And just like that, the demon that I was thinking of was standing right there. John looked at it. “Lance, you just accidentily summoned a circle 3 demon. But your circle turned black… which means that it is captured, and you just have to name it now for it to be in your service until your death.
I looked at the demon. “Can I call you Staff?” I asked. You may. It replied in a grating voice. I jumped back. “It can speak in my mind?” sort of like my familiar, Shadow, but he sounded…nicer. I thought. John smiled at the class. Well now class, now that we have all summoned a demon, tell it to pick up your pencil. Pick up my pencil I thought at it. As you wish, master. It picked up the pencil.
I could get used to this. “all right class, times up tell your demon to return.” Return now. I sent to the demon. John sent us off to our next class.
I then went to my familiar class. The teacher was a tall, fat lady with blue eyes, and blond hair. I walked in and sat down in a seat near the front, to hear as much as possible. When everybody got here, she gave her welcome speech. “Welcome to Familiars and understanding them, class. My name is Mrs.Lawrence, and I will be your teacher.”
“Now you summon your familiar by sending a call to help to the upper circles of creatures. Now this is not summoning, class. Summoning summons familiars from the bottom circles, the place where all evil stems.
There are only 5 upper circles, unlike the circles of hell, which have 10. In the first circle we have the minor helpers to angels like doves, foxes and spirits. In the second circle, which is the most common one to get familiars out of, we have the light shadows, minor angels, and some winged serpents, which are holy serpents, not the dark ones you find in the 6th circle. In the third ring, where the more powerful familiars are, there are hypogriffs, minor dragons, and seraphs.
My familiar is a minor hypogriff, it is in the middle between the second and third ring. None of you will get above the second ring, you are all too weak.” This lady seems like a complete jerk. I don’t like her at all. I wonder why she hasn’t mentioned shadow yet… I wonder if he’s a minor dragon?... I thought. She continued. In the fourth ring, you will find very powful familiars like angels, high seraphs, and dead mages.
But, in the fifth ring, there are only evolved familiars. Most of These familiars evolved from one of the previous ones. For example, there are arch-angels, which evolved from normal angels. There are also natural familiars there such as, the golden dragons, the mimics, and Guardians.” “Now” she said, “all of you must remember, you can only have one familiar. The second you summon another one, you loose your first one. Now all with me, draw a square in the air by holding a fireball spell in your hand.” “Wait!” I yelled. “What is it Lance?” “I already have a familiar!” she laughed. “Well he is no strong, so you are getting a new one.” “no way!” I yelled. “I bet Shadow can beat your hippogriff in a fight!”
Immediately I realized what I had done. I paled. She laughed. “All right then lance. Lets see your weak familiar beat my hippogriff” she drew a square in the air and summoned a small cat like thing, but it had the head of a hawk and it looked like its tail was a snake. Im so screwed. “Shadow! Come to me!” there was a flash of light and Shadow appeared. He was longer than before, now a full 6 feet. He looked around. These humans are pathetic. Other than that healer over in the corner. He thought at me. I looked where he indicated, and saw bakar. He smiled and waved. I waved back. I looked back at Shadow. im sorry, I got you involved in this, I challenged my teacher saying you could beat her familiar. I thought to him. Kekekeke he thought to me. No problem. Just sit back and watch. Shadow walked up to her familiar and looked it in the eye. Mrs.Lawrence looked at Shadow and sputtered. “A…a…a golden dragon?”
But she couldn’t back down now, that would stain her honor forever. So she sent out her hippogriff. They looked eachother in the eye. Then Shadow flashed forward, and just like that the fight was over. His claw was at its throat, and it was paralyzed.
Mrs.Lawrence looked outraged, but managed to force out, “I surrender Lance. Class dismissed.”
Shadow jumped up on my shoulder. That was easy. Why are you so respectfull to her? He thought at me. Well, I replied, she is my teacher, and if I want to stay in school I have to be nice to her. He looked at me. Well, ill be going now, call me when you need me. He disappeared in a flash of light. Bakar walked up to me as I exited the door of the classroom. He chuckled. “Well, you showed Mrs. Lawrence what for.” “I didn’t know you had such a strong familiar. I have a winged serpent. And I thought I had it good.” He laughed. “Well, I’ll see you at Monster information.”
I headed through the packed hallways to Dark magic and elements class. I sat down in a seat near the front and waited for the rest of the class to get here. When the rest of the class finally got here, the teacher, like all the others started with an opening speech. “My name is Mr. Leonardo. You will refer to me as none other.” Now, reach above you. Is there anything there?” He looked at a pudgy boy near me. “Marcus, what do you think? Is there something above you?” Marcus looked nervous. He looked up and since nothing appeared to be there, said “N...No sir.”
