Young Writers Society

This sounds like a pop song if you ask me, but no offense. I like it. Especially the last stanza. The whole concept gave me chills, imagine what would it become when you add music! I know, it's stupid to review only lyrics. I need the whole song to tell whether it's good or decent
I don't have anything else to say. You could be one hell of a songwriter in the future.
Keep writing, I hope I'll read/hear more from you!

~Bard

Hello

These lyrics are really great. They are very interesting, I really wish I could hear them being sung From what I can tell it seems like the structure of the piece will work very well with music

I really like the emotions in these lyrics, and I really like the wording of the piece. My favorite stanza is the first one, I think it is the most beautiful. But I think the whole piece just works very well:)

I especially like the repetition of : " When can I return home". It's filled with emotion, and is very strong. I like that you ended the song with that line too, it really makes a powerful ending

Amazing job, well done.

Just keep writing

Hey Tam. Since your Secret Santa didn't give you any reviews, Santa's elf is here to help.

This is a beautifully written song. I seriously think it has the potentional to be sung and performed. Are you a musician or a singer? One thing to help this story flow better for you is to determine what notes go with what word, what pitch to sing at, etc. Just a suggestion.

I feel the emotion behind the piece. It's strong, and it was beautifully written. I feel the steady flow, the easy repitition of "When can I return home?" It feels like an echo or emphasis on that particular point of the song.

Overall, I really liked this piece. It was a beautiful song to read with lots of potentional and promjse. Promise you'll sing it one day.

Keep on writing!

~ Iggy.

Heya Arc!! You reviewed my work very well, so I owe you one!
First of all I just want to say that this piece has a very good rhythm and I could see that you took a lot of time to make sure that it would be easy to sing. Like what you told me about the fans.
It does seem to be pretty sad, but that's fine and I actually like the darkness that you showed. It has a good feel to it and the theme seems to be pretty constant.
My only problem is that some parts contradict each other, like you say that you want "to die than and there" but then again, you go and say "leave me to die and I'll never be safe".
I agree with Gee that Cos is not a word, but if you write it as " 'cause" then you can see that you shortened it.
I also don't understand how you said " if we could, maybe he'd spit on you". This doesn't make sense because you switch from "we" to "he".
Otherwise I pretty much like everything else you have going her. Good Job!
Does this have music to it? I would really like to hear what style it's in.

Hi Tammeh!

I'm here to review, obviously. Well, actually, I don't really have much to say about these lyrics. However, I find them to be really interesting, but I'm really curious about what kind of music hold these words.

Here are some lame suggestions (cause lame suggestions are still suggestions xD). If I were you, I would write "Cos" as "'Cause". Why? Because "Cos" is not a word, and the more professional you sound, the more seriously they will take you as a writer. Another thing that I found a little bit weird is the "in" on the first line... I'd scratch it out, because somehow, it's confusing, and I figure that "I want to live in that conversation again". However, that's just a suggestion.

And that's pretty much all I've got to say~ Keep writing!

Hello...it appears that you have a nice piece of writing her. I only have a few suggestions. To start, I think that you can write something other than “when can I return home. I feel like it just doesn't fit well. That's just 'my opinion though. You could leave it if you want. Also, Ind suggest maybe using more figurative language and perhaps stronger imagery.