Incoherent Plea of The Possessed

You asked for a review, and now I'm here! I hope you meant what you said!
Just kidding, I'll try to be nice. Anyway, Cailey here for the Lanterns with a review.

Nice job at making a creepy poem with a lot of emotion. I like the way you write, and I like the short lines. Even, though usually I'd go for separated stanzas, in this piece I kind of like how you have everything together in a big column.

I have a question first off, did you mean to switch from talking about "you" to talking about "her"? Are "her" and "you" the same person? If not, who is "her" and who is "you"? Try and make it more clear who your audience is, and if it's the same person, don't switch tenses unless you have a good reason.

My biggest feedback is simple: make this unique. A lot of your lines sounded really similar to lines that I've read in poetry all over the place (including some of my own). They're not bad, necessarily, but they are overused and they all sound similar, even if they aren't. You talked about nightmares and fears, but don't just use those words. Think back to your biggest fear and write that into the story.

Instead of "bringing out my fears" make it more detailed. "bringing the tarantulas out of the darkness" or whatever your biggest fear is. (I'm not afraid of tarantulas, by the way.)
And instead of "showing me my nightmares" try "showing me..." and then add in whatever your nightmare is. That makes it way more personal, and more meaningful since it has a concrete thing that we can be afraid of instead of just an abstract idea like fear.

Does that make sense? Oh, and I loved the ending. Great way to end this and add a nice twist and a fantastic abrupt stop that in a way, tied the whole thing together. Lovely job.

If you need anything feel free to let me know. And of course, keep writing!!!!

Hello there!

A nice dark and mysterious poem; i love it.

I particually like your form., good enjambement and creates a rather lucid pace. I like the ending, the just and dead as a line creates a heart wrenching crux so cudos to you!

One thing that i would suggest would be the you of curling for blood, it just doesn't sound right, i feel like a darker word would have a much better affect and would make that mini stanza a lot more powerful. As the idea of blood itself is dark, so emphasise it.

I also like your use of ellipsis after begged. It creates a nice cliff hanger and the idea of yourself questioning and the pause....fantastic! I love it.

An excellent piece and thoroughly enjoyable read!

Well done,
Ross

As I read this, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, I swear to God. I'm not kidding -- WOW. I showed it to my friend (I'm at a sleepover) and she loves it.

I don't find anything wrong with this at all. It's perfect the way it is. It's perfect, in it's own haunting way that makes my skin crawl. Yes, it's perfect.

~ Wonder

This poem was amazingly written. I couldn't have done better myself. The chilling tone is reminiscent of Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven. I may well get nightmares tonight after reading this. However, I do agree with Iribbon914 that there are some errors that need fixing.

Good job! I think, like everyone else who read this, that this was relatable. I personally believe that this has happened to everyone at one point in time. I know I have. Anyways to get the point of this review, I understand what you were trying to do using two ands in one sentence but I feel you could exploit this by adding another one just to make "and dead." seem even more final. It will greatly dramatize the ending and will bring the readers a clearer image in their mind of how hopeless and unfeeling you are. "Everything went silent like the dead." does not sound quite right to me. I would recommend that you put it more like this: "Everything went AS silent as the dead." or "Everything silent like the dead." It just makes more sense to me. Another thing with the ANDs is that you use it so frequently and at the start of the line that it takes what you are trying to say and makes it sound worn down and dull. I would rephrase it and kick the some of the ANDs to kingdom come! As someone has already pointed out, but I would like to just stress on it a little more, "making me twisted." switch it to "twisting me." To continue, "showing me, my nightmares." I am not sure if you are trying to say that it is showing you yourself and then there are nightmares or if it is showing you your nightmares and you just accidentally popped that comma in there, either just clean it up. Another thing; you skip from present to past quite frequently I would gravely advise that you keep the time hopping to a minimum in the future just for the reader's sake to better analyze your writing. Of course I could go on and on but I feel like they have gotten to the major issues. I hope you have taken these suggestions into consideration and I hope you understand that I am only trying to help you and the problems I have found are not that much of a big deal they are kind of just cracks in the sidewalk, it does not make that sidewalk unwalkable! *I don't think that is a word but you get my point*

forget to tell you...
Love the title!
I have so much trouble coming up with a title that is only half as good as yours!

Good job! I think, like everyone else who read this, that this was relatable. I personally believe that this has happened to everyone at one point in time. I know I have. Anyways to get the point of this review, I understand what you were trying to do using two ands in one sentence but I feel you could exploit this by adding another one just to make "and dead." seem even more final. It will greatly dramatize the ending and will bring the readers a clearer image in their mind of how hopeless and unfeeling you are. "Everything went silent like the dead." does not sound quite right to me. I would recommend that you put it more like this: "Everything went AS silent as the dead." or "Everything silent like the dead." It just makes more sense to me. Another thing with the ANDs is that you use it so frequently and at the start of the line that it takes what you are trying to say and makes it sound worn down and dull. I would rephrase it and kick the some of the ANDs to kingdom come! As someone has already pointed out, but I would like to just stress on it a little more, "making me twisted." switch it to "twisting me." To continue, "showing me, my nightmares." I am not sure if you are trying to say that it is showing you yourself and then there are nightmares or if it is showing you your nightmares and you just accidentally popped that comma in there, either just clean it up. Another thing; you skip from present to past quite frequently I would gravely advise that you keep the time hopping to a minimum in the future just for the reader's sake to better analyze your writing. Of course I could go on and on but I feel like they have gotten to the major issues. I hope you have taken these suggestions into consideration and I hope you understand that I am only trying to help you and the problems I have found are not that much of a big deal they are kind of just cracks in the sidewalk, it does not make that sidewalk unwalkable! *I don't think that is a word but you get my point*

Well done. This was very interesting to read. Usually I focus on the story elements when I review, but for this one I think I'll stick with the other stuff.
The part where it reads 'Go away' seems a little awkward to me. Try sticking with the italics but get rid of the apostrophes, or visa-versa.
The "Making me twisted." line sounds a little weird. You might try "Twisting me" or something else that sticks with the syllable pattern, if you have one.
That's another thing. Chop out unneeded syllables. In a poem they only hurt you. In this one it was okay, but there were still places you could zap some syllables.
Well, that's all really. I liked this poem, made me shiver. Hope I helped.
~Questio~

I actually put space between some lines in this piece of work but they aren't showing. :/