KEEN RELATIONSHIPS
The place of temporal concerns is where we live in. The influence of divine power is the cause of many lives that is picturizing a World of reality and eternity. These lives have gradually developed the fetters between this world and the lives of people. Life of an individual is unique and is extinct from one another; yet we call ourselves with flavor of togetherness as –People. The flavor of it is magnanimous and so our lives have no impulse to exist from this livelihood. At every stage, a soul is in definite need of some relationship to hold on. It is because we have been habituated right from our protected shell of a Mother’s womb. A baby is very cosy to snuggle under the warmth of a mother unless and until he or she is convincingly exposed to the society. Catching our parents’ little finger with other hand siphoning in our mouth, we get amused for every little happenings. We then yearn for somebody to fill the space of our parents. The sprint of friendship is introduced there. Having experienced wide dialects of people with different connotations, aspirations, and inspirations and over all phenomenal attitudes, we are amassed with bountiful friends. Some become soul mates, few become just mates and others are even engrossed with animosity at times. We are swimming in a pool expecting for it to reach the end point to raise our head out of the pool. It is where we are tested and justified. We are categorized as ignorant or taught ones based on our freight that we are stuffed with. Life of every single soul is scheduled in such a way that we have somebody to teach and guide us in every job we are up to. Life is stuporous when we shelter and develop our gifted relationships. Intellectuality lies in here when we strengthen or bond and nurture it for the wholesome of life. All these are perfectly natural and nothing is forcibly bonded. Right from motherhood or be it brotherhood or kith and kin relationship we have no job of deciding any relation. And it is sure that it budges well rather desiring for a person to bond with us. Every relationship has its own serenity and purity of love. After all, why do we go chase for a better half? expecting to be as good or even best than all other relationships that we were handling expertly all these days. This new seeking has the nature to shatter all other beloved ones who were close to our heart. We become selfish with no intention at the cost of one being and lose our real characters of life.
Self esteem is judged falsely, when we look for all luxuries and contentment through one door.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey there, Achu! I'm going to do a quick review. To begin with, I always look at a text to see how the paragraphs are formatted. This is a pretty big chunk of text, which can be a turn off. And when you are trying to get books published/sell books to someone on Amazon, you want your manuscript to be as appealing as possible. Do your best to reformat this as soon as possible. I'm not chastising you, I'm just sharing my experience. I published the first part of a serial on Amazon, which other than the fact it sucks, I caught a typo on the first page. Yikes!
I changed it as soon as I could, but who know who saw that typo and said, "Nope. Not buying this story."
Little things sell.
I have a feeling what you are trying to say is interesting, mind blowing even, but it's a little hard to grasp. Shoot for clarity as much as you can. One annoyingly worded sentence can be a huge deal to your reader. Think of it this way: A painter walks into your house and starts painting your living room the right color, with perfect technique, but he is using a tiny brush when he could be using a paint roller. It makes you wonder if he knows what he is doing. The same goes for writing. If you have a great story, wonderful description, and one bad sentence, it makes the reader wonder a little.
Okay, this piece is rather confusing. I'm reading several things over and over, not quite understanding what's going on. I think lots of it is grammar mistakes.
"The influence of divine power is the cause of many lives that is picturizing a World of reality and eternity." ->This is a good example of the little grammar mistakes. I believe the second "is" is supposed to be referring to lives, but is is singular. The is should be are.
Moving on to another thing that makes this piece confusing and hard to follow.
"These lives have gradually developed the fetters between this world and the lives of people." -> This is a good example of that. You use lots of good words like "fetters" in strange ways. Fetters implies chains that restrain a prisoner. It doesn't really seem like the type of thing to hold two other things together, and that little detail of definition causes a hiccup that distracts from the writing. You do that in several places, and that caused me to be very distracted throughout the piece.
You also include lots of interesting metaphors and uses of language.
"We are swimming in a pool." <-This is a good example of that. The metaphor is interesting, and it helps bring your point across.
Honestly, I feel like this piece is confusing because of weirdly used words and typos. If you gave it a quick proofread, it would help immensely. There are misspelled words and sentences that are all jumbled up, most likely from you going back to change some things. If you take care of those two things, the high points of this piece would be more prominent, and the piece would be more cohesive. My best advice for this is to just proofread before you post.
Aren't you a smart fellow? Hehe.
Hey there, lyricalrebel here to review your work.
One word. Reality. The world is shown not dramatically as it should be but realistically. It is an essay after all. The sequencing of the events is great and you have honestly portrayed the wicked mirror of mankind.
For corrections, new ideas are formed as new paragraphs. That's all.
I like your work, by the way
Keep it up! Cheer!