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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
This poem is incredible, and really displays your talent for writing. I think that a lot of young writers can easily connect to your topic, which makes it a great deal more enjoyable to read. In addition, I think that you conveyed your ideas in a very symbolic and creative matter that gave the poem a very flowing feeling. The only criticism I have is that I think you could come up with a stronger title, perhaps one without an ellipses.
Keep writing, you are obviously quite talented!
- Erin
This conveys a lesson and an inspiration,..
=)
I like this a lot!
I think that you should add more though. At some points in this, it was a bit too simple. Maybe add more detail, that would make it even more interesting.
Thank you, actually my poems r much longer n a bit more detailed but it was late I was kinda tired so I improvised and this was the only thing that I got out of my mind in 10 mins. And glad you like it
Hey, my name is Klara and today I'm here to review your poem
(There is no criticism so I guess I'm just commenting)
First of all, let me tell you that I don't write poems myself and sometimes (mostly) I can't understand what is so beautiful about them when everyone says they're beautiful. XD
So I'm not really sure if I'll be of any help but anyway...
This one caught my eye and I liked it a lot. I've read few poems which deal with temptation and similar things like this one does and this is one of the best I've read so far. As far as I'm concerned so I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not xD
It's mission was to break,
It's mission was to compel, - should be its not it's
I love how well you portrayed the feeling of sorrow, regret, pain and finally tiredness, I guess.
I should have known better,
I should have walked away,
It would have help me more,
But now I'll have to wait,
To be tested,
Again. - I like the final stanza the best because it seems that you show us your emotion so easily with not any trace of reluctance etc.
The thing that I liked the most about this poem is that it is so simple and yet so emotional I'd say.
Keep writing
Oh, and I'd suggest changing your title just a little bit - Obstacles... I didn't pass
Yeah, I've been thinking of changing the title after I post it, the only thing that comes to mind when I think of the title is Failed Obstacles
The only thing I have to say for that is whoa!
Thanks