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16+ Mature Content

chemistry reactions

by APoltergeist


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

chemistry reactions


i. synthesis.
my heart, your head --> meandyou
together, forever
tangled limbs
and bleeding lips.
(said kiss me harder,
you obliged all too happily.)

ii. decomposition.
meandyou --> me and you, you and me
but i lie in a grave of my own making,
while you watch, sending crumbles of dirt
to cover my body, to smother my mouth.
(no air needed, but my lips still bleed
crimson lipstick, sticky to cracked skin.)

iii. single-replacement.
youandme + Him --> youandHim + me
you've moved on,
and i can't say it doesn't hurt,
smeared with dirt, dripping carmine
on white carpet. watching you
choose Him, and leave me
in the dust.
(just another thing to cover me
from the Sun's prying light.)

iv. double-replacement.
youandHim + meandtheSun --> youandme + HimandtheSun
you came crawling back,
all ruby lips and flashing eyes,
mudstained face and scarred thighs.
you told me to hold you,
and oh how happily i obliged.
(healing the scars while i still can,
nevermind the fact you would leave me again)

v. combustion.
youandme + HimandtheSun --> nothing, anymore.
drift apart like wisps of smoke
under a gentle huff of breath,
wreathing around our heads
before whisking away, into the unknown.
(take a drag, let the world fade away
until all that is left, is a little smoke.)


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17 Reviews

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Reviews: 17

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Sun Jun 09, 2024 2:32 pm
NoOneInParticular wrote a review...



Heyo! This is a rather old work, so I hope you don’t mind me leaving a quick review! I’ll be trying a slightly different review style today.

First Impressions

The idea of using chemical reactions as titles is honestly pretty interesting. The way you section up the poem into the different types feels like watching moments in the speaker’s life, short yet impactful. I like how it’s connected into one fluid story, it flows really well.

i. synthesis

And the set-up of a romance between the two! Wist already has gave a wonderful review going more in depth, so I’ll try not to repeat what was said.

The imagery was brief yet descriptive, particularly

tangled limbs
and bleeding lips.


With these few words you tell only what’s needed while letting the reader’s mind fill in the gaps, and describe just how much…passion was in their relationship. The phrase “bleeding lips” is interesting, as it hints at the romance actually hurting the speaker, and serves as a bit of foreshadowing too?

ii. decomposition

But we all know what’s bound to happen. The first line says it all - the speaker is now alone. The imagery is beautiful as well, and I can just imagine “you” standing at the side, sprinkling dirt and rubbing in the pain.

but i lie in a grave of my own making


Oof. It seems the speaker knew this was going to happen, but chose to stay in denial until they were eventually dumped.

iii. single-replacement

And the speaker has been replaced with a new boyfriend. Ouch. “dripping carmine on white carpet” creates a nice contrast between the pure-white carpte and the carmine (i.e. red) blood. It might just me be reading too much into it, but it also feels like a metaphor for how the speaker was “stained”.

“Him” is written with a capital H, though, which might indicate their former-lover’s reverence for the new partner, or it could just be a stand-in for a name. Only the poet knows, I suppose. (Hey look a rhyme assonance!)

iv. double-replacement

And they’re back together again, this can’t end well. The imagery is still great as ever, with

you came crawling back,
all ruby lips and flashing eyes,
mudstained face and scarred thighs.


painting a picture in my mind, and also the (not-so) subtle implications that his lover was…busy, in that relationship, and perhaps it did not end well (referring to “scarred thighs).

I also like how you reference the previous stanza’s line on “the Sun’s prying light” at the start, which sort of gives the idea that “He” was left out in the open, in a sense?

v. combustion.

And everything explodes and they all die in a giant fireball. The end. Jokes aside, like Wist said, it felt a little anti-climatic, although the imagery was amazing as usual.

youandme + HimandtheSun --> nothing, anymore.


I do have a minor complaint, and that is the way the chemical equation was written. Usually combustions have have products left over, even if it’s just ashes and gas (or smoke, staying in line with the theme), so to have nothing left over is a bit weird.

(take a drag, let the world fade away
until all that is left, is a little smoke.)


Is that a smoking reference I see? This poem is really not afraid to get into the heavy stuff, huh?

Overall Thoughts

A beautifullly-written poem with vivid imagery showcasing the chnages in the speaker’s relationship with their lover. Keep writing, and remember to tkae breaks when needed! Have a nice day/night/somehow it’s sunset or sunrise and you just don’t know?

I’ll stop now.

Cheers,
Horizon




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46 Reviews

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Reviews: 46

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Wed Jun 05, 2024 5:20 am
WeepingWisteria wrote a review...



Hey, Pol! This is Wist here to review this lovely poem.