“False!” Came the booming roar from Mr. Leonardo. “There is something all around you. The Energy. It is all around you wherever you are.” In this class, I will show you how to harness and use this energy. Weather for Dark magic, or elemental, and also for storage.
Now the first thing you will need is an Energybook. This is not the spellbook you got from Elements. The Energybook is a book that records everything you learn.” He reached into the air and pulled out a dark black book. “This is my energy book. It is all black because all I can use is dark magic. If you can use fire and dark, you will have a mix of black and red.”
“Now to get the Energybook, you must picture a huge lake of energy just floating all around you. Then, you must reach out with your hand, and feel your book. Then grab it and pull it out of the lake.” “Now try it. Go!” I thought about it for a moment. I pictured the huge lake that was near where my parents live. I put my hand forward.
I groped around in the air. Then I felt something. I moved my hand back and felt a thin, and hard item. Definitely not a book. I grabbed it and pulled it out. I was holding a shiny laptop colored like a rainbow with some black around it. I looked around and saw that I was the only one that got a laptop. Mr.Leonardo came up to me. “Young man, I said take out your Energybook, not a tablet. Now class, your Energybooks are indestructible. Look.” He took his book, tossed it in the air and hit it with a blood red bolt. The air crackled, but the book was undamaged. “Now look what happens to a normal substance, one not made from energy.” He grabbed my laptop and threw it in the air. Then he sent another red bolt at it.
The bolt hit my cool, new laptop. And it stopped. And suddenly, the laptop started shaking. My teacher looked worried, but smug because he got my laptop. Then suddenly, my laptop broke apart into fragments. But the bolt stayed in the same spot, instead of dispelling. Then the fragments changed into legs, a chest, arms and soon it was a robot about as tall as I was.
Its hollow eyes lit up with yellow flame. “Attack sequence 1, return fire.” It opened its massive mouth and bit down on the bolt. We all sat there watching the robot. Then it opened its mouth. A beam of pure red light shot out and hit Mr. Leonardo. He flew backwards and disappeared. He poofed into existence behind my laptop/evil robot of doom. He shot it with a black bolt. The robots head turned around and ate that too. It then shot out a black beam of light and vaporized a desk and the class pet.
“Stop! Stop!” I yelled. I tackled my laptop/robot. Or at least I tried to. I jumped at it and ran into a rock hard wall. It looked at me. “Commander has requested stop sequence. Returning to memory mode. The robot blew into a million particles and reassembled into my shiny laptop.
I looked to Mr. Leonardo. “Class, that is what happens when you attack a level 2 Energybook” Mr. Leonardo said. “A level two Energybook looks like anything you want it to, and when it or its owner is attacked, it will fight with them. You level up your Energybook by putting lots of spells in it.” Mr. Leonardo looked completely unfazed by the fact that my robot just trashed his classroom. He looked at me. “Now, here is my question. Lance, how did you get a level 2 Energybook when you don’t even know 5 spells?”
Everyone’s eyes bored into me. “I don’t know! I have no clue whats going on here!” I screeched, exasperated. Mr. Leonardo shrugged. “Very well.” “Now class, your Energy books are not the only things you can store in your lake. Anything you are holding can be dropped in. pick up your energy book and imagine your lake of energy under it. Now drop it.” I lifted my sleek new laptop and promised myself to take a closer look at it later. Then I dropped it.
I watched as it disappeared. Just for fun, I picked up the pencil on my desk and did the same. Mr. Leonardo screeched. “Lance! You will not steal from the school! Put that back now!” I jumped. It was just an experiment. I put it back. The rest of class was just Mr. Leonardo showing us how to drop anything into the lake.
A little while later, I headed to Monster information class. I took the seat next to Bakar, who was already there. The look on my face must have said it all. “What happened in Dark class”? He asked. I laughed. “I’ll tell you in the dorm today. We chatted while we waited for the rest of the class to arrive. When they all arrived, a massive bug came into the room. Without thinking, I reached up and grabbed my laptop. The bug looked at me. “Mr. Lance, there will be no need for your Energybook. I am your teacher for this class.
After a long embarrassing moment, I returned my Energybook. “Hello class, my name is Kennedy. I know I look like a monster, which I am, by the way, but not all monsters are your enemies. In fact, you will find many monsters that are just like you, hating their evil cousins. Now there are several different types of monsters…Dragons, Humanoids, Bugs, Birds, Myth, Heavenly, and Earthly. Now each of these monsters have special weaknesses. This class will teach you to recognize them and exploit them. Now look to my left. There is a table full of weak enchanted weapons for you. Go choose which one you like best.”
