Young Writers Society

Hey there! I'm here to do a quick review for you! I'm going to take this by each stanza, so I hope you'll bear with me! Alright, with that said, let's get into this!

Far far away but so so close

Traveling here and there to your heart’s content

Pushing your bounds to new distances

Pulling my heart around with you

I may be afraid, but you’ll always be there

To give my soul comfort when it needs it the most

Rescuing my mind from itself

And showing me the way

I love the repetition expressed in your opening line. This really drew me in and made me want to keep reading. When you say "Pushing your bounds to new distances", I was thinking what if you said "heights" in the place of "distances"? I think the line would flow a bit better personally. The line "To give my soul comfort when it needs it the most", is great, but I have a suggestion which could make it better. When you said "needs it the most", I think you can instead just say "needs it most". It would omit "the", keep the intended meaning, and yet flow a bit better in my perspective.

Things come

Things go

But one thing always stays

Your love never leaves my side

Pursuing the light in me

Whilst vanquishing the darkness

Teaching and nurturing, oh so kind

I hope that I never lose such a man as you

Alright, this is actually a great stanza! No comments here.

Years pass slowly under the sun

Fleeting moments grow together

To form something beautiful to watch

As the days grow old, so do you and I

Making the simple things stand out

Pouring me coffee in the morning

Kissing my forehead goodbye for the day

Another great one! However, I can't help but say the third line "To form something beautiful to watch", just seems misplaced. I read this stanza without the line, and it sounded a lot better to me! I recommend removing it. It still works either. Also for the last, "Kissing my forehead goodbye for the day" is a bit wordy. You could keep it as "Kissing my forehead goodbye", or also say "Kissing my forehead goodbye for now". I feel either of those would be a good choice.

The lights are dimming ever so slowly

We can see it coming but do nothing to slow it

Simply press on and live to the fullest

Waiting for each surprise as a new day dawns

The darkness creeps in through the cracks

Time has come to claim yet another victim

Only a small remark on this one. In the line "We can see it coming but do nothing to slow it", I feel would work better as "We can see it coming but we can't slow it". Just a thought!

I am scared but you are here

Comforting me through another day

Until I am no more, I am glad

For I live on in the memories

Each and every person touched by us

Good night my love, I will wait for you

Hmm, a neat ending! I'd recommend omitting "I am glad" in the third line, and adding the word "With" in the beginning of the fifth line.

Alright, well that wraps it up! I enjoyed this, truly. I thought it was exceptionally well done, and I really hope to see more of your work in the future!

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
So, i liked this poem because it was simple and sweet, and had some good imagery sprinkled throughout. The sweet little image of lovers saying goodnight is something most audiences cherish, and which i can relate to, and find rather touching. However, i do have a few suggestions here, mainly regarding word choice.
Let's start with cliches. For the most part, you did a good job avoiding them, and came up with unique imagery. The first four lines were very good. However, the fifth line is a total cliche.

I may be afraid, but you’ll always be there

Ugh. This is seen in many a romantic piece, and has been for a while. Not only is not unique, it doesn't include any new spin or fascinating imagery to hold it up. i suggest changing this line so that it does include for figurative language. Then you will be able to keep the same message, but communicate it in a new and interesting way. The same thing goes for the line

Your love never leaves my side

Mix it up a little! In this case, maybe try saying the same thing, but without the word love. What word or phrase could you use in its place that communicates the same meaning?
The other suggestion i had goes for the fourth stanza, in which i got a little confused. At first it seemed to me that the victim time claimed was the love the characters shared, but after a second read-through it seemed that the victim was in fact the day. As this was confusing, maybe add a little more detail, perhaps another sentence or phrase afterwards to clarify.
Anyways, this was a very sweet simple poem! Just keep an eye out for cliches, and i think it will be very nice.
Thanks for the read!
herbgirl