I immediately forsook who I used to be
when I saw those eyes—
lovely, one is afraid to lose their sight,
the only glances that prevailed
amidst a crowd of hundreds.
I was melting into something new,
singing beneath the lights
with people I liked,
for the person I loved.
I was becoming someone brighter
when I saw that smile,
as though the heavens had bestowed
his adorable and gleaming visage
upon the celestial realm.
Thus, I was reborn as someone new,
not into someone else,
but myself,
because that's who he loves,
and that's why he stayed...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,521 Literary Works • 674,838 Reviews
Hey Anonymoss! Excited to review this poem of yours! I'll be using my own Watermelon Method of reviewing today!
. The narrator grows into themselves through this person, rather than someone unrecognizable, but the lingering ellipsis at the end of the poem bring about the question of reliability behind this statement.Skin - Initial Observations
Very seldom do we see titles with punctuation in it! The exclamation point in the title immediately drew me in, as it sets the poem up to be something of high emotion. Especially paired with "good day!" which typically indicates a good-bye of some sort.
Rind - Interpretations
Stanza 1: The first stanza brings a sense of adoration, and perhaps romance, to the meaning of the poem. Eye contact is intimate and special between two individuals, it shows attention and devotion. The narrator seems to have lost themselves in the eyes of someone else, someone whose eyes drew them in near.
Stanza 2: This stanza begins to dance with the idea of a blossomed relationship between narrator and subject. The word "melting" indicates a sense of being molded into something/someone new due to an external source. I interpret this stanza as the narrator being morphed into someone new from this relationship they created with someone else.
Stanza 3: Beginning this stanza with "I was" indicates a change between past and present. This stanza brings a lighter, more positive, tone to the relationship between the narrator and subject. It highlights the love, adoration, and devotion hinted from the first stanza.
Stanza 4: This stanza perfectly closes the poem with confirming that the narrator was changed due to this relationship. But it goes against expectations with the lines
Pulp - The Tastiest Part
The emotions were dictated clear in this poem. The romantic language of using words such as: lovely, prevailed, brighter, singing, heavens, celestial, gleaming
Seeds - Critiques & Suggestions
Perhaps it was just me, but I struggled tying the title to the poem, and understanding if this poem was meant to be a positive one. The ellipsis at the end created an eerie feeling for me. Is the narrator thankful for this? Are they scared? It feels purposeful, but I wasn't quite sure what the purpose was.
I'd love to hear your perspective when choosing to end the poem this way, as well as choosing the title!
Great poem! Have a wonderful day and keep writing <3
Thankyou so much for reviewing my poem!!! And thankyou so much for your kind words. The title was called good day because as the name suggests, despite the darkest times there will always be a good day awaiting us, thus the title (indeed, it's that simplistic of a choice)
You were right with the poem being a little eerie/ uncertain in the end but it doesn't refer to anything pessimistic. Basically while the speaker is glad to outgrow herself, she is unsure l(ike the poem's end) about the certainty of her relationship with the subject and how things would end. Hope it helps!
This is such a beautiful poem. Correct me if I am wrong, but it feels like the mc is finding who she really is in order not to change into someone she is not since the person who she loves loves who she is currently. That the person who she loves helped her change. Which I'm gathering from the lines
I was becoming someone brighter
when I saw that smile,
I think you really capture the feelings of when you notice yourself becoming a different version of yourself when you find someone to love.
Yesss but in an optimistic scenario
Simply incredibly and beautifully romantic!
Losing yourself to become yourself- caused by the walk in of a lover, it's so original and captivating..
Especially loved these lines-
Great work, peak of free verse!
Thankyou so much for reviewingg, it means a lott