Hello there, Anwesha. In the name of the Knights of the Green Room and our Most Sacred and Tireless Quest to ensure that no works go unreviewed in the realm of the Literary Area, here I have come to free your long unreviewed piece from its state of reviewlessness on this fine Review Day. I hope you don’t mind. :3
Strolled along a garden
I'm really not a fan of the dropped sentence subjects here. It just strikes me as being gimmicky and tacky. You also switch back into the more conventional subject-verb construction later in the poem, which made the lack of subjects in these first three stanzas even more jarring, so I'd recommend not dropping the subjects to begin with.
You also have some rather odd phrasings such as this line:
Oh, I behaved like a stone.
How can someone behave like a stone? And why is there an "oh" at the beginning?
Then I saw what remained blotted till now.
I'm not sure you used "blotted" correctly here.
Overall, the reveal at the end felt a bit rushed. There wasn't really much developed about the garden itself to really make the reveal surprising or meaningful. The focus was more on the narrator than the garden is what it reads like, and it's also why the reveal falls flat since the reveal focuses entirely on the garden.
If you were to keep the garden itself as the center of focus instead of the narrator's actions, then the reveal at the end would be more effective.
Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220
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