Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Technology

E - Everyone

Blue Light

by AnonymousPerson


Blue Light


The soft, ever present glow
shining upon my face.
From the wee hours of the morning
to the quiet hours of the night.
A mournful goodbye given once a day,
for the rest needed to sustain life.
-
To prolong our time together,
I remove the blue, leaving only orange.
In that, I cripple your beauty—
leaving you unappealing to my eyes,
and releasing myself from your hold
even sooner, rather than later.
-
The light unto my face,
no matter the size.
From a mere few inches
to well over a foot.
Allows one such as me,
to overcome life as a whole.
-
Anxiety, depression, self consciousness,
and many, many more.
All forgotten when I'm with you,
losing all their power to control me.
Putting instead laughter, joy, love,
and many, many more in their stead. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 124
Reviews: 1

Donate
Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:14 am
thedairist says...



This sums up my late nights. This spoke to me directly, I love your wording so much.
I used to have a roomate and we used stay awake till the early hours talking aout life and everything els. And this boughtb ack so many memories.
Thank you.




Random avatar

Points: 124
Reviews: 1

Donate
Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:13 am
thedairist says...



This sums up my late nights. This spoke to me directly, I love your wording so much.
I used to have a roomate and we used stay awake till the early hours talking aout life and everything els. And this boughtb ack so many memories.
Thank you.




User avatar
114 Reviews


Points: 781
Reviews: 114

Donate
Tue Nov 13, 2018 3:18 pm
Bellarke wrote a review...



Hi, I am B, and I am going to write a review....



First off, I want to say that I liked this, it was quite good.



WHAT YOU COULD HAVE WORKED ON:

The "Blue Light" And the top of the poem was not needed, because you already have the title on the top of the page...



Nitpicks per paragraph:

"The soft, ever present glow
shining upon my face.
From the wee hours of the morning
to the quiet hours of the night.
A mournful goodbye given once a day,
for the rest needed to sustain life."

On the first line, you can get rid of the word 'ever,' because it is not needed. You can keep it if you want to tho, just a suggestion...


That is really all that I see in the first paragraph.
"The light unto my face,
no matter the size.
From a mere few inches
to well over a foot.
Allows one such as me,
to overcome life as a whole."


In this one, I see that there is some older words, I would replace them with some newer words....

I would add more commas into the ends of the lines, so that it flows a little bit easier...

The light unto my face,
no matter the size.
From a mere few inches
to well over a foot.
Allows one such as me,
to overcome life as a whole.
-
Anxiety, depression, self consciousness,
and many, many more.
All forgotten when I'm with you,
losing all their power to control me.
Putting instead laughter, joy, love,
and many, many more in their stead.


I am putting these two together because they are the two that I saw the most problems in....

There are so many commas in a couple of the lines, and you could lower them down, and not put as many....


Your use of words were amazing.....
This was good, keep writing...

~B.




User avatar
159 Reviews


Points: 4304
Reviews: 159

Donate
Tue Nov 13, 2018 3:07 pm
FireSpyGirl wrote a review...



Hi there!
This is a very interesting poem. To me, it is actually kind of realistic. To me, this poem is telling about someone who is sitting at a computer or something, getting lost in a virtual reality, and forgetting about the stress of life for a little bit. This is actually very true, and technology is rather addicting. :). This poem has some depth to it, and I really like that.

I know it's not much, and I'm sorry.
Keep up the amazing writing!





I didn't know beards could do that ;)
— ShadowVyper