This is Nikayla here for a review!
A poem made out of tercets. Interesting. Nonetheless, let's jump right into the review of the poem! The first stanza strikes me as you intended it to be with the romantic feel it has throughout it. I think my main problem with it as well as the rest of the poem because it's mostly the same for the rest of it as well, is that it's very general and broad. It doesn't hone in on this love and you give us the most generic and basic thing possible. Romance poetry is often something that's difficult to write due to originality, though you don't need to be original to put your own personal twist on something.
Instead of flooding the poem with lines that anyone could write (which is what the poem feels like at points) make it more personal to you. Something that I did like about the poem and something that I did think had potential is the imagery that you use, and I was wanting more from it. Stanzas two through five are the strongest ones in the poem because of this--because they follow a common line of imagery and build on each other.
If you scrapped the rest of the stanzas other than two through five, keeping in mind what you had before but inserting it in the ocean or seashore imagery you already have going, I think it would make for a stronger poem than it is at this point. The structure is a little odd, having the second line longer than the first and third in a stanza, but it works. I suggest playing around with it a little more for fun, but really what I want to see is the poem narrowed down and honed in on the ocean/seashore/gills imagery you already happened to establish.
I hope I helped and have a great day!
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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