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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
In the whole poem you could feel how the character in the poem was feeling. I also liked that you had a rhyme scheme which made the poem flow easily. I could have also told how the role you portrayed in the poem felt and how they help the girl in the poem deal with her pain and sorrow. Terrific!
"She walked up to me
Frail and weak
Looked me in the eye
But refused to speak
Yet, I knew what she said.
She reassured me, she was still there.
The pain in her eyes,
The smile disguised
It all spoke of the agony she endured
Of the deepest wounds never to be cured"
Those first two stanzas were brilliant. It was filled with powerful emotion and told of a bond that even the atrocity that has been implied could not break.
"She walked closer; we embraced.
She wept. Oh! My dismay!
Held herself up, pushed the pain down
Her frail frame was stronger now."
This stanza got a little confusing mainly because it shows her having forgiven the person and completely skipping over her forgiving him(sorry if that's little confusing).
"I stood and marveled-how firm and true!
Fixing the broken pieces,
There she stood-
My ‘Trust’ on you."
This stanza I feel is out of order. It feels odd to me to have "Fixing the broken pieces" before "I stood and marveled-how firm and true!". Maybe if it was her fixing the broken piece and the other person was marveling at that.
You started off fantastic and ended alright. Over all I liked it.
Good afternoon, interesting-name. I am 567ajt, and I am here to review your poem. I was caught by surprise at your title; it seemed that "she" was very important if it is capitalised. So, kudos for that.
Your actual poem is really good. A bit confusing to read in places, but generally up to a very high standard.
This is a really nice stanza, and creates an image of a very stressed out and depressed woman, in need of someone. Great start. I also love the line about how she "refused to speak". This gives the impression that maybe she wants to be alone.
Another great stanza, perfected by your choice of words.
I didn't like this as much as the other ones. I wish when you added "Oh! My dismay!", that you added a speech mark to indicate she is speaking. Unless, of course, the narrator IS describing themselves but that isn't clear from your poem.
Here is where your poem comes full circle and re-arrives at the central theme of isolation and loneliness. This was a great way to end your poem, putting trust is apostrophes to indicate sarcasm, thus the character no longer trusts anyone.
This was awesome. Seriously.
9/10