z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

I'd Only Wanted A Tissue

by AnarchyWolf


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

I’d only wanted a goddamn tissue.

Not even a tissue - just one of those rough, scratchy industrial paper hand-wipes from above the sink and the mess of soap to dry my cheeks and blow my nose, to wipe away the sticky remnants of my shameful anguish.

It was dark blue outside - almost midnight. I’d assured myself that the bathroom would be empty, like it usually was at such an unholy time in the evening. It’d be quiet, I’d told myself, they'd be recovering from exams. I’d be alone to gather my thoughts and my shattered will under the harshness of the new lights.

Instead, she was there, droopy-eyed and make-up-smudged, clutching a toothbrush and toothpaste. She’d started to greet me cheerily with eyes weighted down by those awful dark circles, the ones that looked just like mine, like big violent bruises blossoming violet across our faces.

She’d whispered, almost hissed, my name. “What’s wrong?

I’d shaken my head and reached for the tissues. I’d avoided her bright, curious eyes as anxiety and shame and everything bad welled up.

“You can tell me. Come on.”

I’d shaken my head again. I must’ve been an absolute sight. Please. Let’s just go. My hand had been on the door when she’d persuaded me with her eyes and the way her eyebrows arched to tell me that this wasn’t a game. It wasn’t a ploy or a plot knitted together by children with too much time - this was something adult and human.

I’d followed her like a disgraced hound to the final shower cubicle of our floor’s beaten-down bathroom, my feet shuffling like I’d been shackled for murder, where we sat and she tried to coax the truth from me. You can trust me, she’d say, over and over like a dictator doing his brainwashing.

And I had wanted to trust her - oh, I wanted to trust her so, so much - but I couldn’t. More tears fell. I couldn’t. Doubt hijacked my conciousness. Those blackened eyes didn’t seem to innocent after all.

She crooned my name again, “what are you so afraid of?”

What was I so afraid of?

I’d started to shudder then, trembles running up and down my whole body. Warm, prickling tears blurred everything. My trust in her was a cowering dog.

I’d told her.

“Oh,” she said my name again, “it’s okay. It’s okay, I promise….”

Her eyes sparkled with Spanish wisdom as she launched into a speech that was bitter, sweet, and too deep for my tired mind all at the same time. People didn’t hate me, she’d said. Her eyes weren’t lying when she added, it’s all about perspective, you know.

Somewhere further down the corridor, a door clicked shut.

God knew why I was this way, she’d insisted, and God had plans for me and lessons for me to learn. Her faith in Him spilled more tears.

I’d nodded, and then replied that I didn’t know why God had fucked me up so much.

She’d smiled, a little sadly, but had continued with her speech.

Warm gratitude and fiery shame - God, why are you like this? Annoying piece of shit. Stop being an attention hog - had coiled in my stomach as she talked. I’ll help you, she’d said. I want to help you, she’d said. She wanted to help me.

“Talk to me,” she’d smiled, eyes reflecting my own wretched image back at me. She got up (“I need to pee. Talk to me while I pee.”), making for the toilets. I’d sat poised like a greyhound about to race for his life, waiting for the start-gun of the lock clicking.

My feet had been as sweaty as my palms, fueled by adrenaline and other darker things. She herd me creeping away.

She’d called my name once, twice, thrice.

“Don’t leave me! No, you can’t leave…”

I’d frozen.

I’d fled. 

I’d fled back to my room like the coward I was.

Thanks for reading! This was just a little thing written way too early in the morning. It's an important part of one of my character's backstories. In case it's not too obvious, it's set in a boarding school.


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277 Reviews


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Tue Dec 13, 2016 2:13 pm
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Charm wrote a review...



Hey AnarchyWolf! I decided to review your short since it's been awhile since I've reviewed something that wasn't poetry. I hope you find my review helpful! I'm going to start with grammar and then I'll go into what I thought of the story.

I’d assured myself that the bathroom would be empty, like it usually was at such an unholy time in the evening.

unnecessary comma
Doubt hijacked my conciousness.

consciousness*
Those blackened eyes didn’t seem to innocent after all.

too*
I’d nodded, and then replied that I didn’t know why God had fucked me up so much.

unnecessary comma
I’d sat poised like a greyhound about to race for his life, waiting for the start-gun of the lock clicking.

start gun*
She herd me creeping away.

heard*
“Oh,” she said my name again, “it’s okay. It’s okay, I promise….”

It's*
Her eyes sparkled with Spanish wisdom as she launched into a speech that was bitter, sweet, and too deep for my tired mind all at the same time.

Spanish wisdom?

I found this story really, really good. Besides grammar issues, there wasn't anything else I found you needed to fix. One of the things I loved about this story is the mystery. I started thinking that the girl was the main character but like her dark thoughts, instead of being an entirely different character. The imagery and beginning to this story was so good. To be honest the entire story was really, really good.

marmalade




AnarchyWolf says...


