Looming in the mist
Giants of the past wander
Haunting the present, passing into the future
Glimpses seen from time to time
Images flash before your eyes
Things not said, things not done
Pain and worry; A constant reminder
Holding you to what you’ve done
And never ever letting go
Looming ever closer
Desperately avoiding the colossal feet
The constant struggle wearing you down
Slower and slower the world seems
As the constant weight of fear and pain weigh you down
Then you see it, ever so slowly descending upon you
It’s finally caught up to you: Your past
As you are crushed with painstaking slowness
You have time to ponder what could have been
And then relief comes to your soul
Accepting what you have done
Peace comes upon your weary soul
And now, you may rest
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,747 Literary Works • 672,690 Reviews
Hey AnonymousPerson!
This is a very interesting piece you've written. You've written the complete descriptions and narratives about the past and present with effective deeper meanings.
Content wise, everything seems fine as you're going in depth about how the past is affecting our present and how it's a matter of acceptance that encourages us to move on. This aspect is very clear to me, and I'm sure everyone else could grasp this as well. I appreciate how you describe the past flashing before our eyes every now and then, breaking us down and not making us feel any motivated for tomorrow. This was another highlight.
Grammar and Spelling has been taken good care of. You've ensured that readers grasp your content much easier.
Structure wise, I feel you could have organized the piece into stanzas. Possibly after every fourth line of something, that way you don't intimidate your readers into reading a huge piece of writing.
Coherency is something I appreciate in this piece. You describe your content in chronological order, from how past affects us, to the end where we accept the facts and face today and tomorrow. This was a clear evidence for your writing's consistency.
Literary Devices too are much appreciated. I am able to identify adjectives, metaphors, and personification.
My personal rating for this work is 3.9/5
Keep up the good work
I thought that this poem was awesome. You used great advanced word choice and this really made the poem come alive for me. I would like to see more stuff like this, these poems are defiantly advanced. Never stop writing. Best of luck with future posts.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Every time I see fit to write a review I swear that no one can ever possibly come close to what I've just read, and I'm constantly and happily surprised! This was wonderfully written and as AmandaMarcus says, the emotion that clearly went into this poem is not easy to miss. Critical minded as I normally am, I honestly can't find even a little thing wrong with this
Writers and their work, work like this really make me glad I ever joined YWS so thank you for sharing, and keep it up!
Thanks so much!
I thought that this was great! You used great vocabulary and wove a story perfectly! I could see the emotion behind it without looking through a magnifying glass which, believe it or not, is not that common in even the best of poetry. Keep writing!
Thanks for comment, this really encourages me to keep going.