The First Time

I really liked your poem. In your poem I could really feel the emotion that was in it in real life. I also liked you rhyme which which had made the poem flow really easy. I also liked you personification when you said you would brighten up the tree. I really hope to read some more of your beautiful writing. Keep On!!

I wish this was longer because I didn't want it to end so soon. I loved how effectively you communicated the subject of this poem rising out of the ashes to move on to bigger and better things and not let the world keep him down. You have great imagery, and good similes. The only, and I mean only thing I would have to say against it is that some of the lines in the first two stanzas don't quite flow perfectly due to being a syllable too long or too short.
This is the second one of your poems I have read, and both I have liked, which is something because I don't really like poetry all that much(except for Shel Sliverstien).

Hey!

Nice poem you have here! I really liked the flow and the subtle happiness you weaved into it. You did a great job describing how your character is feeling.

In the first stanza you helped gather a slight knowledge of how the character is feeling and created a visual for readers to imagine (at least for me). I especially liked the line " A feeling purely divine" because you used the word "purely " which usually means complete and without regret and just truly good.

The first two lines in the second stanza reinforce the last line of the first stanza because it is describing that you cannot be pure without letting all pains and doubts go. Then, with the last two lines, you let the reader know that the character is trying to start again, which explains why they are letting all the bad things go; to start fresh.

Your last stanza sealed the poem up very well. My favorite line was " Won't fear what's written in the stars" . It is my favorite because it is saying that your character isn't going to worry about the future, but instead, embrace it. The last line sort of put me off a little, or maybe it's just me. The last line just confused me a little because I didn't picture any of the rest of the poem to be about the " first time" and the first time for what?

Your poem was absolutely fantastic and I really liked it! Well done!

Hi there, Anwesha!

I liked the general message of this poem, and I think you have a lot of room to explore in this piece. There were just a couple of things that caught my attention.

Punctuation:
Once you start slipping in punctuation at the ends of lines, you have to be extremely careful about how you do it. You can't just stick a comma at the end of each line and call it good (which you didn't). I don't know much about punctuation in poetry, but I usually see poets follow the normal rules of punctuation for prose. However, you have very few complete sentences. The first and second stanzas, I think, are okay the way it is. I understand why you used semicolons to separate the ideas. In the last stanza, the comma after "tree" should be a period, and the period after "above" should probably be a comma.
I think what might be bothering me is that using so manny semicolons in such a short piece makes it feel a little bit like a list. A semicolon isn't a very common punctuation marking, so when a reader sees one, s/he tends to pause a little more than s/he would with a period or comma. Thus, I felt like I got through two lines, paused, got through two more, paused, got through two more, paused. I hope that makes sense.

Word Choice:
The word "gaily" really stuck out to me. I think that adverb should be an adjective. It really upset the flow for me.

In the first two stanzas, you use some - how do I put this? - older English words that are still in use today, but are more eloquent than typical language....I'm going to stop making a fool of myself with this rambling and get to the point. I mean the words like "gaily," "divine," "forsaking," and "anew." Then in the third stanza, I didn't see any of those, and it sounded a lot more natural. I don't know, that's just my opinion.

Overall, you have a very nice poem here. Keep working on it, and maybe even rewrite it to try saying the same thing in a different way. Who knows? You might come up with a phrase you really like. That's one of my favourite things to do once I have a first draft.
Feel free to completely ignore everything I've said, since I'm not a poet. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, suggestions about this review, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'll be happy to discuss this review or your piece.
Happy writing!
-Sea-