This is a song I wrote in Music last year. Even though I have 'finished it' I'd love feedback on the lyrics, because I want to record it again. If you want to hear it, you can click the link below :}
Verse 1:
It's like you said
You didn't know what you meant
But you started to believe it
Now it's gone
And your life will keep on changing but you
Keep on holding, keep on holding, keep on holding on
Verse 2:
He must confess
That his mind couldn't keep up
With those silly little voices
He's gone home
Yeah you've had to keep on trying
Even though, he never phoned
Chorus:
Lately, you like to stare
Though you're unaware
You said that I don't care
Oh maybe, you just can't see
What is make-believe, or reality
Take me, to this hidden place
'Cause we just can't stay in this
Empty space
Lately, you like to stare
Though you're unaware
You say that I don't care
~Verse 1 repeat~
~Instrumental~
Chorus:
Lately, you like to stare
Though you're unaware
You said that I don't care
Oh maybe, you just can't see
What is make-believe, or reality
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,139 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Fiery Salutations
I am extremely grateful that you have actually included a link to where you sing the song - whenever I write a review for lyrics, I lament (that is an intentional pun on the fact that I am reviewing lyrics, yes) the fact that there is no indication (not even an attempt at one) of what the dynamics, tempo and rhythm, to name a few, should be.
And I must say, actually hearing the music makes a world of difference to one's perspective of the lyrics. For example, though your singing was not too fast, it was nevertheless faster than I would have expected. Not in a bad way though - heavens no! Not everything rhymed, but it is not necessary for it to rhyme in the first place. Also, your voice reminds me of Lily Allen - that means I like it, by the way
Another thing that made your song great was the excellent instrumentation. I especially enjoyed the guitar accompaniment - did you play that yourself, or was someone else playing it? Either way, the vocals, guitar and drums went together nicely.
There was a slight point of confusion though, for when you sang the fourth line of the first verse, you added an and which is not in the lyrics; however, it is nothing really important, but simply a minor inconsistency.
I enjoyed the melody, but the instrumental (as indicated, and not throughout the song) was merely adequate. And the end of your song also came upon the listener quite suddenly; I had expected a ritardando.
The few negative points I have indicated are minor in comparison with the rest of your song, as it does influence the overall impression of the whole work, but not by too much. Would you be as kind as to inform me upon your latest recording's release as soon as you have uploaded it? I quite enjoyed this song, and I'd be very interested to discover what changes you will have made to it.
by Team Silver.
ArcticMonkey, good to see you again! I love the following!
The very first thing I captured was the fact that every line is capitalized at the beginning. Go back and edit this song, putting lowercases where they should be and capitalization where it should be. Thanks for your acquaintance. Byezeez!
Haha, LOL, just kidding. There is more; praise and critique. Add a comma after "Yeah" and take the comma out after "though". And change "you've" to "you", since "you've" just doesn't match the way "you" does.
"Yeah you've had to keep on trying
Even though, he never phoned..."
This is also rather short, in my mind. What songs usually do, is put Verse Three and Four after the chorus, and repeat the chorus after that. Then they add this part which is different from all the others, then go back to this version of the chorus. That's just a minor nitpick, otherwise this song was fine. Keep writing and following/reviewing, ArcticMonkey!
-wisegirl22
I read the lyrics while listening to the song. I have a multilangual collection of songs and most of them use a repeat verse or chorus. I found that the ones I enjoy the most are songs that have musical repeats the the lyrics for each verse are never repeated. Also in the chourse you have a bit of an uneven rythme scheme which isnt bad butin view of the rest of the song it throws off the music a little.
Is there anyway to get this song on my ipod or something?