This is the first time I've ever given you a review, and I'm glad it was this one! Your poem here is deeply emotional, with strong imagery and a fascinating premise I haven't seen before. With that said, let's get into the details of the review.

synthesis
Synthesis acts as a great introduction to your poem, immediately setting up what appears to be a passionate romance with the "bleeding lips" line. It also serves the vital purpose of introducing the readers to your chemistry equation lines, which serve an essential function in the poem. It's a reasonably simple equation that allows the audience to follow along and understand what you are portraying. Overall, well done!

decompostion
This stanza is where the emotional weight of the poem sets in. And you do not pull any punches.

...but my lips still bleed/crimson lipstick...

This line twists the knife of a heartbreaking premise due to the callback to the passionate lip bleeding. It shows how much this dynamic has changed.

single-replacement
The heartbreak continues! Overall, this is a good continuation of the tragedy, adding a third person to act as a rival. I love the continuation of the bleeding lips becoming a bit more subtle, forcing the audience to learn the word carmine to see the progression. I love it when poets aren't afraid to use more complex words to continue their narrative. However, I do have one thing that confuses me about this stanza.
(just another thing to cover me/from the Sun's prying light.)

These two lines confuse me because it's unclear what is "covering" the speaker. Is it the dirt and blood? If so, separating this act of covering from the dirt and blood with three lines dilutes the connection. If it's not, then there needs to be an addition to make what is doing the covering obvious.

double-replacement
This stanza has a seemingly delightful twist: Our speaker gets their lover back. We celebrate for the first few lines, thinking everything will be happy again. However, you do an excellent job of building up dread and crushing our hopes with the last line, reminding us that those who come crawling back usually aren't there to stay. You did an excellent job of giving us light at the end of the tunnel and then revealing it was a train. Good job!

combustion
This stanza is incredible on its own. The imagery and flow are tight, and the melancholy is so intense it's practically tangible. However, I will say that as impressive as it is, it feels out of place as the ending. At the end of double-replacement, you mentioned that the "you" of this poem was leaving the speaker again. But combustion doesn't address how or what happens to the speaker, You, and Him. Everything fades away. Did the characters die? Did the speaker die after being left again? It doesn't feel like a proper resolution because none of your built tension pays off. As I said, this stanza is well-written; it just doesn't serve as a neat ending to this fantastic story you have. Maybe there's something I'm missing. If so, please share. Maybe telling me your intentions with this ending will make it more transparent if there's something I didn't consider.

Overall, this was a fantastic poem. Your story is easy to follow and deeply poignant. It only needs a couple of tweaks to be truly awe-inspiring. Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading.

Happy Writing!
Wist




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Reviews: 6

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Wed May 08, 2024 4:09 am
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Semicolon says...



Hi! I'm late but-
*gasp* This poem is SO GOOD!?
I remember how nerve-racking it felt when I had to memorize all these reactions and identify which one was which and you made a poem out of it!?
This was the best thing I read today!
I loved synthesis and combustion; I actually loved the entire concept of showing chemistry between 2 people through chemistry.
I LOVED THIS SO MUCH (I hate and suck at chemistry tho)

P.S. I too turned an entire botany chapter into a poem because I couldn't memorize anything. It helps, doesn't it? xD




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Thu May 02, 2024 2:14 am
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Avian says...



sigh the fact that I'm learning about the types of reactions in my chemistry class rn. (love the poem though. I love all your poems. Knowing the different reactions and equations for the reactions just makes this poem *chef's kiss*)




APoltergeist says...


i loved learning the reactions, we got to do silly little labs for them so it was really fun for an otherwise boring class
(ahh, tyy! <3 all your poetry and writing is enviable, it's soo good!! <333)



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Thu May 02, 2024 1:37 am
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Spearmint says...



chemical reactions and equations!! :0 aiofnhawoiefh i love this so much XD
(combustion is my fav stanza >.> it captures the evanescence of smoke and relationships so well)




APoltergeist says...


Asdfghj, thank you!! I hate chemistry so much, I made a poem out of it xD
we learned this awhile ago and it's given me brainrot ever since, so yay, poetry!! (combustion was a fun stanza to write <3 i liked the synthesis one or the double-replacement the best I think, they're funky)

now to do stoichiometry, maybe i'll finally understand it ^^"



Spearmint says...


LOL well, writing poetry on stuff you cover in class is a fun way to learn =P
yessssss i wish you the best!! (i have forgotten most of what i learned in chem XD)



APoltergeist says...


chem is the bane of my existence, the class is so frustrating but the poetry helps




If you want something badly, you just gotta believe it's gonna work out.
— Andy, Parks & Rec