The entire class charged to the table, but luckily, Bakar and I were near the front, so we got there first. I looked over the weapons quickly. My eyes settled on a 4 foot stick with a gem on the top. I grabbed it and looked over to Bakar. He chose a short staff, with a sharp spiked ball on the end.
We went back to our seats and waited while the rest of the class got weapons. We looked at Kennedy. When everybody got their weapons, he suddenly slit up into about 30 different duplicates of him, one for each of us. One of them approached me while the rest went to various students. “Lance, you chose the ruby staff. It has the ability to grow a physical manifestation of fire on it and become a whip. It is not very powerfull now, but in later classes you will be taught how to enhance it. I was delighted. I had a real magic item, that actually looked like it was magic!
In a dark cave, not to far from where Lance was, a hunched form was looking into a pool of water “Yes, of course master, I will do as you command. The school will be no more and nobody will be left to oppose us from taking the magic world for ourselves!”
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Okay, so I'm back
barefootrunner here to review again!

Spelling and grammar:
Not much more to say, still check out your dialogue and watch the capitalisation.
Logic:
Sometimes you describe action scenes so fast that readers don't get to see them! Make sure to take your time over details so that readers can get up close and personal with every aspect of your work.
Language is much the same as ever.
Plot:
It has slowed down now. We already know the character is powerful. We already know he has a lot of cool stuff. But now he is just getting more. Try to keep the stuff he has and develop his relationship with them. At break, let him sit with his friends and chat. Teach his dragon stuff and improve, not just heap new stuff on the fire. You do of course have the last dramatic quote, which could have been less melodramatic and more to the point. But it keeps it going.
Characters:
Not much development *sulk*. We know your character is strong and cool, but we don't know anything else about him; he is entirely flat. You are also running the risk of him just becoming the instrument of showing your readers adventures and not a living, feeling human being. Give him problems and tribulations. Give him psychology. Give him real flair.
Overall, well done and keep going! If you drop this story, I'll bite your bottom
barefootrunner
Hello. Do be warned, I haven't read the previous chapters. Therefore, I will be focusing more on the technical aspects of writing, along with some characterization.
The first thing I noticed was inconsistent capitalization. You often don't start dialogue with capitals (which you should), you don't always capitalize proper names, and your grammar is a bit of a mess.
I know it can get exciting writing a story, but if you want anybody to take your work seriously you have to pay more attention to it. Before putting it on YWS, proofread for these things. Reading backwards can be a very useful trick because you don't get caught up in the sentence and instead actually look at the word itself, so you are far less likely to skip over a word you should have corrected.
As for the story itself, right now you're using classes as an excuse to infodump about all the concepts of your world. This is very boring to read. Worldbuilding information is very rarely needed in the story, and can often be cut without the story suffering at all. If you could cut through all of his classes and you don't lose anything for the story, then the information is unneeded and is there just because.
Cut out all the "there just because" information and instead focus on actually creating a plot for the story. Giving us information is not a plot. Characters working towards a goal is a plot. No goal or too long without working on the goal= no plot. (I don't doubt your character has a goal. It's just a case I don't see why we need to know all this information immediately in order for the story to make sense and continue)
Now, there was one scene I read where the class was somewhat important. The Familiars fight. This fight, however, raised a red flag to me. He summoned a golden dragon without training, from what I assume is raw power. This screams Chosen One and Gary Stu. A hallmark of Gary Stus is they get the best of everything just cause they're that awesome.
If you are going to make a Chosen One fic, have some reason behind it past "because destiny said so" (or any other gods of that world said so). Chosen Ones can get insufferable really fast because opponents just seem to fall in the face of them, like the teacher did, and there's no real reason for it. By all means, keep that reason under lock and key till late in the story, but be sure there is a reason.
Also, make sure to give them challenges. Balance them out as normal characters. That reason for being the Chosen One helps this out, because you can't have the powers at be give him more strength exactly when he needs it because they want him to win. He has a reason to be The One, and this reason has certain logical limits. He isn't built around his Chosen One status, but instead is a well rounded character who isn't sure what's so special about him but he'll keep going anyway because there's a job to do.
Overall, I find you are giving too much unneeded information and setting up the MC as a special snowflake that is the MC because he's just that good. These heros are what give fantasy a bad name as being full of bad writing.
Clean up the source of his power and cut the unneeded stuff and this'll be a lot better already. You might have to rework any challenges he faces, but your story will be much better as a result.
Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions or comments.
~Rosey
You have a really interesting concept here. It is rich with context and a number of really good ideas. Try to focus your story a little more. It just really seems like your rushing through things without a true plot.