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138,468 Literary Works • 672,131 Reviews
Hi, MasterGrieves. This is Pinkie here for a last night review. I am very tired so yeah...let's review this.
This song is very silly. It remained me with my older sister in the beach. I laughed at this so it made me kind of not sleepy a little. Well, this is very enjoyable and well-written song. I like it. I like it a lot. Also, I don't get the grunting sounds. What does that supposed to be on this song? I don't know! You tell me about it.
TO THE NITPICKS!!!
You has a lot of grammar errors on here. Well, people did this one so fudge it. I will leave it. -_-
END OF NITPICKS!!!!
Anyway, you did a good job on this one. I like to read more from you. So have a nice sleep.
Good Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
Hello! Scarlet here to review!
I somewhat liked this, but personally I didn't really find it funny.
That's just me though, I'm sure others like it.
Besides that you did a pretty good job.
Though I do have a few nitpicks I'd like to discuss.
NITPICKING TIME!!!!
*grunt*---> I don't really get this part?
*grunt*
*grunt*
*grunt
Give me suncream!---> Was this a misspelling; Sunscreen?
Don't wanna die!
Over exposure!
It gives me creeps!
Something pretty!---> (I felt as if this and the line below it could've been turned into something better.)
Like the sun!
Can give you cancer!
Make your heart stop!
Sit in a shaded area---> I like this and the two lines under it.
Before it gets too hot
Sit in a shaded area
Before your skin turns red red red red red---> I don't really care for this part.
*grunt*---> ????
*grunt*
*grunt*
*grunt*
No need for ignorance!---> These seven lines are my favorite.
It isn't just!
A Greek God!
The sun HAS!
A personal vendetta!
The Earth's not safe!
No way word it better!
The environment's in danger
The environment's in turmoil
The environment's in danger
Everything is gonna turn red red red red red
I can smell danger!
From far away!
I know when something's wrong!
I won't have!
The sun kill me!
I will pretend!
The sun's not there!
The environment's in danger
The environment's in turmoil
The environment's in danger
Everything is gonna turn red
The environment will explode
Momentum must be conserved
The environment will explode
Everything is gonna turn red red red red red
*grunt*
*grunt*
*grunt*
*grunt*
Besides those few nitpicks it's a good poem. On a scale from 1-10 I'd give it a 6 1/2
Great Job!
Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde
Writer, Artist, Student and Reader
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but you just copied everything and made only a few notes about it.
I don't think that you needed to copy the entire message to make those notes. And I think that it's cheating the review system. Just thought I should let you know.
It's fine, I'm not quite sure why I did that either. I need to shorten my reviews they're too long in the first place.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL XD
I'm sorry.
*composes self for review* XD
What is all this about? I don't understand what it adds to the work other than humour. XD I have never seen you use this in your writing before or since. Maybe it wasn't the most successful technique?
This is probably one of the most hyperbolic works of yours that I have read:
I'm glad I found this one: you have gone overkill with the exclamation marks in this one. XD And they are all in the same place!!!!!!! LOL
I would say: quit the repetition where grunting noises are concerned, if you want your works to be credited seriously. And be mindful of other phraseology:
Didn't really make sense when I read it. But there we go.
♥
im still trying to wrap my mind on whether this is a screamer song or a lyrical one, i guess thats open to interpetation haha i love these lyrics because their raw,
i hate cookie cutter songs that are sugar coated
you got staraight to the point and i like that
i can tell that these are true feelings that you feel
and i believe thats what it takes to be a song writer.
please keep writting lyrics i would like to see more material from you!!
Hey Adam! Here to review!
. But still, some interesting ideas there, so well done!
Well, your lyrics never fail to interest me because you're a really good song-writer! Keep it up, I say! So, what I really liked about it was the ideas behind it because they were quite original and thought-provoking. I'm not really sure what you're referencing in the lyrics, but still. It kinda reminds me of bring me the horizon, or a band like that.
Yes, the exclamation marks were extremely overwhelming, but I think that they fit because of the style I think yo're trying to put across. I'm guessing these lyrics are a metaphor for something, and not about actually getting sun burnt
Not really sure what else to say. As for improvements, I guess maybe use some more unusual language to make it more interesting, and not so silly language. Even then, I'm not sure if it would ruin it.
Keep lyricing! (that's totes a word xD)
-Tam
You know this would be an amazing screamer song if you liked heavy metal.