You may never comprehend,
How much poetry hurts right now.
Attempting to piece together,
What couldn't be mend.
That face, the smile, the eyes once filled with love,
Absurd how you were once all mine
And now, even myself I couldn't claim.
A short span of love, so utterly intoxicating
For someone who's unlovable seeks to crave of it.
Miserable, how you'd never know
How every poem bleeds for you
Like a romanticised melancholic bow
Of every sorrow recounted and sowed
In the hopes that it would one day bloom
Into something I could claim
to finally be mine.
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138,733 Literary Works • 672,262 Reviews
Hello there, dear mossy fellow who wishes to stay anonymous, toast here to write a review!
First Impressions
This poem almost reads as if love is a source of addiction to the writer. A very dangerous (intoxicating if you will!) one at that. I don't know if the second half missing all the commas that existed in the first part was deliberate or not, but without them, it adds a nice seperation, where it seems that the writer is getting more desperate and desperate as the piece has less time to breathe.
Critiques & Compliments
I love the word choices that were used, as they all convey a very somber and yet poetic vibe.
These two lines really sell the desperate feeling that the writer has, as every piece of poetry the writer struggles to write bleeds (hopefully with ink), and the oxymoron of a romanticized melancholic bow, which adds so much to the picture.
In fact, there's a lot of actions and descriptions that seem to be a paradox.
Piecing together something that can't be mend,
An unlovable person seeking and craving love,
a romanticised melancholic bow,
this really strengthens the emotions that are felt, and I love it very much.
As for critiques, there aren't any. Like I said, it was weird that the first part had commas at the end of every line, but not at the second half of the story. But, if you intentionally distort that into pacing, it gives a second layer of meaning through grammar and punctuation.
All in All
I loved this poem, and I love the ending as well, as it describes a flowery imagery of sorrows being sowed and planted into something new and beautiful, giving another final contrast for the poem.
Have a nice day!
Thankyou so much Toast for reviewing my work!
So basically I suppose the poem is quite self explanatory on itself, but nonetheless you definitely understood tye meaning of it pretty accurately. Other than that the reason behind the lack of punctuations is because I added conjunctions after each line break which sort of (in my head quite possibly) added a flow to the poem. However, I really liked how you took the absence of punctuations as an expression for desperation. Sure, it was not my intention but your theory made me look at my own poem in a different way. Once again, thankyou so much for taking your time to review my poem in brief!! Have a great day!
Hello, let me leave a little review!
Romantic feelings and other emotions relating to them are very common topics for poetry, so you've taken on a classic here. Your writing makes it clear that the narrator has lost or been hurt by someone they love. It sounds like the narrator yearns or bleeds from afar and does not get to actually express their feelings to the subject of their poem. Even though there are evident sentiments of pain, there are also hints that the narrator once held something more tender in its place.
It's great that you have a clear format, with each line separated clearly. Visually, it's organized and clean. Every line also starts with a capital letter, although I noticed the last one does not. For complete consistency, you might change that so they all begin with capital letters.
I see you went for a rhyme with "comprehend" and "mend." It looks like you may have made an oversight, though, because here the correct tense would be "mended." It would remove the rhyme, but correct tense is much more important than rhyme. If you really want the rhyme, you could consider how to reword these few lines to make it work.
I saw a few spots where it looks like you went for a rhyme. If you're trying to do rhyming poetry, I'd strongly suggest establishing a distinct rhyme scheme that stays consistent through the whole piece. That doesn't mean every rhyme has to be the same as the rhyme before it, but it just feels disjointed to have some rhyming lines in random spots among other lines with no rhyme scheme.
I was a bit confused when I got to the line "Like a romanticised melancholic bow." Bow, as in bow-and-arrows? Bow, as in tie-in-a-bow? Bow, as in stringed-instrument-bow? Or bow, like take-a-bow?
I think one of the reasons it confuses me is that it doesn't fit with the imagery in the lines that immediately follow it. It's almost like a mixed metaphor here. On one hand, you're comparing something to a "bow," but then you turn around and make a comparison using imagery of seeds, plants, and flowers. Maybe I missed something?
It's cool that you've embarked on the journey of putting your feelings into poetry! It's an art that takes practice and work, so keep at it, and I hope perhaps you will write a lot of great pieces in your lifetime.
Thankyou Winny for taking your time to review my work! Your interpretation is spot on!
I'll make sure to keep my poem consistent the next time and fix the grammar and rhyming scheme, thankyou for helping me out with that.
Other than that the meaning of bow was supposed to be the second one but I decided to keep it ambiguous so that it could create different interpretations.
Thankyou so much once again for your feedback and I'll try to improve my work the next time, hope you have a great day!