Young Writers Society

Some beautiful enthusiasm here, my friend and I hope you never lose this! If I were you I would take this poem and try to fit it into another form, I have a kind of instinctive feeling that if you do this you will make enough revisions that will somehow make this a really great piece of work.

Hi! Infinity here to review your work today

Firstly, I love the ambition behind your poem, I like that you have a desire to change the world for the better, it's a very optimistic outlook which is inspiring. As much as I like the positivity there are some suggestions an errors I'd like to address in your poem, so onto the review.

"I am not exactly great.
I am not the best.
I am no God,
But I can change the world."

In this stanza, it starts off all well and humble but then takes a big leap from not being the best to comparing yourself to God? I'd just change that to something else, which might look more appropriate for your poem. Maybe be change it to I am no champion/superhero/president/King/Queen basically any other superior figure, but you get the point right? The rest of it is okay.

I also agree that using imagery will greatly make your poem more effective because you have a great topic and can do so much with it.

"Maybe it will be hard,
Maybe it will be sad,
I may feel hopeless at times,
But My Will Power will not fail me."

This stanza is good but i think adding imagery of what will be hard or sad would help give a better understanding and use a different word other than "sad" its' not a very powerful word.

"Yes, I am lost.
I do not know where to start.
I am just one out of millions,
One out of billions."

I like this stanza because here you're seeing yourself out of many in the world, and looking to accomplish your goal.

"But one day,
You'll see,
That I have a mind,
That I am a writer."

This stanza confused me a bit because are you striving to save the world by being a writer? If so, you should have incorporated that into your poem more. And mention in which ways you are going to save the world exactly, add some scenarios and imagery to that.

Overall a good poem with a lot of potential, just add imagery and look over your choice of wording, it will clarify what you're trying to say more clearly.
Hope i was of help to you and if you want/need another review just ask!

-Infinity

Hi there, Ary. I noticed a weird thing. Right now, you have seventeen posts, seventeen reviews, and you're seventeen years old. Coincidences are strange, eh?

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

I really like the intent behind this poem. It's positive. I like that.
That being said, there are some problems with the poem.

Right now, if you hadn't broken this up into stanzas and lines, it would work perfectly as prose. I could probably find this on a blog or in some newspaper article, you know? The language is too much like prose right now. Try to use more poetic devices to make it more like poetry and less like broken up prose.

Another thing that would make this poem less prose-y is use of images. You can easily compare things to each other to create a stronger picture in the reader's mind. Right now, you have no images at all. It made for a rather dull read, to be honest. I want to be able to see something I haven't seen before in my head, or at least see something I have seen before in a new light. Metaphor and simile should be your best friends here.

When I read this poem, one of the first things I thought was, boy, that was long for what she had to say. Try cutting down on the number of words you use. State what you want to precisely and clearly, and then add stuff to spice up the words.

I like the positive attitude you show in this poem. I can't wait to see it in a more polished state. I hope that this review was helpful to you. Happy writing!

Okay, I'm Willow. I'm gonna reveiw your poem a little differently. So, yeah, we'll see if this works.
I am not exactly great. I like this stanza, it's modest yet empowering. Though
I am not the best. it flows weird from critising your self to "But I can I am no God, change the world" It just sounds a bit off.
But I can change the world.

Maybe it will be hard, Just a question, what will be hard? Changing the world?
Maybe it will be sad, maybe a change in word choice, like "It might be hard"
I may feel hopeless at times,
But My Will Power will not fail me. I do like this line, very smooth.

Yes, I am lost. I LOVE THIS STANZA. I like the "one out of billions."
I do not know where to start. It really puts things into perspective in the way of
I am just one out of millions, "Saving the world"
One out of billions.

But I wish...
To see a change,
To see a difference,
For the good.

Right now,
I might not be heard.
And maybe one or two,
Might pay attention to this.

I came to this world...
To change history,
To leave a legacy,
To make people see.

My goal is to show this world, Not the best part to end
That a difference can be made.
I may be one kid,
Stupid and ignorant.

But one day, A stanza, it makes the sentences
You'll see,
That I have a mind,
That I am a writer. Hard to read out loud and

And now, messes up the flow of the poem
I might be small,
But someday,
I will be great. See?

And after, Personally, I find it hard to believe that you'll actually
I accomplish my goal, save the world, much less that you'll just die after that
Then I will leave, I think that maybe you should rethink this paragraph,
Because I've finished my purpose. but it does lead to the next paragraph well.

But only for now,
Will I wait,
Learn,
And then speak

Hey there! Noir here, and I'll be your reviewer today. Let's rock.

Concept:This was a fantastic concept. I love how it was set up, starting from your realization that you are small, building up to you changing the world and leaving a legacy. It was refreshing and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It shows how a little person will leave their mark on the world and create a legacy to be remembered.

Rhythm: The rhythm of this poem was very good. Your use of timing and spacing is great, and your stanzas tell a story, which I loved. There were a couple of places where I stumbled to keep a beat, but they were small and therefore will not be noted.

Grammar: I saw no grammar mistakes on my read-through, so if I missed any, I apologize greatly.

Overall: This poem was fun to read. It was inspiring and happy. The rhythm was good with just a few slipping points(at least for me anyways). The grammar was excellent.

This gets my rating of 9/10. It was fun, but there's always room for improvement!

This has been NoirLumiere, and there's your review. Good night, and keep rocking!