of illegal fast forward, pause, and slow buttons
**I didn't understand this line... Could you go further into detail here?


But I'm clean, and purposefully so

**This one too... Clean how?

But can someone please tell my dad?

Because what he hates is that i like the same thing as him

Meaning, girls

Can someone tell my dad?

**I see that you are going for repetition here, and I love the concept, but this one isn't necessary. (---See below)

Being gay

Isn't rebelling, acting straight would be rebelling against myself

And can someone please tell my dad?

**---This one is perfectly placed!

Because his ears are deaf to me


***************************************

Overall, I thought this was touching, AutoPilot. Nicely done! Simple but to the point.

If I can answer any questions, feel free to drop me a pm. :)

Write On,
Mav

http://www.mavisknightley.com




AutoPilot says...


Hey Mav! Thank you so much for your review. First, to clear up your confusion, and probably the confusion of other readers; I used the lines
I have access to a list of illegal fast forward, pause, and slow buttons
but I'm clean, and purposefully so

As an obscure reference for various drugs, and my abstinence from them.
Thank you for your review, I'll definitely take this into consideration in my editing process!



AutoPilot says...


Oops, I used slash instead of italics.... sorry!




"We're just all nosy little busybodies."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi