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Young Writers Society



Quit Trying Now

by ArcticMonkey


Spoiler! :
This is my first song, I have some music to go with it but it's not finished yet. I appreciate all the feedback that I get.
I think the band that inspired this song is the Arctic Monkeys, anyways, enjoy(:




Verse One:
He thought he was a musical genius
His fake charm put a spell on us
She thought she was the prettiest around
But we knew every night that she would break down

I knew them only for what they were
So I had that right to prefer
I didn't think he really loved her
Now everything has just become a blur

Chorus:
So take a look back at the memories
What do they say to you?
What do they say to you?
We know this act will fall to shambles
So quit trying now
I said quit trying now!

Verse 2:
He pleases the girls with his good looks
In all of the crans and the nooks
She has the best voice money can buy
But only one stupid little wise guy

Would know that she's fake
We know he stomach will ache
Cause' she turned down that flake
For that diet she wished she could break

Chorus

Verse 3:
He thought he was a musical genius
His fake charm put a spell on us
She thought she was the prettiest around
But we knew every night she'd break down

And then the stress hits his head
He reveals his true self; a moment to dread
He leaves all of his fan mail unread
"It's all too much, I can't take it" he said

Chorus

Bridge:
They say, "No sir, we've done nothing wrong"
"We just had that urge to belong"
Then I decide to scream and to shout,
"You're nothing but a sell out"

Chorus

Then I decide to scream and shout,
" You're nothing but a sell-out"

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User avatar
384 Reviews

Points: 14918
Reviews: 384

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Tue Apr 12, 2011 5:06 pm
eldEr wrote a review...



Tammypoo! Here as requested (finally)!

As I told you earlier, lyrics aren't really my strong suite, so this might be a bit short and pointless. xD

First off, the song is pretty decent - the lyrics aren't bad, it flows well from what I can tell - it has all of the basics required for a good song.

The only thing I didn't really like about it was that the subject was a bit overused - people hiding their real selves for fame and fortune and the chance to be like everybody else; then it goes on to say that it's foolish (which it is, of course) and then about how they break down in the end from pressure, loneliness and all of that jazz. Granted, there's a bit more to it than that, but that's the basic gist of things. xD

It's not wrong or anything to write a song about an already widely-used topic, but if you're going to attempt it, you need to put a different spin on things. Use different phrases, different scenarios, etc... Something that will give it that unique twist that I love to see so much.

It's a song with potential, but it does need a bit of spiffing up. ;)

(By the way, I'd love to hear this sung/with music.)

Loff!
~~Ishydung




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29 Reviews

Points: 1040
Reviews: 29

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Mon Apr 11, 2011 5:21 pm
dregymayfield wrote a review...



Not a bad first attempt at song writing. However, I strongly recommend you scan through it again because there are a few spelling mistakes. Also, did you intend for this to be double spaced? It's a bit annoying with things are double spaced because it makes the lyric seem really too long and that sometimes throws people off that they don't bother reading what you wrote.





"She doesn't even go here!"
— Damian Leigh