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Young Writers Society



YWS Highwind

by Alteran


I think i have been the victim of the PEM. I posted this last night but i see it has since vanished. Anywho, enjoy!

Adam clicked off the communications with the Gryphon. “Staring Activate the Forum Jump and catch up with them.”

“Right,” Staring Clicked a few buttons and the Highwind zipped into space faster than light. “The Pirates are almost in range.”

“Good,” Adam prepared the ship for manual drive. He couldn’t allow the pirates to get back to the YWS galaxy. It’s bad enough trying to relocate people with the Spammian Empire attacking every planet in the galaxy but now we have to worry about our own people attacking us.

“Were right on top of them!”

“Skell, Target the ship with the turrets. All fighters prepare for launch.” Adam activated manual control. It allowed him to bypass all the computers safety protocols. He maneuvered the Highwind closer and closer to the Pirate vessel. The two ship’s shields collided, dropping both ships out of Forum Jump. “All fighters launch! Skell open fire!”

Six little fighters shot out of the hanger ay as the turrets unleashed a rain of energy onto the pirate ship. Laser cannons shot at the Highwind but her shields were to strong. The fighters sent a flurry of torpedoes into the side of the pirate vessel.

“Skell stop firing, All fighters can return to the ship.” Adam lined up the shot. Two beams of Omega Energy shot from the Highwind and destroyed the pirate’s engines. “A YWS police force ship will be by to arrest you shortly,” Adam said to the pirates. They might try to escape in some of the pods but they would never be able to get far enough away.

“That was easy,” said Skell. The best tactical officer around and he was on The Highwind In fact most of the crew were the best in their fields. Staring was an amazing Navigator. She could find a planet even if it wasn’t on the map.

“Plotting course for the TW home world,” said Staring. “Everyone is on board.” The elevator Doors opened with a whir from the gears and Mattster, Bubbles, and Bella came onto the bridge. Matt sat in one chair next to Adam and Bubbles in another. Bella took the Sensor controls.

“Sensors indicate a Pensword class vessel heading towards the pirates,” said Bella.

“Good.” Adam clicked a few buttons on his controls. “Where are Rick and Alice?”

“Checking the Armory,” said Matt.

“Ugh, Computer activate security protocol 256”

“Activated,” Said a cold clean female voice.

“Adam!” chimed Alice through the comm., “What the heck are ya doing!”

“Keeping you out of the Armory.”

“Oh fine!” the sound of her stomping feet echoed through the comm.

“Can’t take to many chances. They can blow up anything. On purpose or on accident.”

The Highwind sped through the gap between the two galaxies. It was odd not to the stars, but giant dust cloud. An infinite number of galaxies and only a portion of them could be seen.

“We’ll be entering the TW galaxy soon,” said Staring.

Adam yawned, “I’m going to catch a few hours of sleep. You guys can rest up too. Diplomatic missions can be long.” He went into the back were his room was. Everyone else had rooms on the lower decks. But the captain needed to be near the bridge at all times.

The Highwind sailed on into a new galaxy, the TW Galaxy.


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192 Reviews


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Reviews: 192

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Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:06 am
Aet Lindling wrote a review...



"Staring Clicked a few buttons and the Highwind zipped into space faster than light."

You mean "clicked". Also, you may want to replace this with "tapped" because of this: "Adam clicked off the communications".


"“Were right on top of them!”"

You mean "We're".


"“Skell stop firing, All fighters can return to the ship.”"

Should be "Skell, stop firing, all fighters can return to the ship."


"“Oh fine!” the sound of her stomping feet echoed through the comm."

Capitalize "The". Since "the sound of her stomping feet" isn't the object talking, it should be capitalized as a new sentence.


"“Ugh, Computer activate security protocol 256”
“Activated,” Said a cold clean female voice."

Don't capitalize "said" and maybe "computer" too, it depends. I think with computer the problem is you meant to make a new sentence, so replace the comma with a period. Also, put a comma between computer and activate.


"“Adam!” chimed Alice through the comm., “What the heck are ya doing!”"

"comm." should be communicator. If it must be comm, don't have the period.


"“Oh fine!” the sound of her stomping feet echoed through the comm."

Same here.


This be for Critique the Person Above You. :) It's good, but you need to work on grammar and such. Bye now. And also, if you're reading this, someone, post in Critique The Person Above You! It's an awesome thread that needs more attention. post254041.html




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Fri Oct 12, 2007 10:24 pm
Teague wrote a review...



Haha, that was cute. I'm assuming that TW Galaxy is Teenage Writers? And Staring is Staring_at_Ceiling, now known as Lindsaroo? Just curious.

A few grammatical errors:

“Staring, [s]A[/s]activate the Forum Jump and catch up with them.”


“Right,” Staring [s]C[/s]clicked a few buttons and the [i]Highwind[i] zipped into space faster than light. “The Pirates are almost in range.”

And several errors like that.

“We're right on top of them!”


“Ugh, Computer, activate security protocol 256.


So the biggest flaw to me is that it's kind of rushed, although I'm not sure of what you want to do with this. It's just a whimsical fanfiction, after all. ;)

-St. Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate :pirate3:




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Sun Sep 09, 2007 1:22 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



Hi Adam! You have a nice fanfic here and it makes for an interesting read, especially if you know the characters involved. Just thought I'd point out your typos and such...

The two ship’s [Should be ships' seenas it's plural.] shields collided, dropping both ships out of Forum Jump.

Six little fighters shot out of the hanger bay as the turrets unleashed a rain of energy onto the pirate ship.

Laser cannons shot at the Highwind but her shields were too strong.

Two beams of Omega Energy shot from the Highwind and destroyed the [s]pirate’s[/s] pirates' engines.

They might try to escape in some of the pods but they would never be able to get far enough away. [This is a little awkward.Perhaps change it to present and put it in italics as a thought.]

“Ugh, Computer activate security protocol 256”
“Activated,” Said a cold clean female voice. [Should be a line between the two pieces of dialogue.]

“Can’t take too many chances.

It was odd not to the stars, but giant dust cloud. [This doesn't really make sense.]

He went into the back where his room was.





What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
— Albert Pines