Sorry for not replying for so long! I've only just seen your review. Thank you so much for the feedback :)



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Mon Dec 12, 2016 3:59 pm
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Megrim wrote a review...



Hi! Here to review as requested.

This was a very emotional piece, and I really felt for the MC and their anxiety and self-doubt. Seems like this is a lot about feeling overwhelmed by personal demons, feeling judged and worthless.

Overall, I found it a tad confusing. I tend to be very straightforward and concrete in my writing, so I don't do well with nebulous, metaphorical type narratives. It seemed like it was all about this haze of emotion, and obvious the MC isn't perceiving the things around them objectively because they're so upset right now, but I kept wondering about specifics. What was happening, what was the exact issue, what prompted each character to be there and to say the things they said, etc.

I think the story doesn't resonate as well with me because I've grown out of that teenage angst stage. I remember feeling all that self-doubt and heartache, but it's dim and dull in my memory. Your target audience is probably younger, who can give you a better sense of how well the impact is hitting.

One technical thing that confused me is why the MC is written in past perfect tense (indicated by the hads - had shaken, had followed, etc), but the girl is in simple past tense (was, instead of had been). I'd say either make the WHOLE story in past perfect, or more simply, do plain old past tense.

Cheers and happy writing!




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Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:28 am
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NarniaQueen wrote a review...



This....THIS is amazing. I love it. Especially the beginning. The beginning is perfect. From the very first sentence you caught my attention. And what followed was incredible. You captured the narrator's anguish perfectly, and I could just see this pale girl with a tear-stained face and shadows under her eyes stumbling into the bathroom to find relief, only to be surprised and disappointed when she laid eyes on the other girl. All in all, I really, really loved it!

Keep up the great work!

Love,
Narnia Queen




AnarchyWolf says...


Thank you for such a kind review :)



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Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:03 am
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captainace44 wrote a review...



I really loved the story, you have a very vivid imagination. Perhaps we could get more description of the characters?

"It'd be quiet, I'd told myself, they'd be recovering from exams and I'd be alone to gather my thoughts and my shattered will under the harshness of the new lights." This sentence feels a bit run on, perhaps restructure/split it up? "I'd told myself it'd be quiet. They'd be recovering from exams, so I'd be alone to gather my thoughts; and my shattered will under the harshness of new light." "Please. Let's just go." Possibly "Please, let's just go."

I would love to hear more added on to this story. You wrote this very well, very easy to follow. Thank you so much for sharing!




AnarchyWolf says...


You're welcome :) I'm glad you like it. I agree that as a stand-alone piece it needs more description, but I'm hoping for it to be a flash-back-kind-of-thing in the novel, so the reader would already have an image of the characters here in their mind. Probably should've made that more clear, haha.

Thank you for reviewing!



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Thu Dec 08, 2016 11:50 am
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Snoops wrote a review...



Hey Hey!

How are you? Ready for a review?

Overall thoughts: This is great. You can feel the anguish in his/her voice and I am eager to know what happened. Will you tell us?


Are you in boarding school? (I'm going next year so I would love to chat to you about it)

Maybe you could describe the girl she's talking to? hair? eyes? nose? just a little more description.


I’d only wanted a goddamn tissue.

"Not even a tissue - just one of those rough, scratchy industrial paper hand-wipes from above the sink and the mess of soap to dry my cheeks and blow my nose, to wipe away the sticky remnants of my shameful anguish." You started this chapter PERFECTLY. It's strong and funny, and everyone know's the sand paper school gives us. That stuff really is awful.

So God is a big part of her speech? Since this is a boarding school I am assuming a Christian Boarding school? Where? (You don't have to mention it in this chapter, but THIS shows I'm curious about the story)

Anyway, great story! Good Job! Please tell me if you post something else with this.

Love,
Lau.




AnarchyWolf says...


Thank you so much for the interest and the great review.

I am indeed in boarding school (this is my 4th year here) and I'd be more than happy to talk to you about it :)
(boarding school is great)

God is quite a big part of this character's life and arc in the main story (as well as Her speech). It's modeled after my boarding school, so yeah it's Christian officially, but most people are fairly chilled and agnostic. I'd like to this this school is either in England, like mine, or up North in Canada.

Your kind words mean so much to me - so, thanks!



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Thu Dec 08, 2016 7:33 am
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Burrow wrote a review...



I have to say I really enjoyed reading that and for something you say was written early in the morning it was amazing. I dont know I just enjoyed reading it and it flowed well and it kept your attention and you actually wanted to know more about why the character was like this and who the other character was and why was the girl/boy so eager to leave, ahhhh I want to read more, please tell me when you write some more, and I will keep a eye out for it.

Keep up the good job :)

Burrow




AnarchyWolf says...


Thank youuuuuuu :)




This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
— Winston Churchill